Another anniversary

Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my soul mate, best friend, much loved husband’s passing. Wednesday 18th December 2013 started like any other day I kissed him goodbye as I went of to work at 8 am. We were happy as two days before his son, who he hadn’t spoken to for a long time, had got in touch, Christmas was a week away, the cards were up, the presents bought, the food was in and on top of that we had been planning our future. We had flights booked for March 2014 to travel to Lanzarote to look for somewhere to live; we were selling up and going to live in the sun. I spoke to Brett throughout the day and at 8 pm that evening he said he was on his way home - he never arrived he collapsed as he was coming out of work and was rushed to hospital, his works had rang me and while I was waiting for someone to come and pick me up the doctor in A&E rang me and told me over the phone he had died. He was 58 I never got to say goodbye or hold him. Within the space of 12 hours my whole world and my future had come crashing down. I still don’t think I have come to terms with it, I still can’t believe I will never see him again and I can’t believe 4 years have gone. The first 2 years I was on autopilot the last 2 a bit easier possibly because I am a bit stronger. It’s little things that set me off still - I went into a drawer the other day and caught sight of one of the highlighters he used to use when doing his holiday sheet for work, I can be sitting watching TV and glance at his photo and my heart lurches and the tears flow. I have only, the beginning of this year, managed to give his clothes to charity - his dressing gown is still hanging on the back of the door (I spray it with his aftershave every now and again), some might say I am torturing myself but it gives me comfort. Yesterday i went through all our photos and videos of our holidays it was painful but nice as well to see him laughing and messing about and chatting to me. I don’t have children and friends have their own families so this year I am going away to a hotel for 5 days, it will save me cooking and washing up. And so starts another year without the love of my life, I met him on his birthday and we married 12 years later on his birthday in Las Vegas so next year on 2 March we would have been together 25 years and married 13, not as many as some on this site though. A friend said to me the other week that she thought I would have been feeling better by now! How little they know when it hasn’t happened to them. To all on this site who are on this long, dark, painful road of grieving I send my love - Marilyn xx

I lost my husband 2 years ago.We were going out to lunch and I was getting ready , when I came downstairs I found him collapsed on the kitchen floor.He had had a massive heart attack and despite my efforts to revive him, he was already dead.
He was only 57 and upto then had been fit and healthy.
The thing I find hardest is that we never got to say goodbye,to tell him how much I loved him.I miss him so much,but I miss the life we had and long for the future we were looking forward to .
The kids were grown , my son at university, we were looking forward to an early retirement and time to grow old together,and now I’m alone. 2 years on and some days I feel I don’t want to go on

Hi Diane, I quite agree not being able to say goodbye or tell Brett I loved him still haunts me but I’m sure, like your husband, they knew we loved them by all the little things we did. I looked after him spoiled him and pampered him because I loved him and I miss that. I like you miss the life we had planned and what could have been and we plod on through it. I didn’t have any children with Brett but his son by his first marriage has three boys and when I see photos of them on Facebook it breaks my heart, they are so like him and he is missing out on so much. I miss Brett so much, I would like to tell you it has got easier but it hasn’t I think sometimes it is getting worse. This time of year is difficult for anyone who has lost a loved one I hope you can get though it the best you can take care Marilyn x

Hi Marilyn & Diane

Thanks for sharing your stories. I think when someone goes unexpectedly it is always a great shock. My husband (Geoff) died in his sleep in October aged 68. I am still finding it hard to believe he has gone. He has been a part of my life for so long. The only comforting thing was that nothing had been left unsaid. Only recently we had talked about our lives together and how we thought we had done. We both agreed we had been lucky spending so much time together, raising our sons and helping so many families in our business. We knew we couldn’t have done anymore. We talked about one of us being left to carry on - we thought it would be me going first ( I had found a lump). We didn’t need to say “I Love You” we just knew. I’m sure your husbands did too. Sometimes words are not needed.

We always appreciated our life and although we were still working ( our choice) we used to say we are having our retirement now. We used to go for meals, pub lunches and trips to places of interest never worrying about the cost or planning for the future because we knew our life was going by. We used to be so positive about everything and if one of us said anything negative the other would immediately stop them and change to something more positive.

We used to start and end the day writing in our Grattitude journal. Haven’t been able to do that since Geoff’s been gone. I do feel grateful though that I had Geoff in my life for 40 years. He had Polio when he was 6 and was in an iron lung for a year. He died once and came back. All his life he had weak lungs and associated health problems but he never let it stop him. He always pushed himself to do more and was a brilliant husband and father so I know I have been very lucky.

I am going to do the ‘Grief Recovery Programme’ over the holidays. I will let you know if it helps.

My thoughts are with everyone on this forum as we all struggle to get through Christmas and the New Year.


Hi Yvonne, thanks for replying. I am sorry for your loss I’m sure you’re still in shock as it is very early days for you. You have great memories and as you said nothing was left unsaid, that must be a comfort for you. I am grateful for my life with Brett he was a one off a big character and my life is so empty now he always used to say I’d be bored if I didn’t have him to look after how right he was. You take care of yourself I hope you get through Christmas as best you can. I hope the Grief Recovery Programme helps and keep coming back here any time Marilyn x