Am I even normal

Hi everyone,
My partner passed away 10 weeks ago today she’d been unwell, but never did I think that she would die.
We were together nearly 22. years I’d been her carer probably for the last 9 years.
I’m 46 and she was 58
We did everything together, if I wasn’t at home then I’d be at hospital or work.
But I’m worried about me. I do t think I’m grieving or at least not as I thought I would. It’s almost as if I still feel numb about it all. I don’t cry as much as I thought I would and I just seem to be getting on with things…
I’m also back at work, although I’m completely useless. Can’t concentrate on anything really.
I just feel incredibly guilty, like I’m not bothered I am, I’m sure I am, but I’m not in floods of tears all the time…
There has to be something wrong with me. Am I even normal?


You are in shock and numb, it’s grief. This was me, my partner of 30yrs suddenly died of a massive heart attack at 63. I cried for the first week and then I was just completely numb. Everything carried on as normal. Christmas came and I completely broke down. Grief is very individual to the person and everything you feel or don’t feel is part of the grieving process. It is still early days for you so you haven’t fully processed the trauma of your loss. You can’t force anything so try to be kind to yourself and feel just what you need to when you need to

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There is no rule book for grief no matter what anyone might say. It hits us all differently. Just accept how you feel us right for you and is very likely to change over time.

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Hi Dee I can relate to the numbness and the getting on with things. I believe grief is something we go through without recognising the affect it is having on us, others may see the changes but for us it’s just numbness. A good friend advised I just go with it, not worry too much about what I think I should be doing or feeling but just let it happen. Look after yourself, be kind and gentle on yourself.

@Sarlyn @Pudding @Haggis
Thank you all so very much for your responses
So very sorry for your loss. No one want to be here :pensive:
You’re all so very right. Grief is so individual, I suppose I was just thinking that it’s been 10 weeks now and I would feel less numb or shocked. I’m guessing not though….
I just hate feeling like this. Sometimes I just don’t even think at all…goodness knows what people must think of me, I know I shouldn’t care really, but I do.
Hope you are all having a peaceful evening, thank you again for your support .

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Hi @Dee123,

For me, I think it was not until around ten months after my beautiful wife Christine died that the numbness and shock began to wane.

I don’t think there is a “normal” as such as you will see from other posts from the wonderful folk in this community.

Best wishes to you.

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