Am I now single?

My husband died only 7 weeks ago. I seem to switch from being a total weeping mess to coping ok and getting on with necessary tasks but always with that feeling in the gut of almost pain and nausea. One of those necessary tasks was starting to fill in the online probate form. Filling in my details as executor I had to answer whether I was married or single. There was no other option. No option to put widowed which would have been hard enough. Of course I put married which probably means I have completed a government document falsely. I could not put single.

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Hi Judy, what a stupid question to ask on a probate form, you would have thought somebody would have realised how insensitive it is, you are quite right I would have put married as well, My husband died 10 years ago and I still think of myself as married, I’ve never removed my wedding ring and nor will I, you sound as if you are coping really well, just take a day at a time, sending love Jude x

I agree Jude. I’m still married to my husband even if he isn’t here physically. My ring will never come off my finger.

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Dear Judynews

I am still waiting to start probate even though it is approaching the first year since my husband died. I refuse to use the ‘W’ title. I would/will do the same as yourself. I am married, not single. I suspect that the forms and procedures have never been updated for years. The lack of empathy in trying to navigate the maze of paperwork just to access what our husband’s worked for and earned is quite ridiculous.

I pay little attention to the Government departments now. HMRC insisted that I write and notify them of my husband’s death and request to be recorded as ‘capacitor’ for their systems and to allow them to speak to me about my husband’s affairs. I did as they asked. After six weeks I heard nothing so rang them. They advised that they do not acknowledge correspondence and they considered all matters closed. In other words they had checked to see if my husband owed them money and when they found he did not they just threw my letter onto the closed pile.

Hi all, it is awful how they word some of the forms you have to fill in. I was advised to claim universal credit when Mark died, and the options were married living with partner, married living separately or single. It made me feel physically sick to put single.

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They pain we feel their no pill for or cure .That what I feel

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You are still married. I have never used the term ‘widow’

Well for me, and having been married for almost 34 years it is just a word that is yet another small detail that has to be part of the whole process.
If I thought as myself as still being married then for me it would hold me back and not allow change, which in itself has been my greatest weapon against this horrible grief thing.
Of course that does not detract from many wonderful memories as they simply cannot be changed.

Im so sorry for your loss its so devastating I lost my husband 8 months ago . This is the worst thing we will have to endure. I can imagine how you felt I hate writing birthday cards .

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