11 weeks since my husband Keith died and I’m having another lonely & crying day, my husband’s car has been sold, I don’t drive and can’t afford to just keep it sitting on the drive, some might say it’s just a lump of metal but to me it’s another part of him gone, I’ve closed the curtains so I don’t have to look at the empty driveway, does this physical pain ever go, will it become a dull ache that I can accept one day, I keep being told by well meaning family and friends to “think about all the happy times you had together” that’s even more painful because I’ll not be making any more “happy times” with Keith.
Still very early days for you. I lost my Wife of 40 years, nearly 2 years ago. She was 59…me 58. I miss her every day. When i had to change our car it was so hard. Yes, it is only metal, but then everything they had was so precious. Monetary value means nothing…sentiment and memories are priceless. It does get a bit easier… but still hard. Only people who have been through it understand. Take care x
Just over a year for me. As others have said it is very early days and I am sure that you will still be in shock and trying to comprehend so many things. I still only take one day at a time.
I can relate to your comment about the car. We each had a car and after my husband died I wanted to hold onto his car even though mine was a more recent reg but then it started to breakdown (as did so many things in the house after the death of my husband) so I had no alternative but to sell it. Leaving it at the garage felt like leaving my husband all over again. Although my car is on the driveway I still look at the space where he would have parked up and it hurts.
I close my ears to others comments, except for those on this site who can understand our pain. I was married over 38 years and yes we made lots of memories but I thought I had years ahead of making more.
Thinking of you.
I had to comment after reading your tale about the car going as I was exactly the same. The garage collected it when my granddaughter happened to be here and we both cried buckets.
What I did, and unfortunately this is too late for you, but might help others, was to have his number plate transferred to me through DVLA and I had it put on my car. That helped. Hugs, Ann
My daughter in-law took pictures of Keith’s car, I would have loved to have kept it but I don’t drive, it’s another part of him gone, we had lots of plans going nowhere in particular but going together, get so angry and feel so cheated
I have not touched anything else belonging to my husband. Its just over a year but cannot face clearing anything else away. Even his jackets still hang in the same place in the garage. Like yourselves we had plans - simple things like just to be together in retirement.
Although I have had counselling it has not dampened the anger. But for a motorbike I would still have my life, hopes and dreams. Now everything is just empty. Our grandson’s get me out of bed but like today when I do not have them it is difficult to get out of bed and do anything. Just another day of crying.
That’s lovely, Sheila. Yesterday, our two youngest grandchildren (13 and 19) asked me for a couple of his shirts. They want to have cushions made for their rooms. It has taken them 15 months to feel ready for that and I thought it was a great idea. They only want shirts they remember him wearing!
I didn’t think it was necessary for me to have anything like that because so much reminds me of him, not to mention all my diaries and holiday folders. I actually find it very hard here because everything reminds me of him. As I think of him many, many times a day anyway, I find that extremely hard. So much so that I am moving to a flat on the seafront in a neighbouring town in the next few months. Before this house, we had always had a sea view and I miss that.
Tony didn’t want to live there, although I always had a yen for it, but I never persuaded him. I could have done, but I am glad I didn’t.
Hopefully, this will be a new start where I can remember him frequently, as always, but on my terms!
Nice to speak to you again, Sheila. We will keep in touch, I am sure.
Hugs, Ann x
I totally understand how you feel, and if this had been our first house, I am sure I would feel the same. Unfortunately, I don’t have such happy memories here because pretty soon after we moved in, I was very ill, and nearly died. Not long after that, both the tendons in Tony’s legs snapped out of the blue, and that was horrific. I wanted to move then but, frankly, I think he just couldn’t face the upheaval. This is a large house too, and I do not need all this space. I have had to have someone to do the garden as I always hated gardening. All in all, an expense I can do without.
You are right about the horrors of packing. I have had to get rid of a lot of stuff. I feel so bad getting rid of Tony’s stuff, and I shall keep certain items, but I really do need to leave here. I live in a village, which is quiet, and my sitting room is at the back. This means I see nothing going on in the village ( not that much does!) and sometimes I feel like I have died!
Where I am moving to, there is a very busy harbour, with ferries coming in and out all day. I used to work at the nearby docks, so it will be home from home for me. I also have a friend who lives in the next block, so it all looks like it’s the right thing to help me. The apartments are beautiful, and cheaper than this house, so I can buy some new furniture too!
Time will tell whether I have made the right decision, but it can’t be worse than being here.
It is eight months since my darling husband David passed away , and I understand just how you feel , friends and family tell me to remember all the wonderful years we spent together, when I try the pain of Grief becomes intolerable, I just miss him so much and there will be know more happy times together . I hope like you that time will help ease the pain and one day I hope the daily tears will stop
I’ve done the same I’ve kept my husbands 2 favourite shirts and his jacket and I breathe in his smell when I put them up to my face and then I cry some more crying now just thinking of him I’m so glad I found this site I don’t think people quite understand losing a partner unless they’ve been through it themselves it’s lovely being able to talk like this thanks everyone it really helps xxx
I do so understand how you feel , it’s been almost 8 months since my darling David a aw
I understand just how you feel , it’s 8 months since my Darling David passed away and I still cry every day, yes there are ma y wonderful memories but it’s so painful to remember the happiness we shared , the physical pain is so real , it’s just so hard to be on my own without David to share with everyday life
13 weeks since my beloved Keith died, yesterday would have been my husbands birthday the first without him, I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would but my god today my world has fallen to pieces again, children and grandchildren visited yesterday but I just ended up exhausted keeping it together for them because they’ve lost their dad and are grieving too. Bed is such a comfort did get up eventually, managed to shower and get dressed in clean pj’s, have wasted the whole day doing nothing, hopefully tomorrow will be better.
It’s so alright to have do nothing days I find I’m having them more and more and I’ve stopped feeling guilty about them now I do understand how you feel I feel so much better since I’ve been on this site I’m not alone now it’s so good to talk to everyone my best wishes x
I don’t see that you have wasted a whole day at all, you put it to very good use, being kind to yourself, after an exhausting day keeping things together for your family.
That’s one of the many things people don’t seem to understand, and why should they, but in the early days memories are painful because we so desperately want to be able to make more. I can’t look at photos of my husband as all I see is a loving, happy, smiley. Heathy looking man looking back at me and then I wonder why he’s not still here.
I had to sell my husbands car too and that was hard as it was his pride a joy.
I am the same as you. I had to sell Tony’s beloved car too, so I know just how you feel about that. Photos really hurt!
As for missing him, there really are no words.
I am with you x