Whenever I am asked how old Andrew was when he died (he would have been 73 in August), the standard reply I get is along the lines of “oh, he was still young”, which makes me feel pretty bad because I start thinking how many years he may have had left had he not died so suddenly. I would much prefer people said 'well, he did enjoy a long and good life".
I am sure this is down to the expectation that people now live much longer than they used to (well, at least some people), but it still grates when I hear it.
And another comment I got from a taxi driver today that there is a god up there that decides who lives and who dies! What a spiteful and cruel god that would be.
I am not religious and comments like that do not sit well with me.
No, it’s very understandable. The same with my mum as she was 70.
Also on the other extreme when people much older have died and people say ‘well they had a good innings’. Ffs, it doesn’t stop the grief and pain
Other things said that have recently irked me after losing my mother who I’ve always happily loved with
Chin up
Oh well might be a blessing you can have your own life now
You can move if you want
Good opportunity for a fresh start
A lot of things people say they do so well meaning and other times they just have no idea!!
Doug was 81 when he died, 43yrs married 47 years together, yes I still wanted more.
One of the very odd things we say and I’m as guilty as the next person “I’m sorry for your loss”. I often want to say but I haven’t misplaced him I know exactly where he is.
I just wish there was a better way to say sorry, people are often afraid to use word died in case it upsets us. X
I think it’s hard for people to know what to say, that’s said a lot to me & he was young, 59. I think people think it’s more tragic the younger someone is because they had a lot of life left to live. But to the person grieving it makes no difference if they’re 59 or 99, you’ve lost the love of your life.
The worst thing anyone can say to me is “well you’re still young enough to find someone else” I know it’s meant well but it’s not like changing your car! Yes I’ve got a lot of years alone ahead of me, but although I’m lonely, I’m lonely for him, I miss him the love of my life, my best friend my soulmate.
Sending love & strength to all on this journey
I’ve heard a few thing said that I’ve found a bit insensitive, usually well meaning just not thought through.
But so many people have disappeared from my life, just lost contact. I think people would rather not talk to me in case they say the wrong thing, but actually saying nothing is worse. I can cope with insensitive comments from people who care enough to spend time with me, it’s people who avoid speaking completely that upset me most.
Xx
your comment about being lonely is exactly how i feel. im 43 my wife died suddenly last september i have an amazing group of friends family but ive heard repeatedly theres time no need to be alone and i say constantly im not lonely as a person but im lonely for her and i have no wish to replace her wether im 43 or 143 its irrelavent she was mine and i was hers end of story. i try to remember people are unsure what to say and are only trying to help but blimey they get it wrong!!!
I know what you mean, I lost my wife last year at 58 after 34 years together and living without her is absolutely not what I expected or was in any way prepared for! People say it gets easier, I disagree, I feel that I’m just drifting through life now getting older without someone to share things with and it’s bloody difficult!
Absolutely agree, it doesn’t get easier I think you just get better at living with the hurt. It’s well over two years for me & every morning I wake up without him chips away at my already shattered heart. You do learn how to box that away & carry on as best you can, it’s not always possible & some days you know you just won’t be able to & I’ve learned that’s ok too.
Take Care x
