My mother passed away last month and her funeral is this week. She’d had long spell in hospital prior to being discharged back to her care home on EOL care. We’ed had a complex relationship whilst I was growing up which wasn’t the greatest but I ended up being one of her carers until she had to go into a home and I am incredibly grateful that we managed to have a good relationship. I was even lucky enough to be with her at the end.
So why am I angry..so whilst I am grieving for her ..there were various things that happened when she was being discharged from hospital, with the manager of the care home and the district nursing team. And ive had issues with a member of staff since I’ve returned to work.
Im self aware to know that supporting a loved one on EOL is enormous emotionally and so is grief but also am sure that things happened that shouldn’t have happened.
I hate that I feel like this as grieving is bad enough but seriously want do something as whilst I can’t change what happened to us I’d like to think that it will prevent it happening to anyone else.
I’m in exactly the same position as you - things happened that shouldn’t have and things didn’t happen that should have done and I’m still angry that I wasted precious time with my mother chasing around after the medical profession to make sure she had what she needed. However, I have decided that while I will absolutely do something about this, I will wait until a bit more time as passed. I think it would be easy for people to dismiss my concerns and views if I get emotional, so I think I need a bit more time before I tackle this. You might find that if you make a specific date with yourself in the future when you will look at this again, it would enable you to park this for a little while. You’re not ignoring it and you will do something about it but give yourself time to breathe first. Alternatively, if you’re worried you may forget it, dictate everything that happened into your phone or write it down and again put it in a drawer so that you can take it out later when you’re more able to deal with it. You’re call, but that might help you? J
Thank you. I appreciate what you’ve written and I am sorry you are also dealing with this.
My mother’s funeral was last month and I have started to set dates to tackle each of the issues because the momentum of organising the funeral has now left me a little lost and I’ve become extremely good at hibernating which is tough as I have a very public facing role.
So the dates are good and are not too far away, as it will be allow me to focus whilst I get my mental ducks in a row.
But today, the weather is good and Im enthusiastically trying to garden. Try as I’m not actually any good at it.
I hope you get the answers you need. Take care and thank you again
A picture from my garden to yours - I know so well that feeling after the funeral it’s as if you’ve charged a closed door and found it was actually open leaving you off balance and in limbo/ not sure what to next. Gardening really helps me and that’s exactly what I’m doing today….. take care and no need to reply J
