Recently the BBC have been putting together weekly issues around mental health, the menopause, autism, problems at school and so on…
I have written to the BBC and suggested they do a series about death and grief and highlight the added pain that we the grievers feel from not being considered, not being spoken to in a way that acknowledges out grief.
Please, we have all suffered at the hands of a society that doesn’t know how to look after the person who is grieving, will you write to them suggesting that we need some community awareness.
Gogs
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I do wish we had an edit button on here!!!
Sorry for the title spelling mistake
Gogs
Thankyou Gogs on taking some action over our empty broken hearts in my thoughts and prayers stay safe speak soon Adele x
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Gogs I was thinking exactly the same myself this week. They keep going on about the menopause but like you I was thinking what about grief. Give me the menopause any day. You forgot the bit about families that just forget you exist though.
What address do we write to because I am with you and hope that others will join in because we need to be considered. If this thing called grief isn’t mental health what is !!!
Pat xxxx
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I had been having exactly the same thoughts when watching the BBC programmes covering mental health, menopause etc. Those who are not grieving for a loved one, simply have no idea about how the bereaved feel. How one has only to mention the name of their beloved late husband or wife or partner and the topic is changed. Some relatives forget you are still living and grieving once they have attended the funeral. I’ve felt like writing to some of my siblings reminding them that though they attended my husband’s funeral, I am still here! I haven’t done that yet, but have felt sorely tempted. From time to time, kind neighbours or local friends call on me. It is just so nice to have company and to chat knowing they understand. It brightens my day for while. Since my husband died 13 months ago, I have joined various groups to occupy myself, and meet people, it is not the same as being with folk who knew my husband and can happily remember him. Deidre
How true Deidre, your words certainly ring home. I did actually send my husbands daughters letters and made phone calls but they never acknowledged me. No replies, nothing. UNTIL I sent them a letter telling them that although I had offered them some of their father’s belongings and they hadn’t once come back to me, in, what was four months from his death then, I had made other arrangements for them. Immediately I received a phone call from the husband of one of them who told me to get my husbands scooter ready with the paperwork and they would come and collect it. Cheek. I sold it to someone else immediately. I have heard nothing from them since. We got on alright when we saw them, non of his other relatives have been in touch although I have written pleasant letters and told them how much I would like to hear from them. I informed my daughter who lives in Spain that I was struggling at the time and she said that I was very strong and would get through this and could I send her some money !!! Heard nothing from her since either. My son nothing. My neighbours have been next door for over thirty years but although they came to the funeral they have never once come round to see if I was alright. I don’t feel sorry for myself and keep myself busy, so blow the lot of them.
Regarding the BBC programme I hope they will highlight the plight of the grieving especially now that Prince William has come forward and said it as it is. We are forgotten and suffering,mostly in silence. The menopause. Try grief and see what pain and confusion really is.
Pat xx
Yes Pat. They scurry away when bereavement comes along. No one likes to be reminded of their own mortality. But some compassion or just a little love and caring would go a long way. But empathy is what we get here. That’s so different to sympathy. Sympathy is just going through the motions, " I’m so sorry to hear about your loss" etc! Empathy is “feeling the pain of others as if it were you own”. But we must try to understand how such people feel. Most can’t face emotions. So many children are brought up to believe if it’s not ‘fun’ don’t do it. Life has to be full of fun, but it’s not like that, is it? Bad times have to be taken as well as the good. Pain and suffering we all share. So we can have empathy for one another because we KNOW what it’s like. I wish no ill on anyone, but one day, just one day of anxiety and fear in the lives of some of our law makers might improve the situation.
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Well said Pat, especially your last two sentences! We, and all others experiencing this type of ‘Ignorance’ from the unenlightened will just have to carry on. It really is amazing how many just ignore the very real presence of grief within their own families and acquaintances and treat the bereaved as if nothing had happened!! We don’t need to be treated as if we have the ‘PLAGUE’. Just a little understanding would help. Deidre
Hello Jonathan I can remember when members of my family passed away when I was a child and never did I hear them mentioned again. Perhaps it was because I was young but I grew up with the impression that death was something you didn’t talk about and the bereaved just got on with their lives because this is always how my family dealt with it. After my father died in his forties my mother disappeared for months. She came back and just seemed to get on with her life and re-married, I never saw any signs of grief although they had been together since she was 14 yrs. Years later she told me that if my step father went before her she didn’t want family or anyone else to keep calling on her. Again my impression of grief was very different to the real life and I hope I can show sympathy and love to anyone that I come in contact with that is grieving. I know their suffering first hand.
Pat x
Hi to all
I hope you will join me in standing up to the lack of understanding in the population as a whole.
Having watched all about the menopause, autism, etc.etc I decided to write to the BBC and ask them to put time to researching the loss and lack of understanding in the general population when meeting a person who is grieving. I would like them to consider this as important as the menopause, or autism or anything else for that matter. The more of us that write in the better chance we might have of changing the perception held my most people in relationship to those who are suffering through grief, compounded by a total lack of empathy.
Below is the link, please use it.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/42237562
Gogs x
Couldn’t agree more and will be writing, hope that more will join us.
Pat
Thank you Pat. Apathy won’t bring change and all the talking about the difficulties we are suffering won’t alter anything without…
I’ve written to them too. Great idea. And I felt grateful to have an excuse to touch on what I’m going through via a Facebook post. It is definitely forgotten and brushed under the carpet. It’s 16mo for me, but sometimes the weight of pain exhausts me… But before it happened to me I had no understanding and I haven’t handled it well in others. 
Lets hope the BBC now take notice, it probably won’t but it would be good for everyone.
Gogs
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