Today would be (is) our 31st Wedding Anniversary. I lost my husband suddenly April 2019, known him since I was 11ys, together since I was 15yrs, married at 19yrs. My best friend, my true solemate. We were chalk and cheese and it worked so well, we laughed, argued, made up , laughed and loved! 33yrs until he was so cruelly ripped away from me, aged 52yrs
We have 2 amazing grown children and a lovely grandson and without them, I wouldn’t be here today .
He was my.life, I loved and lived for him every day, my love my soul mate x
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Anniversaries are so hard Dongle…aren’t they …hard because that special person whom we love dearly is no longer at our side. They say opposites attract… you say you and yours were like chalk and cheese but it worked so well and the 33 years together are proof that oposites attract …nothing I say can take away the heartache you are most likely feeling right now …but I can identify with some of those feelings …our aniversary was in July …but we also renewed our vows Last september knowing that this July we would not get to celebrate all those happy years we shared together. Your husband was young and life can seem so cruel at times …but I’m so glad that you find a reason in your children and grandchild to carry on …thinking of you and sending warmest of wishes your way.
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It will be the 2and anniversary of my darling husband’s passing on the 25th September.Last year(the 1st Anniversary) was terrible.I just looked at the clock until 2.30pm whichwas the time he died.Then I cried til my stomach hurt.It went on for days after that and I thought I would never see any point in living. But I got through it and somehow I managed Christmas.This year I feel a little stronger but I don’t know how I will react on the day. We will always have these days when grief overwhelms us but in between those times it does get a bit easier I promise you. I send my love and thoughts.
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Yes. Angiejo1 and Bab1. Anniversaries can be very painful. I try not to remember them, but it’s impossible not to. It will be two years in November since I lost my wife. Christmases and her birthdays have passed and it has been painful. It does and can get overwhelming. But I realised long ago it’s better to let emotions come. They will anyway. Yes, it does gradually get easier, bit by bit, and all the little bits add up to a big bit. Baby steps, one at a time.
Take care and the very best wishes. John.
Hi Johnathan. Yes you are so right.I got through our wedding anniversary on the 4the July because it was the end of a long lockdown for many people and I could at last go out to have a drink with friends. I also got through Ron’s birthday because he hated birthdays anyway and never wanted to do anything special on his own day.My own birthday hurt more because he always had a card stood up on the dining table for me and he always chose it very carefully for me which made me feel proud when he hated shopping in any form. I also saw him for the last time at the funeral parlour before cremation and I left him a red rose to say goodbye. Christmas I just thought of as a one day event and last year I got through it ok.Like you I try to forget anniversaries but it is impossible and I always start the count down a few weeks before. Bit by bit as you say.
My second wedding anniversary without Steve is coming up. I will get out our ruby cards that we sent to each other . Does anyone else try to wear themselves out just so they may be able to sleep better? Sleep is the only time I get a bit of respite from this heavy constricting feeling in my chest. I know it’s only anxiety but I really wish I wasn’t here just waiting.
Aw Montague.You should do exactly as you feel you want to on your anniversary.It would break my heart to get out cards but that is just me.I have a wine glass with a message in it which says "Love you Mo " It has a triangle of kisses on it and on the other side I have written "Ron brought me this card up to bed with a cup of tea and a biscuit.’ I think he did that because when I worked in Sheltered housing one of the tenants bought me Bride and Groom glasses when Ron and I were married. She had written on a note and put it inside one of the glasses.It said “Just to remind you of me when I am gone.” I still have that glass and note and I think Ron did the same thing so that I could always look at it and remember him always.
I lost my wife Tanya age 51 to Metatastic Breast tha spread to the bones Cancer nearly 7 week ago we have a soon to be 14 year old Daughter & my 23 Anniversary is coming up fast so I am dreading it as the felling of being alone breaks my heart she should be still here if gp sent her for tests when her pains started instead of saying pain was all in her head & she was imagining it.
So I have lost a wonderful wife & Amy my Daughter lost her mum.
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So sorry for your loss Geoff. Ron too was treated badly by GP in diagnosing that he had cancer. He was given all sorts of medicine when he couldn’t digest his food
.Eventually he was told he had pancreative cancer and it was inoperable because tumour was wrapped around a major blood vessel.If they had acted sooner he could have had whipple that may have saved his life. Life is treated so friviously sometimes by the NH S.
