My dad sadly passed away last week after being told 8 days previously that his previously controlled prostate cancer had spread to his liver, lungs and his skull. He fell asleep 2’days after this bombshell and never really woke up. He was only admitted to the hospice to sort his meds out, or so we naively thought. We had to fight to get him seen to and I’m so angry.
Thanks for allowing me to rant
Sara
Dear Sara
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort from this site knowing others understand the depth of the pain we all feel x
Hi Rach25,
Although I read all the different posts I usually only respond to those in the losing a partner category.
However your understandable distress at losing your 22 year old son is heartbreaking. I wonder if you have come across the organisation CRY. It has a website www.c.r.y.org.uk.
It specialises in helping families who lose a young adult (under 35) to heart conditions and can help with screening and counselling for family members left bereaved. Inevitably, sadly, you may find other families who have suffered the same devastation as yours and it may be able to help with the questions you have.
My husband suffered a sudden cardiac arrhythmia while out with our younger son who also has been traumatized to a level it’s difficult to explain. A post mortem discovered a congenital malformation of one of my husbands heart valves which a simple ECG would have diagnosed. Both my sons require screening now throughout their lives.
CRY campaigns for better screening in young people. They may be able to help you and your family find a way of coping with the unbearable grief you are suffering.
I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this. You may already have come across them. I was positively discouraged from asking questions but with sudden death I don’t think it’s an option. I hope you find someone who can relate to your situation and do their utmost to help you. Thinking of you.x
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Hi Sara,
I am so sorry you find yourself on this site and you are not alone in feeling anger as well as grief following the loss of your dad.
I realize I have responded to Rach25 on your thread and this may divert responses from your post. I am so sorry to have done this.
Did you realise there is a ‘Losing a parent’ category?
Unfortunately there are many others who are in a similar position to you who may be able to offer you support. I do hope so. Sorry again.x
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Dear @Jobar thank you so very much for taking the time to respond. I have heard of them & will for sure do some more looking into them as you say it might help being in contact with people who have been through the same thing.
I’m so very sorry for yours & your boys loss, it’s utterly heartbreaking 
As you say to Sara, i too am sorry for posting on a different thread, I’m not fully ofay how to use this site & find it confusing but helpful & don’t want to stop using it but don’t want to upset anyone either (more upset than they already are) xx
Dear Rach 25,
More than anything I hope you can eventually find some way of mending your shattered life. The effect of sudden death is terrible on so many levels. I once likened it to the nuclear button having been pressed and I stand by that. It removes us from the outside world and all too often we are left floundering on our own to make sense of a world we no longer feel part of. Our level of grief and bewilderment is beyond the comprehension of well meaning family and friends and this is where hopefully more specialised organisations can help.
Just like this site in fact which connects so many of us grieving. Take care. X
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Dear @Jobar
Thank you so very much for your support and support words. I relate to every single one of them. I reflect those words back to you too & wish you & your children and wider family peace & strength through this terrible journey 
Where in the country are you? How old are your children? Xx
Dear Rach125,
One of the strengths of this site is that it connects so many people in different ways. Us, for example through the devastation of cardiac arrhythmia. My husband was 64 and we had no idea he was at risk of this due to the damage his heart valve had been causing. He had endless energy and we thought he was fit. The doctors answer to how this could have gone undetected at his annual checks was that they wouldn’t be looking for it! This is where screening has to be taken more seriously.
My sons are now 30 and 28 so all grown up. The pandemic has impacted their screening as well like so many other people. My younger son has been helped by a new GP in our surgery and he has had quicker access to tests than my elder son whose health area has a local lockdown at the moment. We live in the West Midlands.
I do hope that you are getting support that you, your husband and other son need from the relevant medics. I think I read on another thread that you have all been referred for screening. Hopefully your son being so young will have prioritized your need for support and answers. One of the aspects I found desperately hurtful and damaging was that initially my husbands death was seen as one of those things which didn’t warrant investigation. Only now is my son’s trauma being addressed but it has been tortuous finding help.
Being on this site will hopefully help you gain strength and peace too. We never imagined needing it did we ?
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words xx
Sartiff, I completely understand where you are, I lost my fiancé very suddenly in April just as lockdown was kicking in and I have no answers and am so angry about that, I hope you find the answers you seek here, I am a newbie here but have found so much comfort, please take care xx