Almost a year

My mum died quite suddenly in December 2018 due to an infection associated with advanced stages of multiple sclerosis, she was 54 years old.

Because it happened unexpectedly, for months I felt numb and I just carried on with life as normal and as best I could. It was her birthday this month and because it is approaching a year since she left us, I just feel so sad and miss her terribly. I still feel bitterly angry at the hospital where she died and I still question everything around her care and management whilst in hospital. I thought I had accepted what had happened but I don’t think I ever will.

I just wanted to share my thoughts and feelings somewhere because I can’t speak to anyone with how I am feeling.

Thank you for reading x

Hi,

I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. It’s not quite a year and you will still be feeling sad. I dont think the pain ever goes and you cant put a timeline on your grief.
Did you ever raise your concerns over your mums care with the hospital? If it still plays on your mind I think you can approach them and ask to discuss it.
My mum died suddenly of a massive brain hemorrhage 4 months ago and I am struggling terribly. She had just had an operation on her carotid artery and was in the recovery room. For the first 2 weeks I was so angry with the surgeon as I thought the operation had killed my mum. The coroner decided on a post mortem and the result was that the operation had not brought about mums bleed, apparently this was going to happen anyway. I still question everything but at the end if the day, it’s not going to bring my beloved mum back.
I dont think I will bd feeling any better in 6 months time when I’m approaching mums anniversary like you.
Have you family to speak to? How do they feel?
It’s by far the worst thing that has happened to me and I also lost my dad to a sudden heart attack when he was 53.
Cheryl x

Hi Cheryl,

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. I don’t think there is anything that anyone can say to a bereaved person to make them feel better - nothing has for me, only knowing that I’m not the only person that has experienced the pain of a bereavement, if that makes sense?

I had a meeting with the hospital 3 months after my mum died. At the time my head was still in the clouds and I didn’t really know what I wanted to know, if that makes sense. However they did apologise for the big gap in communication from the nurses side but insisted they did everything they could medically.

I was referred to bereavement counselling but I literally don’t have any spare time; I have two little children and I work full time on shifts, so I can’t commit to the counsellors limited availability. I do have a partner and an older brother but I can’t really speak to my partner because I just don’t think he understands. My brother and I reminisce and talk about her often but I can’t shift the dull ache in my heart. I feel like it has changed me and I haven’t felt happy since she died xx

I agree. I have been changed permanently. The worst thing is that we thought I was picking mum up the following day and bringing her home. I feel so sorry for her that it didnt end that way.
I also have a child and work shifts and youre right, counselling hasnt been easy. Luckily for me, work have been very accomodating and I havent been required in on counselling days. I’m not sure it’s doing anything anyway. I had my mum constantly for 48 years and suddenly, in the blink of an eye she was gone.
The disbelief is unbelievable.
I think we have to accept that everything medically possible was done, otherwise we will go mad.
I like to focus on the fact that our trauma would be alot worse if mum had been home when she had her stroke. If they couldn’t save her in hospital she wasnt surviving at home either and that would have been me or my daughter finding her.
Life can be so cruel x

Hey

I feel like I could of wrote this myself! It is also almost a year (ish) since my mum died and she too was just in her early 50’s…she litterally went hospital with a chest infection and never came home.

I buried my head in the sand, went straight back to work and didn’t talk about it. Her birthday was this month (same day as my little boys) and watching him opening his presents knowing she wasn’t here, I can’t even describe the pain and anger I felt inside and since then, I’ve been a big crying horrible mess lol.

I don’t really have any words of wisdom or anything that will make you feel better, just that I do understand how you feel. It’s a shame the counselling won’t work out for you, if you think it will really help you could you not sign up for the counselling on here that you can do at home? Xxx

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