Almost a year since my dad passed

It’s been almost a year since my dads passed with terminal cancer, he had a traumatic passing and endured so much pain. My life feels so empty without him. We worked together every day since I was 13. I feel bitter towards my older brother and sister as I felt myself and my other sister were abandoned to deal with things. I keep moving forwards and do what I think I should do but I can’t help feeling what is the point. I can’t speak to my partner about it as I get upset and she doesn’t understand, I cry in the shower every morning and I feel alone. Shouldn’t it be easier by now?

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Having know how it feels to lose a parent I lost my mum I decided to move in with my dad to look after him. I’m also scared of missing valuable time with my dad because I know my dad won’t live forever. I learned a hard lesson that you miss them when they are gone. I’m living with the pain of losing my mum and the terrible guilt of not spending enough time with my mum even in my mums last few minutes and I don’t want to add the same guilt with my dad.

Hello Stuart1982.
Thank you for posting on our forum. It will take as long as it takes to get easier for you, grief has no time limits.
Please continue to post on here, our lovely members, who are also at different times in their grief will, and are responding to you. They will understand where you are in your journey. They will be able to offer comfort and understanding. But, if you ever feel you need a little extra help, please know we are here for you.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:
Take care,
Online Community Team

Hi Stuart

I just wanted to say that I think I know what you are going through. I lost Mum 8 months ago. I had a rough time at first then slowly started to feel a bit better and felt as though I could get back on track. Then, I don’t know why, the grief came back and hit me like a sledgehammer.
I don’t think grief is linear. Perhaps we grieve just enough that we can cope with and then when we’ve managed that, along it comes again for a different level of processing? I don’t know … I’m thinking out loud.
Being in lockdown has not helped the bereaved in the least.
I have found it helped me to come on here because as Audrey said you can see what others experience.
A year is still very early for you I think. The way I feel now I do not expect to be ‘over it’ at the year mark. All I hope is to have processed it a little more.
My thoughts are with you. Its tough. But it’ll get a bit better - you’ll have days when you can smile. x


The loss of a parent is one of the most tragic heartbreaking painful experiences any son or daughter will ever have to go through. I can only speak from my own experience of what it’s like to lose my mum. The pain I’m feeling now is intolerable. Lately I have been having more bad days than good days. The bad days I’m having are constantly listening to the same songs and I’m crying my eyes out. I just can’t get it out of my head the realisation that she’s left me. How do you fathom it how do you accept it. Accepting it is letting go of someone I miss so much. The guilt I feel right now is to much for me to bear. I will never be truly happy until I am with my mum

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To me of it being nearly 5 years since my mum left me still feels like it happened today. Some people it feels like yesterday. I haven’t been able to work that one out just yet because I can’t help feeling my grief began on day one. I have had this horrific intense feeling the day my mum left me was the day I was no longer me. Anyone else feel like that. I just know each day I’m living through this is killing me even more inside and I don’t deserve this I never asked for it no one does

Hey, this is the 2nd Christmas without my dad, still think about him every day but its definitely been getting easier. Time is a healer.