So sorry for your loss it is shocking we have a good nhs most of the time & we are supposed to trust them we put our lives in there hands sometimes & they let us down with things like you & I & many people have experienced things like this.
I have actually put a official complaint in against Gp I know it won’t bring Tanya back but I promised Tanya that I would go after gp if I could stop 1 person not being treated the way Tanya was treated it would make me happy knowing I have done something.
As the heartbreak you & I are feeling I would not put on my worst enemy it is the sadness & loneliness of not having our loved 1 with us.
My Daughter who is 14 in a couple of weeks is going through heartbreak.
I’m so sorry for your loss Geoff and your poor daughter losing her mum at such a young age.
My mum was diagnosed with a broken rib for months. Then she died very suddenly. She had cancer not a broken rib. We only found out about the cancer two days before she died. I wrote many angry letters to the gp in my head. I never sent them. Dad spoke to the dr. But apparently she followed right procedure.
I hope you get some answers.
Dear Geoffs and Angiejo,
Unfortunately you are among a growing number of people who have lost the love of their life and are left to pick up the pieces of a shattered life with little help to understand how or why this happened. Too often when a relative wishes to discuss the events leading to death, we are met with obstacles and a defensive wall. From my own experience when my husband died suddenly, our GP was less than interested in looking back at his records. Indeed the first partner I spoke to incorrectly told me his records could not now be accessed because of patient confidentiality.
Whenever a patient dies, particularly prematurely and from treatable conditions, I believe a mandatory audit should be required. this would look at how diagnosis was made, access to tests, timescale etc. If this were automatic I think outcomes would improve. Too often GPs see this as an attack on their competence rather than an important learning tool. They also rely on the debilitating effects of grief rendering us too exhausted and confused to ask questions.
A newspaper article this week on the subject of breast screening in the UK criticised the route to diagnosis and treatment. A leading cancer specialist said the problem lies with GPs being the gatekeeper to specialist centres. It should not be within the discretion of one individual to decide on another individual’s fate.
In my husbands case when he was first diagnosed with moderate hypertension four years ago, if certain tests had been mandatory as opposed to discretionary, the condition which ultimately contributed to his sudden death could have been detected. I have only realised what the guidelines were far too late for my husband . Every day I feel guilty to the point of madness but I don’t think my GP gives it a second thought.
I think we all deserve better. There is much to celebrate in our NHS but some of the excellence is undermined by a refusal to learn.
Learning how to prevent has to be preferable to learning the hard way.
I am so sorry for you both and hope Geoffs that you will get answers. Xx
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Thank you Jobar yes I do agree with you about gp think because people experiencing grief they think are to weak emotionally to fight & yes I am emotionally at the bottom of my life at the moment but I will not give up the fight until I have no fight left in me.
Like I said we put our trust in our gp to help us or if they cant send us for tests at the hospital scans etc.
My wife had Epilepsy as well & he kept blaming different things on that but we know our own bodies & relise when there is something not quite wright so we go to gp & then for them to fail us is heartbreaking.
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Hi Geoff. Rons death quoted was quoted as pancreative cancer as cause of death but when he was discharged from Manchester Royal hospital a few weeks earlier it said Bilary Sepsis.He was put on a women’s ward there and the ward was not clean.There was dust everywhere.Syringes were left on his bed and a tablet was left under the bed for a week.None of the staff seemed to have any knowledge of pancreatic cancer and I could never seem to get a straight answer. He developed ascites and went downhill because he was neither assisted or persuaded to eat.Drinks and food were piling up on his table and were never removed.An soiledincontinence pad was left in the toilet for days.How could he have been left in those conditions when Sepsis was present.(I was never told that he had it) I am usually a strong person and I wanted to complain bitterly after he died but I was so distressed and overwhelmed.But I am recovered enough to let the hospital know how badly they treated my husband even as you say it prevents one person from suffering the same.
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Wow that was shocking the cleanliness of a Hospital should be perfect & not be to told about the septis & the food being left was disgusting.
Good luck & I hope you get answers as the treatment your husband received was shocking.
So so sorry for your loss we only got to 25 years and I now feel so lost I have 2 grown ups with a grand child on the way but nothing will replace Eileen ,it has only been 10 weeks and I am sat crying as I do every day ,got to say it is getting less fraught but all the same it is terrible,once again so sorry
Steve