Almost one year

Two weeks tomorrow and it will be one year. I have been doing a countdown for almost a month now. I am in tears multiple times a day, and I’m overwhelmed with sadness. All I can think is “this time last year he was still here”. I try to think about it rationally, but am failing dismally, so I just let my thoughts flow wherever they want. I know that I will be in bits until this date passes, and I truly hope to find some small amount of peace afterwards.

On another level, it will be a milestone for me. I’ve made it this far by myself, on my own, and it has been hard work. I am slowly learning to accept this new reality. I’ve spent many hours of introspection trying to discover who this “alone” me is. I don’t really know her, as it was always “us”. I’ve had fleeting moments of joy - which for me is profound. I truly felt I might never feel joy again. I’ve learned coping mechanisms to help me alleviate the painful memories and triggers. I’ve realized that I am starting to move uphill, albeit slowly, one small step at a time. I’m learning to appreciate the good days, simply because they do happen once in awhile.

This has been the hardest year of my life.

7 Likes

hi Heather_Diane
We all have to find our own ways of living with the heartbreak,Some will tell you things get easier,And maybe it does for those,Me im living with my baby Jayne in my heart mind and soul,And Ive cried every day and will do till I leave this mortal coil.I dont need a special day to feel more emotional about losing Jayne.Every day rolls into the next and my love for Jayne engulfs my life,Because thats the only way i can cope.Idid take a few friends out on Jaynes birthday and toast my love and memories of her.And I would of done the same on the 24th May ,But alas lockdown put a stop to that.
Im sorry your emotions coming up to your first year are affecting you,I hope you can cope and live your life in what ever way gets you through each day week etc.
Just know there are lots of us that have had our lives turned on its head ,And fully understand how you are feeling and the emotional turmoil you are facing each day.
Sorry im of no real help,As my way of managing this traumatic event in my life isnt for every one and hopefully others will chip in with their thoughts.
Were all here when ever you need an ear or a bit of comfort .
warm regards
ian

5 Likes

Hi Heather Diane,
We get so worked up about significant dates and anniversaries, it seems we try and get through one date then there’s so many more to face.
Time and life, have seemed to have stopped the day I lost my husband, every day is just a blurred existence now.
I think we have to accept this new life on our own,
I still hope I’m going to wake up from this nightmare, but am slowly realising this is reality now.
Every day is heartbreaking and another day to try and get through, and the different anniversaries through the year makes it even harder.
Like you say, you’ve made it through the first year, we don’t know how we do it, but we do , we have to.
Thinking of you
Steph x

3 Likes
Back to top