I lost my beloved husband on the 29 Sep.I have never experienced such pain.
He was my lovely husband ,friend and soulmate.I just can’t deal with it we were together for 42 years and I feel as if my heart and soul have been ripped out.
.I don’t have close family .I have a friend who comes to see me every week and a relative of my husbands who tries her best to help me.I don’t drive and so am limited.I have cried non stop as I miss him so much and just feel that everything is pointless .
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So sorry you have suffered this awful loss of your soul mate @19Lefke95
It leaves you reeling doesn’t it?
I lost my darling husband in April, suddenly and with no prior Ill health.
However it happens, there is no easy way but I am determined to make choices which help me to lead a fulfilling life. It is easier than it was the first few months for me although tears are often not far away.
I have stared doing some activities again but nothing that we did together. I have picked up my crafts again and play word games when I have time to plus I have to taxi drive for my younger daughter quite a lot as we live in a village with no public transport. Keeping busy is my main ammunition.
This forum has many supportive people so I hope you will find what you need to help you through.
Love and hugs
Karen xxx
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Hello Karen
Thank you very much for your comforting words.My husband had a successful bypass in 2018 but they noticed evidence of Lung problems.It was Interstitial Lung Disease no cures just a matter of time,how long he could hang on.We sold the house 2 weeks before he died he was on 24 hr Oxygen therapy.He just wanted to make it to Hampshire ,dreamt every day of getting me there safely and having a little bit of happiness there but all his dreams disappeared.That is heartbreaking for me.I’ve been reading all the letters on this community conversation all their devastation ,hopelessness and experience I have but I keep trying.I’m glad for you that you have family to care for
Love x
Ann
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You are certainly good in the determination about having to keep going @19Lefke95 . That’s all we can do to have any sort of life at all after this devastating loss.
We’ll help and support you in that as much as we can, hugs xxx
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Hi Karen
We were meant to be moving to Hampshire but I can’t contemplate it as it was our dream not mine on my own.I don’t seem to be able to do things that we both did and I don’t know where to go as I’m writing I’m overwhelmed with tears.It is like being torn into pieces I don’t know where to go .Staying here alone is tearing me apart as we lived here since 1988 .I am starting counselling soon so I pray I can fight this and find my way through.When he had surgery he left me note incase he didn’t make it he saidI was the best thing that ever happened to him and he liked to see me happy and strong.I try to focus on that now that his wishes would bethesame
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Hi @19Lefke95
Your loss is still very recent in my view. Even for me, almost ten months on doing things we did as a couple are a step too far. I have picked up with and started things I did and do on my own plus I do ‘his’ jobs the best I can. The idea of going to the theatre or on holiday or parties is sot something I am ready for. I know I will have to put my big girl’s pants on sometime and do them but not yet, thanks.
xxx
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@Ann As @KarenF says it is early days. The grief can feel overwhelming. Your friends and your memories are with you there in your home not in Hampshire. If you moved your grief would come with you and you would be alone. Your husband’s note is giving you strength and I’m sure that is what he intended. You know he loved you. It’s that love that will get you through. The counselling and posting on this site will help you especially when you feel overwhelmed. There is understanding and support here. xx
Hello Mike
Thank you for your message.
I have never experienced anything like the grief I feel at the moment . I agree with your advice that moving at this time would be inadvisable.I don’t even know where to go .
Although he had Interstitial Lung Disease and was on 24 Hr oxygen therapy he never stopped fighting so as he could see me settled somewhere.The day he died he was normal,his normal and he went to A&E to get some different antibiotics.He wouldn’t let me go as he didn’t like me hanging around half an hour later I had the phone call to say he was dead .I was so shocked the hospital informed the police .I have been in that state ever since I am overcome with lots of things.I feel that if I had been with him I could have helped him to get attention when needed.All sorts of regrets.
Thank you again
Ann
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@19Lefke95 You are not alone. The grief of losing your life partner is unimaginable and beyond words. You have the sadness at your partner not being there to fulfil your dreams, the inner loneliness from losing someone who was literally your other half leaving a gaping hole, and the trauma of how he died. But You should not torture yourself with what ifs as it is highly unlikely you being present would have made any difference to the outcome. I was with my wife when she passed and I could have made no difference at all to the outcome. No doubt the shock of the suddenness of his passing will have hit you hard. Others here have had that experience and you may find solace in their stories. The disorientation is very difficult to negotiate but it truly is one day at a time, taking things slowly and allowing yourself both to grieve and continue. It will not be the life you would choose: it isn’t for any of us. Post when you have meltdowns, ask for support when you need it. Everyone is different, everyone’s story is different but those of us on this site are here for the same reason. You will find support and empathy. xx
Dear Mike
Thank you it’s so comforting to know there are people who understand every tortuous experience.
