Almost a year....

Next week will be a year since Rose passed. I can’t see it as an anniversary. To me it was the day my life ended too. I can not see past each day, I try to muddle my way through but to be honest, I am lost. Each day is a struggle. Fifty years just ended. It really is like a living sentence being left behind.

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Dear Malc

September is the date that is approaching for me - the day everything was taken from me and like you my life came to an immediate standstill. I will be thinking of you next week. I know that my stress levels have heightened and continue to do so. I visited the spot where we scattered my husband’s ashes today. An hours drive to the beach and just sat and cried. The drive back is as if I am on auto-pilot.

Whilst in the car I too thought that this is just a prison sentence, the worst possible punishment for something I am still searching for the reason.

Take care.

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I am so sorry for your loss. August/September time was always a busy one. Our wedding anniversary, birthdays etc
We liked to go on little trips but I just don’t feel up to it anymore.

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Yes lots of family birthdays in September. Our kids birthdays were in the Spring/Summer as was our wedding anniversary. I no longer think about my birthday just not something I can do now that my husband is no longer here. There is no point. We did not do elaborate presents we just spent the day together and now that is no longer possible.

I struggle every day. Our kids are in bits but each trying to put on a brave face.

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My husband’s birthday coming up in September. I don’t know what I will do that day.

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Dear Jules4

It is so hard. On my husband’s birthday I went to Helmsley, a place both me and husband loved and spent the day there but to be honest it just broke my heart. There are no answers to any of this.

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I had a real blip last week, I couldn’t stop the tears and wore myself out in the process. The world seems mad at the moment but I was lucky to spend a few hours with our daughter and son in law. I had a fall doing a favour for a neighbour and now have a bruised eye. Rose would have known the right words to say and I miss that. Seeing people out, walking hand in hand is like torture but who are we to stop them enjoying their time. In a few weeks I will be 66, we would have gone so for a few days for a break. Trouble is, I have a nasty feeling that the Covid hasn’t finished with us yet. The next pandemic will be mental health because all the uncertainty and the way folk’s lives have been messed with will have repercussions. Stay as safe as you can. My best wishes. Malc

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Hello Malc, Sheila and everybody else.

I was going to make a post about that I’m just past ten months… also wedding anniversary in September ( would have been 16th anniversary) and I felt like I was getting better but now I’m not again.

it’s rubbish. I believe human connections are the key thing to help. I’m sad, I’m lonely… just like thousands of us… hoping something to help us all… hopefully we can all find something better to look forward to than our own death… I want to live now but I’m not sure how it will look.

This is not easy is it. Hoping for hope. Take care.

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Hi.
It is now over a year. I still struggle through each day and find it so difficult to understand why. Rose was a kind hearted soul, a nurse for 38 years, a mother, my best friend and we shared almost 50 years. The emptiness without her is unbearable. I find myself often hearing her voice or catching a glimpse of someone, but it is not her. The counselling helps, local mental health service is non existent but people can be really kind and thoughtful. Reading helps me to think about something else, walking is good. We both loved music but it seems so difficult to listen to any just now. Things feel just as strange as the first few weeks afterward. Feeling like one long struggle and nights are definitely worse. Hope you are all reasonably well despite the circumstances. My best wishes. Malcolm

There are no palatable answers to the bereavement of a wife or husband. It really is the end of the world. The only grain of comfort I can extract from it is that I’m not alone in my misery, if that makes sense…

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Hello @Jd426. Welcome hardly seems appropriate but I am pleased you’ve found us. It’s strange, isn’t it, how we can found comfort in others suffering the same agony? I think that it’s not so much their suffering which gives comfort but their understanding and simply knowing we are not alone, as you say. Sending love and strength to you. x

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Hi Kate, Yes, I guess there’s a bit to be said about us all being in the same boat. In my case the Titanic comes to mind. Look after yourself x

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Yup, Titanic just about describes it. We hit that iceberg and then it’s down, down, down. However, unlike Titanic, we will resurface again eventually. Never quite the same again, still going under every now and again, but also capable of knowing some contentment, with our grief in tow always. Not much solace to you at the moment JD because you will still be down in the depths. Joe Biden (not a fan!) said,

"It will take time. But in time, what’s going to happen is you’re going to find, when you think of that son, daughter, husband, wife, mother, father you lost, you’re going to get a smile on your lip before you get a tear in your eye, and that’s when you know you’re going to make it."

Where grief is concerned, he knows what he’s talking about. Those words have stuck with me. xx

Yes. Kate, I’m not a Biden fan either but he sure hit that one on the head. Unfortunately for me and anyone that has the misfortune to run across me, I’ m still in that long, dark tunnel. It’s been eight months since I lost her and it just doesn’t get better. Look after yourself x.

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