Lost my wife to the virus in April. It’s been the most devastating time of my life. She was going retire at the end of the year and we had so many plans. Now I’m alone and scared

1 Like

Hello. I am so sorry you have lost your wife. I understand about your plans for retirement. My husband died after just two and a half months of retirement. He had so been looking forward to it with lots of plans and DIY projects. It’s cruel, isn’t it? As someone on this forum recently said, our futures were with that person, there was no plan B. To lose a spouse/partner is the hardest thing in the world. Who could ever have thought it would hurt this much? And yes, it is scary. Even now, offer three years I can still wake up with that knot of fear and dread in my stomach. Please keep reading and posting on here. Explore the site. To know others are feeling the same can be strangely comforting. I think it might be because people on here understand. You are not alone. Sending love. x


Hi. Derekrb. ‘Alone and scared’. Yes, we all know that feeling when we lose someone so close. The added pain of being so close to retirement when all your plans for the future are shattered. It’s good you have come on here because, as Kate says, knowing about others suffering as you are and how they cope does help. Waking with that knot in the stomach is still with me. We do learn to live with it but at times it’s still painful. You have suffered a life trauma and it’s so important to let emotions go. Nature’s way to relieve stress is to give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and your own time. No set time or any rules apply. We all do it in our own way, and if that way sounds strange to others, so be it. ‘Men don’t cry’! Don’t they? Well this one did and still does now and then. Emotions are difficult to cope with because, so often, they come unbidden. Even when we are out something can ‘trigger’ an emotion. It’s OK. It will happen, and it’s no cause for shame. I would not be saying this to a woman because they do release emotions more easily than us men. At the moment words will seem so inadequate. But stay with us and give it time. Take care of yourself. It’s so easy to neglect yourself when you feel as you do. Take care.
You will have seen by Kate’s reply that we all know only too well what you are going through. Blessings.