I am beginning Counselling tomorrow I hope I can be helped to try and get past the day when he died where I am at the moment but I am also so very lucky to have support from people such as you on the Forum.
Again thank you
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@19Lefke95 Hope the counselling went as you would have wanted, to help you move past the day you lost your husband and the issues it raised for you. xx
Hello Mike
Today was an assessment for an hour and the lady wants me to have counselling starting in a couple of weeks for 6 weeks.I am glad as I think I really need it.I had a melt down this afternoon I couldn’t stop crying for two hours I felt really ill afterwards.But thank you for enquiring I’m very lucky that the Forum is there for everyone it is comforting I don’t feel quite so alone
Thank you
Ann
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You are no alone Ann, So many of us share the same feelings as you, and yet each of our experiences will be unique. I am a counsellor myself and going through my own grief processes after suddenly losing my husband in January to sepsis after 46 years. There are days when I cant stop crying and feel so empty inside. Even though everything feels off-balance and it is so hard to accept, professionally i know it is part of the process of dealing with painful experiences, it will take time, and I really hope that the counselling sessions help you. Sending you strength and love xxx
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Sandi Thank you I am overwhelmed how everyone is trying to cope I hope I can draw strength from you all
Ann
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@19Lefke95 Just a check in to see how you are and how the counselling is going. The meltdowns are the hardest to deal with aren’t they and the emptiness, the loneliness inside even when surrounded by people.
I had my own meltdown today with Mother’s Day coming I realised my wife would not be here for it but both of my children’s partners still have theirs. I know they will hurt on Sunday but I don’t know what to do.
Thinking of you. xx
Hello
It was nice to hear from you.I have had two counselling appointments and The lady is very nice and I am hoping she will help me.
Everything that happens daily affects us doesn’t it .It is so dreadful as you realise it is not we anymore but I.
At the moment I can’t imagine enjoying anything on my own,food,programmes the beauty of the world it all seems pointless.
My brother in law thinks that after 6 months I should be getting better.I tried to explain when I lost my parents and my son I was grief stricken but I had my lovely husband helping me all the way.People just don’t understand that a life long partner is different half of your body and soul are ripped out.
I do hope that everyone affected by Mother’s Day manage to get through it
Ann
@19Lefke95 I’m glad the counselling is useful. Like you I still cannot watch any series on TV we watched together or find joy in special things we did as a couple.
Tell your brother in law that 6 months is no time at all when you are grieving and that unhappily he may find this out for himself one day when half his world is ripped away.
I’ve decided to try and hold my grieving on Sunday and focus on my two grown up children as it is an especially awful day for them as both were really close to my wife and miss her greatly. I will allow them to take the lead and follow it.
Love and hugs for the rest of today. xx
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Hi
Thank you for your support.My brother in law had a divorce and so doesn’t understand it when it’s a death separation,on his own admission he has never had a close and lasting relationship.
As you say nobody knows until they experience it themselves.You and I and others on this link know the sheer hell.
When my husband was diagnosed in 2018 I immediately knew what was going to happen as I read a letter from Bart’s where he had had a very successful triple…They mentioned it lightly but the maximum survival is 5 years.and I didn’t want to mention it to him straight away as he was doing so well .Of course later he was aware of it and read up everything and realised everything that it is a terrible disease with no cure but he was very positive.I on the other hand cried secretly in the shower from that day as I was terrified that I was going to lose him.I have been grieving one way or another for 5 years.Also although I was aware of everything nothing prepared me for the day he died.
I am so sorry for your children as they can’t feel the joy that their partners will feel.on Mothers Day as you say you’ll follow their lead.
I will be thinking of you hope all goes well
Annx
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@19Lefke95 Thank you for your support. I don’t think we are ever ready for losing our partners, no matter how many times we are told or however ill they are. When the event occurs we just go into shock. I know I did.
Thinking of you. xx
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