Tina my dad completely enabled my mums OCD. Because he lived with her he wanted to keep her calm and happy. I didn’t live with her so I tried the tough love route. She would ask me to check her mouth for signs of cancer and I would refuse. I would say I’ll check it once but only once. But she would get so upset and beg me that i could see why dad gave in and helped her with her rituals and checking. At the end of the day you don’t want to see them distressed so you give in. It’s truly an awful illness. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job with your mum. Cut yourself some slack you are not super human you have feelings and emotions you are bound to find it so hard. Don’t feel guilt for your thoughts and feelings they sound perfectly justified and normal
Thank you to all who have replied to me. I hope I haven’t missed replying to anyone. I’ve received a lot of kindness and support on this thread. I’m using a small mobile phone and it’s really hard for me to see everything on it. I’m starting to accept mum needs outside help but getting her to allow this will be a mammoth task. mum deserves better than me breaking down in tears everyday. I hope everyone has some calmness of mind today. kindest wishes.
Tina19 I think you need outside support too. Maybe @Priscilla could recommend a support group for carers of those with Alzheimer’s. Then you could get some actually support from those going though the same as you so you know your feelings are normal. They can also recommend coping strategies etc
Hi. Tina, As I have said, when it becomes chronic it does need specialist treatment One of the therapies that used to be done was to confront them with their fears. Like an agoraphobic person who is afraid of supermarkets. Take them in there and see them face up to their fears. When they see that it’s not going to kill them, it sometimes helps. But each individual has to be treated in their own way. I am not happy about group therapy. Through you experience you can help others. Ignorance may be bliss, but it can’t solve any problems.
Take care. John
Thank you both so much jooles and john.
Hi @Tina19, I’m so sorry to hear that your mum has Alzheimer’s. Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is extremely challenging and must put a lot of pressure on you so try not to judge yourself to harshly.
It sounds as though you could really benefit from some support. I would suggest getting in touch with the Alzheimer’s Society, who can offer lots of support, including a telephone helpline, an online forum similar to this one, and various local support services (although some of these may have been affected by lockdown): https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/, 0333 150 3456.
(Thanks to @jooles45 for tagging me in to this conversation).
thank you very much to priscilla and jooles. I will try to call someone soon. I will read some of the forum posts as well. feeling so terribly unwell this morning with nervousness and anxiety. it’s so hard to understand why and how you can get two people with Alz Disease and the two people will be affected in such vastly contrasting ways. I hope I can manage today a bit better. I don’t want to be always complaining that I can’t. I’m trying to cope alone. Its not the practical things that cause me exhaustion its the constant emotional struggle. My sister lIves close by and my brother lives with us but mum is an entirely different person with them. so much so that it can be difficult to see there is anything seriously wrong. but. I believe this is also a trait of the condition. Thanls again for the advice, it’s appreciated.
Tina, please don’t worry about “always complaining” that you’re struggling. If you’re sturggling, then you’re struggling, and you need to reach out to people and let them know. We might not be able to fix your problems, but at least we can let you know you have someone who is always there to listen to you, that might be the difference between you coping and having a breakdown. Please keep posting without reservation, really hope your anxiety gets a bit better today.
thank you Abdullah and I hope you are OK. Anxiety is shocking right now and lockdown starts Tuesday so back to no family visits. In 2 weeks it will be 48 months since I lost my Husband as well. Bad times don’t belong to me alone though and sadly there’ll be plenty more out there suffering in similar ways. kindest wishes.