OK, this Wednesday is the day. The day I return to France. Alone. T has an apartment in the Alps. Where he loved to ski. He had it for years, then when we met, I loved it, too. And now he is dead. I have to return there, sort things out, pick up the threads.
We were last there before he became ill. So in the apartment is our life before cancer, before suffering, before all the hell we went through. I am dreading going, but I have to push through this first.
Opening the door there will see me open the door on grief- or rather, grief will come for me there. Anyone else got a first coming up that they are dreading?
Hi, firsts of everything are so hard, when you have lost a loved one, I remember going back to the place where we got married, I had to stop the car because of the tears, it’s just so hard, sending love Jude xx
I have a first coming up in the form of our granddaughters wedding. I know my husband would have loved to be with us and that all the family is wishing he could be there. I am going to feel so weird to be there alone, even with family all around me.
I feel for you @Vancouver, it can be so difficult to sort out the things from the past. I hope you will find comfort and maybe even a little happiness as you revisit the place you both loved which holds so many memories for you.
Thank you, @Jude28 - thank you for sharing. This is all so hard and sad. I hope that the anticipation is worse than the reality will be. I know I won’t find him there, but he will be close - I hope. Take care and loads of love xx
That will be difficult for you I’m sure but you might get some comfort from being where you spent many happy times.
Good luck with it hope it goes as well as it can xx
Thank you, @Barbara61 - I hope so - I can talk to him there and tell him how the snow is! A big topic for ski lovers. I walked into the town today, to drop of forms at the solicitors. As I was walking back he felt close again. I treasure those fragments in time. Stay well, B x
Well it’s another first for me today. Today would have been our 43rd wedding anniversary, its coming up 8 months since Carole died and it’s been a roller coaster of a ride with all it’s ups and downs got to say today is a down can’t seem to get any motivation to do anything . Everyone stay well john
@mcbear- sending loads of love to you today. 8 months is no time, my friend so completely understandable that you feel down today - 43 years is a lifetime of love and companionship- this is hard, hard, hard to lose. Hope you might find some light today, my friend. Your Sue Ryder family is right here for you
Hi
It certainly is a roller coaster and these special days are difficult to get through and obviously take you down again. Do what you need to do to get through. Think of all the happy years you spent together.
Take care xx
Rebecca an myself would usually visit my son an his family at Easter he lives in England we live in Northern Ireland. I was going to go on my own but put it off just couldn,t face going by myself. i am taking my daughter an her family to Spain at the end of August as that is what Rebecca would love me to do, her family meant the world to her. My son,s wife is from Mexico she has not seen her family in a few years so they have booked to go there.
i am hoping that i will feel a little better at the end of August, still wont be the same without Rebecca. There will be eight of us going all being well.
It will be my penultimate first on the 24th. The day my husband died at 9.53am. I held his hand until he took his last breath and haven’t stopped crying since. His funeral was the 7th May. I have still that to come. I can’t believe it has almost been a whole year since I hugged him and told him I loved him. I miss him so much it hurts x
Oh @Nel - my heart goes out to you. I was the same with T - his last breath was 20:10 January 24th. I was there. I will never forget the finality of it - and live with it every day. It will be your last first, but your love goes on and on and on. I am with you, my friend, as we head towards this last first for you. We can walk together, on here, day by day as the days lead up to it. I understand how you feel completely. Take care this evening, xx
and it’s been a roller coaster of a ride with all it’s ups and downs got to say today is a down can’t seem to get any motivation to do anything . Everyone stay well john
it’s nice to know I’m not going through this alone and there are people on here who know how I feel. John