Another lonely weekend

It’s 13 months since I lost my husband and I feel lost and overwhelmed. We used to share the jobs - he would water the garden while I cooked dinner, we would change the bed together, so much easier to change the duvet cover with two. He would do all the DIY and share the gardening jobs - now everything is down to me. I look at the garden, the paintwork that needs doing, the garage that needs clearing out, the pile of paperwork and feel totally overwhelmed.
We would quite often head out for spontaneous day trip or go out for breakfast or lunch, now there’s nothing.
Friends and family have been supportive but everyone seems to have their own things to do at the weekend. I’ve tried going to church but most people go with their partner/ family and I feel even more alone.
I really don’t like meeting up with couples as I feel like a spare part and envy their togetherness. Dinner with a group of friends or family (all couples) is hell and I now make excuses.
Today feel even worse as it’s Father’s Day and I can hear my neighbours enjoying the company of their families (I lost my dad in 2019)
How do I go on, what have I got to look forward to?

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Hi Mandy it’s been 15 months for me, it doesn’t get any easier does it. I know what you mean about the duvet cover.
I try to keep myself busy and keep to a routine. I still work which does help but I’m not very good in social occasions especially if couples are there. Yesterday I braved it and went to the cinema on my own It wasn’t as scary as I thought it might be.
I keep up the garden as it was my husband’s pride and joy. As far as decorating goes I just get someone in to do it now I’m such a messy painter, Doug would never let me have a go. It is overwhelming when you overthink what is your total responsibility now, when you used to share jobs around the house. I try not to think to far in advance take one problem at a time. We were going to get our bathroom done just before he died now that will have to wait.
I do go to church and have made some good friends, many of them on their own too, so they just get it. I have got involved with church life by being on the coffee rota and helping at messy church. It gives me a job to do without worrying about socialising.
Father’s Day has been challenging, my daughter came to see me today, she said it’s not the same anymore is it.
Sending love Debbie X

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Thank you for your message Debbie, I’ve been to the cinema with girl friends which was enjoyable but I’ve yet to go out for a meal or even a coffee on my own.
Our church has a weekly cafe so I might brave that. I feel so silly as I used to have a high powered job and had no problem with walking into a crowded room on my own and giving a speech to 100s of people now I’m struggling to have a coffee on my own. Grief does strange things to us.
Sending love x

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Hi Mandy I lost my husband to be 15 months ago and was due to marry 6 weeks after his death and like you lost my dad June 2019 I had doing family things as all my siblings have partners it’s horrible one of my brothers just got marry I couldn’t go I would have found it to upsetting , I also find the weekends really hard and boring all my friends have husbands, I know when I feel better I’ll have to start to do things alone but when that will be I don’t know xx hope your not to bad xx Yvonne

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Sorry I got the date wrong your dad passed it’s very early days for you xx Yvonne

Hi Mandy, it’s been 14 months for me.I know exactly how you feel,I hate weekends too, I’m on my own all week so sat and sun,no differant, but when you see couples\families out and about, it makes you feel so dreadfully lonely, I don’t have a huge garden but big enough,it’s been my lifesaver since my Glenn died,he’s in a pot under a beautiful rose,so I know he’s watching me,saying well done Pat, I’m keeping as busy as I can,but you still have to go indoors, I do volunteer work a couple of hours a week.just got to keep going,
Sending a hug.xx

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I closely relate to your feelings. Someone said that when one is used to being half of a couple, it’s really hard being single again. We need to reinvent ourselves and our lives somehow. I find it’s very hard after over 40 years of marriage though but I will give it a try.

Thanks Ed9
I agree about having to reinvent ourselves but it’s tough as you well know. I’m pleased you are going to give it a try, good luck and please do stay in touch x

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no advice. often we go into full retreat to spare ourselves pain.

I do. I am in retreat now after feeling new pain.

one does cut off. it seems natural to me as we do not want to expose ourselves to hurt.
maybe we should. until we are stronger and always from a source of persistent pain.

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