Am I coping?

Hi
I lost my Husband of 35 years whilst on Holiday in Spain last September. I feel sometimes that I am coming to terms with things - but still go over and over the awful details of that evening. The bad thoughts are not every day. I seem to have a few OK days and then - wham I am bombarded with sadness. My Son says that I need Counselling - however - I feel that I just need time to adjust to how everything has changed. Is it OK to feel this way?

Hello Vala
I lost my husband of 38 years in September 2015. I can go for a few weeks without feeling too bad and then everything comes flooding back. My son also suggested counselling for me but I couldn’t face talking to a stranger about the life I shared with my husband and the precious memories I have of him but everyone is different. We also loved Spain and had a wonderful holiday two weeks before he was diagnosed. The loneliness can be awful at times but I take one day at a time and try not to think too far ahead. I hope that you enjoy some brighter days ahead too.

Hi Vala

I am sorry for your loss and can imagine what you are going through. My husband was not a well person for a couple of years but coped with his heath problems. He too died on holiday, on a cruise ship in the middle of nowhere, and I too keep going over the details of the evening, it wasnt very nice. I like you, am sometimes ok - but then like today just cannt get rid of that gut wrenching feeling and the tears just flow. My sons also suggested counselling and I rang Cruse (when and if you can ever get a reply) and for all they were very sympathetic I cannt say I felt any better after speaking to them. I have though, felt that reading some of the conversations on this forum has helped.

Nothing can stop the pain,and I never know from one day to another how I will be but someone said to me the other day and she lost her husband suddenly 2 years ago “Your life will never be the same again, hes not coming back, so try to get a new life because you are still here, and you owe it to yourself and his memory” Good advice if I can do it…

I think we all need to be kind to ourselves and not expect too much of ourselves. Its not long Vala since we lost our persons, but we have made it to here and got through Christmas. I dont doubt you feel lonely, even with a caring family, and wonder what on earth you are doing or going to do. Theres no quick fix unfortunately, but somehow (says I !!) need to find a way to go forward and it will take time.

Take care , thinking about you

J.

Hi Vala

I am sorry for your loss and can imagine what you are going through. My husband was not a well person for a couple of years but coped with his heath problems. He too died on holiday, on a cruise ship in the middle of nowhere, and I too keep going over the details of the evening, it wasnt very nice. I like you, am sometimes ok - but then like today just cannt get rid of that gut wrenching feeling and the tears just flow. My sons also suggested counselling and I rang Cruse (when and if you can ever get a reply) and for all they were very sympathetic I cannt say I felt any better after speaking to them. I have though, felt that reading some of the conversations on this forum has helped.

Nothing can stop the pain,and I never know from one day to another how I will be but someone said to me the other day and she lost her husband suddenly 2 years ago “Your life will never be the same again, hes not coming back, so try to get a new life because you are still here, and you owe it to yourself and his memory” Good advice if I can do it…

I think we all need to be kind to ourselves and not expect too much of ourselves. Its not long Vala since we lost our persons, but we have made it to here and got through Christmas. I dont doubt you feel lonely, even with a caring family, and wonder what on earth you are doing or going to do. Theres no quick fix unfortunately, but somehow (says I !!) need to find a way to go forward and it will take time.

Take care , thinking about you

J.

Hi Vala

I am sorry for your loss and can imagine what you are going through. My husband was not a well person for a couple of years but coped with his heath problems. He too died on holiday, on a cruise ship in the middle of nowhere, and I too keep going over the details of the evening, it wasnt very nice. I like you, am sometimes ok - but then like today just cannt get rid of that gut wrenching feeling and the tears just flow. My sons also suggested counselling and I rang Cruse (when and if you can ever get a reply) and for all they were very sympathetic I cannt say I felt any better after speaking to them. I have though, felt that reading some of the conversations on this forum has helped.

Nothing can stop the pain,and I never know from one day to another how I will be but someone said to me the other day and she lost her husband suddenly 2 years ago “Your life will never be the same again, hes not coming back, so try to get a new life because you are still here, and you owe it to yourself and his memory” Good advice if I can do it…

I think we all need to be kind to ourselves and not expect too much of ourselves. Its not long Vala since we lost our persons, but we have made it to here and got through Christmas. I dont doubt you feel lonely, even with a caring family, and wonder what on earth you are doing or going to do. Theres no quick fix unfortunately, but somehow (says I !!) need to find a way to go forward and it will take time.

Take care , thinking about you

J.

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