Three years this morning since my husband passed away. I just didn’t expect him to die. We had to go to hospital on my 65th birthday and he died five days later - he was 69. He had COPD, diabetes from the age of 41, and had had pneumonia for the third time when he died. Is anyone ever prepared for this? My daughter says she thought he would die at anytime (especially as she had gone on a four-day holiday for her 40th birthday and was so worried), even seeing a psychic to reassure her) . On the other hand, my son, who didn’t see his dad quite as much, said he thought his dad had quite a few years to live. For me, I had spent a lot of time in the hospital (trying to sort out his meds, insulin and basically sleeping on the floor if there was no spare mattress). I relive the last night of his life so much - he decided to refuse any more medication, and with that he seemed to have a new lease of life. I think for once he had a say in his future which boosted him up no end. He spoke to me, our daughter, our son (albeit for a very short time as our son wasn’t well (and thank goodness our daughter-in-law drove him to the hospital for a last goodbye). He chatted to our lovely sixteen-year-old granddaughter Molly, and I was almost convinced that he would be absolutely fine. Sadly, after a couple of hours, with me and my daughter Nicola with him, he awoke suddenly and just passed away before our eyes. I know for sure he wouldn’t want any of us to be in pain, but how do we get past this, even just a little bit? Married for over 46 years, how do I ever get over this pain? I miss him so much and time has really made little difference at all. My daughter and son miss him terribly, but they have their respective husband and wife and children to take care of - which inevitably means they are so busy. I am sure they understand to a point, but I think nobody can know the pain until they experience the utter sadness of losing the closest person in your life. Although my husband wasn’t religious in any way, he did say he would try to look over me and after me. I kind of believe he is doing this, but what I wouldn’t give to see him just one more time :broken_heart: :broken_heart:

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Lesley, how brave of you to post your story and so many of the points along the way are my story. A little further along the grief road but it still applies. I don’t think we ever will get over it but we learn to live with it in the knowledge that yes our special person is watching over us. It’s funny how out of all those nice days we can recount every minute of that last day we had with them. It replays over and over but again in some ways it’s nice to know that we were there. We all on this site know just how you feel and send you love and blessings. Take care and stay safe. S xx

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Oh Lesley I do so feel for you and identify. My husband died six years ago and the pain is still raw. I cope ok in public but at home I still cry a lot. We were together for 30 years and he was the only onevwho ever loved me. Like you I wish I could just see and speak to him for just one minute. I was very ill in hospital myself when he died and I couldbt say the things I wanted to. I have not been on this site for a long time partly because I sometimez get overwhelmed by all the pain of others. Since hes been gone some strange things have happened including somethig so peculiat it cant ha e been coincidence I do so want to believe he is still there somewhere. We had no children and I have no other family. If I could just truly believe that he still exists it would give me peace. I find my doubts so strabge because before he died I truly believed in life beyound this one… I do hope that you and everyone who feels this way can find peace and comfort. Bless you x


Hi to you both, Bell, the same thing has happened to me, I can’t explain how this happens but they do. The world is a funny place but I am so positive that things do happen and they are bound our control. S xxx

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Ah thank you Bell,

Often I feel that I’m not supposed to feel this way - but how can I not? I too cope pretty well in public, but not in private. I am so sorry you had no children, and also that you were very ill in hospital. My adult children are a blessing - but also I feel that they do not quite understand even though it was their dad who they loved very much. My daughter keeps asking me to go to the doctor’s for anti-depressants or something, but I have been down that road many years ago so I don’t want to do that, and anyway, I think I will feel like this for a long time yet.
I too am seeking psychic help, just to believe he is there somewhere. I had a private reading (FaceTime) last year, and the person told me he was still with me. The reading turned out to be more for my twin sister, whose son committed suicide six months after my husband died. I was very glad though, to help my sister who as you can imagine was beyond distraught. I did record the reading so feel that it was some help as I had not given the psychic a clue about anything, and he did say my nephew wants to tell his mum he is so sorry, but he didn’t feel that he belonged in this world anymore, and not many people cared about him. Also that he loved his mum, and he was brought forward by his uncle (my husband) and my dad (his grandad). How I hope that is true and I hope you may gain some comfort from this too. God bless you :heartpulse: :heartpulse: xxx