I lost my beloved Mum in 2010. Lost my adored Dad 2 weeks ago. I don’t know how I feel. People keep telling me “you’re grieving” but am I? It’s just weird. Losing Mum was like being hit by a wrecking ball. I felt shock, numbness, confusion, soul wrenching pain and 12 months of a downward spiral that ended with me being admitted to a psych ward on the 1 yr anniversary of her death? With Dad? I feel nothing. Honestly nothing. It’s not even denial - I don’t think - as I know he’s dead? I’m just getting on with it. Keeping busy and… well, just ok. Not sad, not crying, not nothing?
It sounds like grief to me. I agree not denial but maybe shock. I feel the same since I lost my Mum as she was my best friend and we were really close (she brought up me and my Sister in her own). Strange for a Son maybe. As you have already experienced, grief has many forms and they are all unique to each of us. You feel sad enough anyway so please don’t give yourself a hard time for feeling the way you do. You clearly loved your Dad just as much as your Mum and he knows that.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve lost both your parents. Grief can come in many different forms, and your emotions can come and go at different times. It’s only been two weeks, so you may find that you feel more emotional later on, but, for now it’s ok that you feel ok. The important thing is to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and not bottle things up.
How has your mental health been in the years since you were admitted to a psych ward? If you are in a better place now, it might make sense that grief would affect you differently. Do you have access to any mental health support if you need it?