Since I lost Rob 18months ago I have had chats with his best friend and his cousin .
His cousin told me that her and Rob were having a conversation one day and he told her I was the love of his life . His friend told me a week before Rob passed away Rob told him he was at a point in his life where he had never felt so content and happy with life , and we were at a stage where we would be having more time together to do things on our days off work and in the evenings and week ends . Then September 1st at the age of 56 with no warnings whatsoever wham he collapsed on the bedroom floor and I’m doing cpr ( I did get him breathing again) but 4 hours later due to a massive heart attack just like that my light went out and he was gone .
My world and life hasn’t been the same since and it will never be the same .
I’m left feeling guilty now because I feel I could have done more and don’t know why or how but been a better wife and put him higher on my priority list . Now knowing he felt I was the love of his life makes me feel even more guilty but I’m glad she told me how he felt . Well best my meal for a singleton take care all xxx
Hi Kazzer
I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about, if your lovely husband said those things then you obviously made him the happiest he could be, and you should be proud that you gave him that feeling of contentment and peace. I know it’s so hard to not feel that guilt, I feel it too, I have this nagging in the back of my head that if only I’d tried harder I could have saved him, but when I spoke to my occupational health nurse and she went through the coroners report she said there was nothing I could have done, and I’m sure it would be the same for you.
My life is just treading water now, everything I do is for our children. My doctor just prescribed me some antidepressants but I’m not sure I want to take them. Today is a bad day though the anniversary of our first date, 32 years ago and it seems like yesterday 
Try to focus on how loved you made him feel, you gave him that gift xx
Lilyboost thank you so much for your kind words it’s just horrendous isn’t it take care xxx
I didn’t realise there were so many broken people until I joined the forum and now I am one of them. Unless ppl go through this they will never understand. Grief drip feeds you until suddenly you realise the one you love is not coming back. The finality. I feel scared and my safety and control on life is in tatters. I will never feel secure again. I miss our life and don’t understand how it can be cruelly snatched away in moments. The worst part is when your brain catches up and it hits you like huge sledgehammer. I hate the fact that people who have done really bad things are still here and my babe has been taken from me. How can that be fair. How can it be just. I will never understand. I’m hurting inside and can’t see a future x
Nel it is so SO hard life is just full of good days and bad days . I try to live each day and make my Rob proud .
I have found a lot of comfort in this site because as you said you don’t realise just how many others feel your pain . It’s so important to talk and you can do just that on here with like minded people who are the only one who understand the pain and discomfort your going through take care karen x