Annoyed with myself

I’ve never posted on anything like this before, but i feel i need some perspective.
I lost my partner of 23 years in july, im obviously broken by this.
But, I feel i should be more in control of my crying, its so unpredictable, like i can speak openly sometimes and other times i cant stop the tears. I was on the phone to a car company there about our car and started getting upset, its so un nerving to me, to not be in control of it.
I wondered if anyone else feels like this or is it just me needing to get a grip!?

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@WeeG Hi and welcome to the site, so sorry to hear of the passing of your partner, everyone on here can understand your situation as unfortunately we are all on the same road. What you describe is something everyone here can relate to and has experienced, I had points when I thought I was losing my mind with confusing and overwhelming emotions. I just let it come and found that it does get easier, the waves get further apart, stability returns albeit slowly. You certainly don’t need to get a grip its just the grief doing what grief does. Hope you find this site of use as I say we can relate and understand and theres no judgement, we’ve all been there.

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@WeeG Sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 40 years in September and I am in floods of tears every morning. I have spells when I am ok. This is part of the grieving process because we love and miss the partner we have lost. Don’t try and stop the tears or hold it in. You need to go through this process in order to release some of the sadness to help you heal eventually (not easy). Everyone one in this community understands what you are going through because we are all in the same awful boat. Be kind to yourself and take good care of yourself. Post here as often as you feel you need to. You will have our support. Sending you love and hugs. xx

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@WeeG totally understand this. I do dance once a week and I had a wobble over a song that had no relevance to us but the words just caught me off guard.
I never know when, why, or what will set me off. On the way to work today I had a little cry, over what, no idea. It was over as quick as it started. I do now feel I can start to control it, and push away thoughts when I need to. Taken 9 months to learn that trick!

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I did exactly the same today. I need new tyres. Phoned a recommended company and they asked me what size the tyres were. I had no idea, I thought I just tell them what type of car it was and they’d know what I’d need. I burst into tears…
They were very kind and said phone back in 5 minutes by the car and we’ll talk you through it.

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@WeeG - I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly on 3 January (we were together 34 years). So I’m 10 months in and still very much experiencing the same as you. I cry at the drop of a hat. Most times I can’t control it and being a ‘control freak’ that really frightens me. I have cried more in the last 10 months than I think I’ve cried in the last 56 years. My counsellor keeps telling me it’s my body releasing the stress. That helps in a way, knowing it’s doing something healing for my body, but in another way I just keep wondering where it’ll all end and when I can save it for myself rather than sharing my grief with others when I really don’t want to (e.g. at a work meeting!!!). All I can say is that most times it’s met with kindness and so I think we just have to run with it until it’s done with us.

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So sorry for your loss , it’s 9 months for me and stil feel out control of my emotions very unpredictable but just have to let it out , only just started back to work it’s the same there unable to control tears take care x

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Thankyou everyone, its rubbish we are all in this!! I aporeciate you all taking the time to reply, it helps to know im not the only one feeling this way (i mean i know that, but its easy to feel alone in it all!)

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Take care you are certainly not alone with the out of control emotions, I hope it’s healing as it happens when it happens, no control. Take care x

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Just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel when you say you feel ‘alone’ even though you aren’t. That’s my overriding emotion - the aloneness (rather than loneliness). In fact that’s often what brings tears to my eyes when I talk about Brian - the knowing that he’s not around and I am ‘alone’. I have friends, family, good neighbours. Try to be out around people as much as I can, but nothing really helps - I can sit (as I did last night) in a full theatre, and still feel completely alone because he’s not sat next to me - even though good friends are. Hang in there - because that’s all we can do (or at least all I’m trying to do).

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Aloneness is the exact word, there is a feeling when you are with your loved one that is so comforting, you can have that special look or squeeze of your hand that says a thousand words that only you two understand. That is something that I miss so much and know I will never have again. But we have to find our way forward somehow, keep trying bit by bit to move forward day by day, love to all x

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I cried in lidls at the premade salads, just sobbing. Everyone turned to stare at me. I also cry when I see the steamer, his glasses, and the hob and I are not on speaking turns.
I yell at his jar(urn) telling him he got the easy part. I have no idea if this is how grief is suppose to be.
I hate that I’m left alone dealing with everything.
Both my parents passed and the grief was nothing like this. I can’t seem to get through it and it’s going on 11 months.
Your loss is only very recent. Cry over the best things and the silliest things. I do.

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I said the exact same thing, ive had my share of losing people really close to me but this feels completely different, i think its not only the loss of my person but the loss of all that we should be doing, the loss of that time with him is heartbreaking!

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It’s 8 weeks tomorrow’s since I lost the love of my life. I’ve cried everyday since he passed, sometimes I cry so hard I get chest pains. It’s just so heartbreaking what we are all going through. Take care.x

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@weeg. So sorry you’re feeling like this. I’m exactly the same, sometimes I’m quite calm, then out of nowhere I’m sobbing. I’ve found I can’t say the words out loud, I was told that shows what a strong bond we had. I found that quite comforting strangely. We’re all just trying to keep going. Know that there’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. I hope you can ease the pressure on yourself, you don’t need to get a grip, this is the hardest experience for most of us. I really wish you we’ll x

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1 know that feeling of crying so hard your chest hurts, it’s very frightening but I feel the tears calm things down. I don’t think there is an end to the tears is there ?
Wishing you all the comfort the tears bring x

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@Kathy6 I have literally cried everyday since September 16th, I feel like I don’t want to be here without him. This time of year is so hard without our precious loved ones.x

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Saying it out loud is awful. I didnt realise how many times i would actually have to say the words! Im realising im not in control of the tears so need to just go wirh it, its not easy though!

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@Helen24 Me too, my husband died 26 Sept and I’ve not had a day without tears, some days I get to evening before they overwhelm me. I’m trying my best to have a life but I have no idea who I am now, that I think will take a long time. Sending love x

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I’ve just read an article in the daily mail about Annabelle Croft and her time in Stricyly.

This is what she said about grief and it’s so true

“Some days I’d be blindsided by a piece of music or a particular memory, or I’d be showing someone a picture of Mel and find myself losing it. Other days I’d be able to just chat about him.

'It’s unpredictable, grief, but I think I understand it a little more now. I think Johannes does too, which helped.”

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