last night (Saturday) our daughter came with me to Manchester Arena to see Rod Stewart. He is Alan’s all time favourite singer and we never ever missed going to his concerts whenever he appeared in Manchester, since the late 60’s.
going to see him this time with our daughter and not him gave me a few tears I can tell you. I was alright when we got there, but the minute he stepped on the stage and started singing, the tears started falling. then I felt ok and begun to enjoy the concert. yes it was difficult and yes it was strange not having Alan sat/standing next to me. the evening was going well until Sir Rod or ‘The Dude’ as Alan always called him, started to sing a very special song that we both loved deeply, that was it, I cried all through that song, I didn’t care who saw me, or what they were thinking. this was our moment, mine and Alan’s
I went on to enjoy the concert for the both of us, I could feel Alan was by my side and for one split second the man next to me caught my elbow yet it felt like Alan had done it, overall I was better than I could ever have imagined. I truly feel that if I can attend a concert of his most favourite artist of all time, I am well and truly capable of travelling this different life. it has been another milestone and one I have reached with his support and love. I am not saying I’m through this grief, today is a new day and being a new day anything can happen to trigger another memory which creates more tears. yet we all must continue to improve our different life and live it knowing they are constantly by our sides, we may not always sense them close, when they were here on the earth plane we didn’t constantly think 'oh he/she is by my side ’ , ‘can’t feel him/her as I sit here, walk here, watch tv, etc’ so whilst we didn’t constantly think of our departed loved ones every minute of every day because we knew they were always there, it is the same with the spirit world. sometimes they make their presence more evident than at other times, yet we know they are always close by.
what I’ve come to realise this morning is 'YES, I can live this different life, YES I can enjoy the things we did together, I don’t have to avoid them anymore, what we both enjoyed together I can still enjoy with him by my side in spirit. and you know what!!! that is what I am going to try to do. last night’s event has given me new strength to walk this different life. I don’t know the route I don’t have the map, it’s still one day at a time because we never know what our different life will bring, just as we never knew what our lives with our dearly departed would bring in the future. there will always be ‘A Spanner in the Works’ that title of a Rod Stewart album just came into my mind so clearly I know it was Alan giving me this advice. sorry if my ramblings are not making sense, they are to me.
it was through Alan’s love of Rod Stewart that I began to enjoy his music and concerts, my taste in music is reggae with the likes if Bob Marley Peter Tosh, Garnet Silk and of course UB40, the latter I never missed a concert of theirs. we both had a love of the music of our era too of course but having a different taste made our music experiences far more enjoyable, after last night’s huge milestone I do feel strong enough to listen to the music we both loved together and later I am going to try to listen to Alan’s favourites as I clean the house. just like I always played music during my cleaning sessions.
thank you for reading this far.
truly hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on yesterday.
blessings and thank you for reading
Jen☆
t a hmhennu after hidog3
☆