Am I normal?

I lost my beautiful mum to lung cancer 6 weeks ago. We only knew about her diagnosis for a few weeks before she passed. Her last two weeks were spent in hospital and I stayed with her all the time and was with her when she passed.
I am devastated about her death and think about her constantly- she is my first and last thought every day.
Today though I have felt a little bit “normal” I went in to work to prepare for returning properly soon. I feel so guilty for feeling vaguely normal. I have cried today, as I do every day, but feel shocked that I have felt a degree of normality.

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There is no such thing as “normal” when it comes to grief - normal is whatever feels normal you you.

I went back to work a couple of days after my mum died, basically because I couldn’t afford time off :see_no_evil: but I know many others on here will say they had weeks/months off. There is nothing to feel guilty about, you will have “normal” days and then days where the pain and grief is so intense you will want to scream and shout and then wonder if that is “normal” too. Xxxxx

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Hi, I lost my dad 11 weeks ago in November. I don’t think there is anything normal any more with it all. I took some time off when he died. Tried to go back just before Christmas and couldn’t cope. I found normal meetings in work very stressful and started to doubt myself. I took an extra two weeks off which did help but I still get bad days. I feel guilty sometimes when it feels normal being in work and am not as sad. I miss him like crazy he was our world.

You can rest assured that the way you feel is totally normal. This is a terrible situation for you and I’m sorry to hear about your mum. 6 weeks isn’t very long ago and I understand how your feelings will be up and down all the time. I lost my mum suddenly 5 months ago and I’m still dealing with the ups and downs. There will be times when your mind becomes clearer and you think that you feel normal and things might be getting better and then you’ll find you’ll be suddenly dragged back down again and emotions may overtake again. So whatever you feel on any day at any time, will be normal so don’t worry about right or wrongs.
I went back to work after 3 weeks and it was awful. No way was I able to do my job properly. I was zero effective in the first week back and it took me many weeks after that to be satisfactory again.
Although I can concentrate on my work again, I still have to allow some time each day for my thoughts to focus on my mum and what has happened.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. I hope your return to work goes ok and that you have understanding colleagues. That goes a long way to helping the healing process.

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Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply to me. I am going to work again for a few hours today. My colleagues have been very supportive luckily.
I am spending as much time as possible with my a Dad at the moment - he and Mum were married 60 years and he is completely lost without her. I am dreading being back at work full time when I won’t be able to support him as much.

I hope that everything goes well, Sue, I think you’re very brave to return to work after so short a time.
MaryL x

@Suelh I hope your time at work has been better. I agree that you are brave. I have the excuse of maternity leave keeping me away from wprk but I’m anxious about returning to work when the time comes

I am so sorry for your loss but there is no need to feel guilty at all. It takes time to grieve no one person acts the same after a death. It is hard to accept that the person you loved has gone. When my dad dies many years ago I was devastated but carried on with my life as normal but cried myself to sleep most nights. It is not that you will ever forget your Mom as she will always be with you but life does go on even when you think it shouldn’t. Do not be hard on yourself just take every day as it comes. Take care xx

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No normal. My mum passed last July like your mum with lung cancer only 3 weeks after diagnosis. I have felt every emotion possible. It’s been the worst time of my life. I went back to work after 3 weeks but I had a total relapse in January after thinking I was doing ok Take it steady. Dont feel guilty about bring ok. Our muns would want us to carry on and enjoy our lives. The grief will come in waves. Take care xx