Angry at hubby

It is 6 months since I lost my husband of 51 years and obviously having good and bad days, I felt I was coping. My son had a dream the other night of his Dad, the first time he had dreamt of him and it was following a car accident my son had, he is ok apart from whiplash and jarred back, someone crashed into the back of him and pushed him 25 yards up the road and wrote his car off. Anyway as I say my son then dreamt of his Dad. His Dad came into a room where my Son was, he knew his Dad was dead but they hugged and cried and his Dad comforted him, my Son then said don’t you need to go to Mum now, to which my hubby said no Mum will be alright my mission is to watch over you. I felt very calm and at peace when my son told me about this dream, but I am now so angry at my husband and feel totally abandoned by him and I know I am being so selfish but I can’t help it.

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Hi. Chrissie. Be angry. Any emotion that comes up during grief is perfectly valid. We have very little control of our emotions at such times. We may feel bad about feeling the way we do, but it’s all part of this awful grieving process. Your husband has come though to your son with a perfectly understandable message. He knows you will cope, but your son may not be able to without help. You are not abandoned., that can never happen.
Your emotions are still raw. Real love is not divisible between one person and another. I have no doubt your husband knows that and in no way would he want you to feel he is putting his son first. Try and accept ‘what is’ and send love and blessings out to your husband and son.
Take care. John.

Thank you John your words are very true and I know my anger is unjustified and you are quite right my son did need us both, my husband recognized that and went to him. I am going to blame my anger, as you say, on grief and that it will pass. Thank you again John. Chris x

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Anger is normal My husband came to my son in a dream and handed him a baby girl Which his girlfriend gave birth to and is a joy I too am quite hurt and disappointed he hasn’t come to me Although I beg him every day almost to show me a sign he’s there for me

Hi Terristorrie1,

I do exactly the same I plead with him to send me a sign or even to talk to me in a dream, but it seems yo be in vain. Maybe we are trying too hard.
Much love Chris x

Hi Chrissie
I had many visitations from my husband over the first year. I began to look forward to them. I was having problems with his daughters, I was upset, but he came and told me to ignore them and he would sort them out. It really helped me to know he was aware of a problem. And then after nearly a year I had a dream and he was telling me to leave him, he couldn’t be with me anymore. I have never had a visitation since although I still look forward to any sign and they really are all around us.
xxx

Dear Chrissie1
Its okay to feel angry I know I too have been quite angry at mum (long story) but its perfectly natural to feel angry and I think the reason for your anger is more that you feel disappointed and left out. The thing is that I remember going to see a woman at a charity spiritualist evening a few years ago. She has an amazing gift i have seen her a few times in the past. Anyway the thing is tragically her son died and i thought she was so brave going and still fulfilling her commitment to this charity and giving messages of hope to many people. The reason she was even braver was that she explained that she couldn’t get a message from her son it just didn’t work that way for her. The thing is sometimes people can come through and sometimes they cant. We are more receptive when we sleep to be able to get a message. But not everyone has the genetic ability to receive or send messages. Its like a radio without the antenna. Also you knew your husband and loved him for 51 years so you knew how much he loved you and still loves you. You had to truly be in love to stay together for 51 years. You are not being selfish you are being human and you only wanted a message too and you yourself know that your husband would never have meant to hurt you. He just sees things differently from you now. Perspective is very different on the other side. The thing is on the other side there is no time and no matter these are things which only exist in this realm. Time is different there so all things can be seen and therefore what was said is relative to that.
Just before the Grenfell disaster my mum got a dream about people being in a burning building and she saw my dad there. She told me about this and she was really upset as she thought it meant my dad was there. somewhere in pain burning. Then Grenfell happened. She told me this after Grenfell. I explained to her dad knew she would get this dream and he was only there to look after her. She had had a dream like this before Lockerbie happened. My dad was there to comfort her then. The thing I am saying is just because we do get a message how we perceive it may not be the only translation. As Grenfell hadn’t happened my mum perceived this to mean my dad might be in hell and afterwards when she told me i saw him there to protect her as he had always done. So even in death he was there to look after her. So the thing is the person your husband was in life is the same person he is now but he just has a different viewpoint it doesn’t lessen the way he felt about you or your son.
Take care
Meebee

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Meebee, that is such a helpful explanation and makes it much easier for me to understand. I was so happy when my son told me of his dream, I knew his Dad was there to help and comfort him and I told my son it had helped me too but suddenly, I was having a bad day, and I started to feel, i suppose, jealous a horrible thing to be jealous of your own son, and I think that just made me very angry at my husband, unjustly so of course and thanks to you lovely people I am not feeling anger anymore, just proud I had this wonderful man in my life so long and together we produced our son. Thank you. Chris x

Pattidot it is so reassuring to read messages like yours it reaffirms my belief that my hubby is around, I’m just not one of the lucky people who have the gift. Thank you Chris x

Yes Chrissie. Trying too hard! I have quoted this story before, but it is very symbolic. A man chased a butterfly round the room until, exhausted, he collapsed in a chair. The butterfly came and sat on his shoulder. Phenomena, like dreams, come to us in quiet moments when our conscious mind is inactive. It’s why dreams are so important. Our unconscious takes over and we have no conscious control of it because we are asleep. It’s then the window may open into another dimension.
Our minds are very complex. Never dismiss a dream as ‘only a dream’. There is so much more to it than that.
Take care. Blessings. John.

Thank you John. x