Alcohol and my sister

It will be 3 years this year since my sister left us and im still struggling. She died from liver failure due to alcohol.
I knew she was drinking a lot and used alcohol as a coping mechanism after we lost our mum, but i had no idea she was struggling so much! Why didnt she reach out? Were we not as close as i thought? Why didnt her husband reach out?
These are the questions that keep going round in my head.
Ive also become obsessed with my own alcohol consumption. After that level of devastation, surely id stop completely, but i still drink, not to excess but still probably too much. Its turning me into a very angry person. Angry with myself for drinking. Angry with my partner for drinking. Angry with my sister for leaving me and not reaching out to me for help.
Im stuck!!

Dear Moomin101,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. She clearly meant a lot to you. You’re in a tough situation here and I can see why you feel somewhat trapped. Alcohol addiction is very powerful and changes a person’s behaviour and, to an extent, their personaility. People who are in the strong grip of the addiction will not be thinking and behaving logically. You might find a conversation with someone at AA or a psychologist who specialises in alcohol addiction helps to better explain how/why your sister wasn’t able to reveal the extent of her addiction to you, despite your close relationship. Remember, alcoholism is also tightly wrapped up with feelings of guilt and shame, both of which can be very paralysing. This may give you a path to finding some acceptance of what has occurred and, from that, reduce your turmoil.

Wishing you all the best,

I lost my sister last October. Alcohol was a huge contribution to her death so I know the feelings/ emotions you’re going through. She had always been a social drinker and i never realised how dependent she had become. I feel guilty for not being there but i know others had asked her to ask for help. I think she was scared to stop. You will experience lots of emotions, sometimes anger somestimesguilt. Im still struggling but taking things day by day. Big hug x