Hi im new here i lost my husband March 22 he was diagnosed with lung cancer April 21 he was 63 I have 1 Son married who lives not far from me I love him to bits but he never has time for me he’s always "busy "working or with in laws. Im trying to get on with my life its so hard at times but im trying I live with my mums wee dog she passed away Sept 2020 she lived across the road from us at the minute its just work eat sleep im grateful to be able to have a wee part time job just would love to laugh and smile again hopefully someday x
Hi i understand how you feel i lost my husband oct 22 he was diagnosed with colon and liver cancer march 21 he was 60 the only time i have seen his mum since he passed away was the day of his funeral not even a phone call i feel like i am on my own we had no children together and i feel so alone
@Polly63 and @sue11 There’ll be no one here who doesn’t both understand and sympathise with you both.
It seems to me that loneliness and being alone are two different things, since my wife’s death I often feel very lonely and when it comes to the most trivial of decisions I’m on my own to make them.
Where you have them, adult children often have their own full lives to lead and although might well be grieving themselves have ample distractions, not so us.
Every day seems to be a groundhog day and I live it in the expectation that tomorrow will be pretty much the same. Emotionally, I’m just not ready to change that.
Perhaps the spell we’re under will gradually lose its hold over us and someday we will laugh and smile again.
Until then, take care and please be kind to yourselves.
So true every day does seem the same just want my husband back but i know it will never happen and the pain i feel seems never ending
Sorry for your loss Sue its hard to get our head round things i went to c Williams Dad who is 92 a few times after funeral he didnt go to visit his family much and i always went with him they went a close family i tried but didnt seem to fit in either but we will just have to try or best to get on with life and maybe some day we will smile again xx take care of you
Yes we do have our own life’s to live and we are all different when your a loving caring person and put others before yourself its hard when there is no family members making a small effort to help but all we can do is try and stay strong and live with our memories x
It is hard as my husband mum and Dad did nothing to help me arrange his funeral but keep on saying you need to make sure there is 2 cars on the day i even had to drop things of to the funeral home he was in on the day of his funeral as they as they said oh we forgot and droped them of at mine the night before
@sue11 That was awful. I really feel for you. Only my wife’s brother was a problem. He did not contact me or visit his sister when she was dying in hospital. Not one question about how she was doing, not one visit, nothing. He did come to the funeral though. I ignored him. As far as I am concerned now he does not exist in my life.
I paid for his funeral myself went and choose his flowers on my own but at least i can say i gave him the best send of i could i even had to speak with the celebrant that conducted the service was so hard trying to tell him things about my husband felt like no one really cared about how i was feeling
@Polly63 Two losses close together are devastating. You sound as though you do have hope that small joys will return. I am sure they will.
Thk u Mike and you too im haven’t seen my in laws since November to b truthful im ok with that i text one of my sister in laws occasionally and she texts me which is ok I’m tryin to start a new chapter now with my memories and me x
Hi Sue am sure u did all u could for your husbands funeral as emotions are all over the place at this time we just feel so empty inside not knowing what to do hopefully we can find strength to start a new chapter when we are ready x
Sue I feel exactly the same - nothing other than him being with me will do x
Its been 3 months now and i miss him so much the pain i feel is the same as the pain i felt the day i lost him
It has been a month for me and I just feel distraught and I wish it had been me but I would not want him to feel this pain either. My life ended the day his did to be honest and I can’t imagine every feeling ‘normal’ again xx
Hi all, I lost my wonderful wife to Covid in April 2020 so coming up to three years soon… it has been horrendous and I so relate to all the desolation and heartache you are all expressing here. It is so dreadfully painful in a raw and immediate way at the start and the world changes forever. There is never going to be “normal” in the way we used to know… that is such an abhorrent concept and I’ve found by this point in my grief, whilst the pain is not totally overwhelming most of the time now, the true realisation that my life with my wife is really over is sort of sinking in and is simply staggering. Just makes me wonder what this is all about and why some of us have to undergo such desperate sadness and sorrow… I don’t see the point? I’ve “wasted” many days since my wife died, not being able or wanting to do anything productive, (groundhog day as has been said) and all despite the support of amazing friends. I too feel so alone without my soulmate, people don’t really understand unless they are in this unenviable position! That’s why being able to post here helps as you all do understand…
Like others, I have no family now as my blood relatives are all dead. I have two stepdaughters, one estranged and one who lives nearby but has a full life with her husband and small children. My wife’s mother is still alive at 95 and she calls around once a month. Any semblence of family life evaporated with my wife’s death. all My friends are so loyal and incfredible but I still spend a lot of time alone which leaves me with too much time to seek out the past and go over and over what happened at the start of this awful pandemic. I realise there are so many others who have been devastated by Covid and terrible ilnness too of course… but knowing that just makes it even more sad to know other people have to ride this wave of sorrow and pain.
I think my thought patterns are slowly changing now I know what life had in store for me and my poor wife… an unimaginable story. I feel I am crying from a much deeper place and dare I mention that awful word “acceptance” may be what is happening.
I’m more aware of my own mortality and do want to try and make more of any time I have left, though dismally it has to be without my precious Louisa. This still hits me like a sledgehammer.
I wish you all some solace and peace from your grief, we’ve all loved someone very special and been loved by them and that is what we are paying for now.
Love and best wishes to you all xxx
That’s exactly how I feel. I wouldn’t for anything want Mark to suffer the pain I am feeling. I exist now it’s so hard, yes some days are a little easier then wham bang it hits you for no reason and your right down low again. People don’t realise that you don’t have to be crying on the outside to be crying on the inside. Take care xxx
Why can’t Sue Ryder set up groups where some of us could meet. I just think old school is better than online sometimes xx
That would be so nice if they did i think it would be nice to sit and have a coffee together
So do I - we haven’t a clue where any us lives to make that possible xx