Hi, I posted a few weeks ago saying my same sex partner had died and how I felt. I have today found out that her blood family are distributing some of her ashes ( that I gave her sister) over their parents’ and brother’s graves ( her wish) at the end of next week and I have only just now found out. I lived with my partner for 36 years and I have not been invited. I am really upset. Am I over reacting?
My poor love, my heart goes out to you xxx
Hi @Oscarina I can understand why you feel upset, 36 years with your life partner is such a long time and not to be included in the ceremony feels very hurtful and isolating. Is there someway you can say you want to attend as this is part of your partner’s final wishes, and an acknowledgement of the love and commitment you both held for each other for so many years ? I would hope most families would see that this would have been important for your partner too to have you there. I hope this gets resolved . Sending you hugs xx
I don’t think you are overreacting as I would think it very reasonable to expect to be included in any spreading of ashes after so many years as a couple. As @sandi suggests, maybe talk to them and ask if you can be part of it.
No your not overreacting. Its your right to be included in scattering the ashes.
Thanks every one. I took on board your advice and had a very difficult text conversation with my partner’s sister. The outcome is, that I will be there for the scattering of her ashes, but unfortunately it has made an awkward relationship with her blood family, even more awkward. Another factor to make life harder whilst grieving. However, I hope it will make me more empathetic and compassionate with others going through something similar.
No you are not over reacting.
That is a long time to love somebody, of course you are hurt. You need your love to be validated also by others.
In my prayers with a gentle hug, john (and marian)
Dear @Oscarina, I am sorry your request to be at the ceremony has made things more awkward. Something so tragic that should bring people closer together instead of pulling apart is so difficult to understand. You need all the love and support at this time, and it is so sad that those who were close to your lovely partner cannot see that. I hope you can attend by gaining strength from the love you and your partner shared, no one can ever take that away, and at the end of the day, the rest doesn’t matter at all. Sending hugs xxx