With every week that goes by I just think well thats another week nearer to being reunited with Jim. I feel I’m just wishing my life away because I have no life since jim went. My day consists of dragging myself out of bed (only because dogs want to go out ) having a cry, get dressed, cry, take dogs for walk, cry, watch tele, cry, feed dogs, cry, go bed at 5pm and cry cry cry . It’s been like this for 6 months and I don’t feel any better
Aww I am so sorry to hear you are having a hard time missing Jim.
If you ever want to talk about him I would love to hear more about him.
To tell people about him may help.
Oh Misprint. You have just described me only some days I don’t get dressed as I have slept in the clothes I am wearing for the next day. I cry. Take the dog for a walk cry. Come home. Cry Wash up cry and wonder what I’m meant to do for the rest of the day. I have no enthusiasm and find I lie on the sofa watching tv or not watching just staring at it. I hope things change and I will feel more able to cope x hugs
I met Jim in 1992 when we both worked at same firm. We was both with other partners but both of use was in abusive relationship his was physical and mine was mental. We got together in 1994 when we moved in together we married in 1998. Jim had a heart attack in 2001 and had to have triple bypass op after which I gave up work to be his full time carer. We decided to live life to full and brought a caravan touring all over the country. We had a wonderful time being together 24/7 for the last 20years. But this year he found a lump on his side and after a scan was told it was cancer. We was assured that he would be fine and it hadn’t spread so the day he went into hospital we wasn’t to worried and I remember the last thing I said to him was you’ll be ok Jim and I’ll see you in a week (wasn’t allowed to visit). This I keep playing over and over in my mind why didn’t I tell him how much I love him and hug him a bit more then I did. Op went well and I was texting him and phoning him every day then I rang him and he said he didn’t feel to good then doc rang to say he needed another op as he had blockage but when they opened him he didn’t have a blockage so op was not necessary but because of this he got sepsis followed by pneumonia followed by kidney failure and heart failure he was moved from one hospital to another just because they needed the bed. I was allowed to visit but he was on a ventilator so I don’t think he knew I was there then they said he couldn’t wake up so I think he had brain damage being on ventilator for weeks. On August 12th I was called in and told they was going to turn off ventilator I held his hand as he took his last breath at 3.15 in the afternoon. Since then my life ended as well. I had to now organise his funeral I didn’t know where to start how I got though these first weeks I don’t know I can’t remember any of it. I dressed him in his Manchester United top and his favourite joggers. Saw him at funeral parlour where I left our wedding photo with him and kissed him goodbye. Now my days are a nightmare I hate my life . I’m been up cemetery everyday since funeral to talk to him I miss him so much. The future scares me I’m 60 in a few weeks time and I have physical and mental health issues but may have to go back to work I’m so scared to go out and meet people . My confidence has gone and I’m started having panic attacks. How can life change in a blink of an eye. Friends have all but deserted me now and I only have my mum left. This is My life now and it stinks
Thank you very much for telling me more about Jim and it sounds like you both met at exactly the right time and caravaning round the country sounds so much fun and I can only imagine all the happy memories that you must have.
What you have described at the hospital just sounds chaotic and I am sorry you have had to live through this.
By the sounds of your life together he certainly would know how much you loved him and vice versa.
You’re right though life does suck just now and can’t quite see how just now but surely the loneliness has to become a tiny bit more tolerable somewhere down the line.
Always here if you want to talk some more and take care,
I have just read your story. I am heartbroken for you. A lot of it resonates as my husband had a cardiac arrest in front of me. He pulled through and was following instruction such as squeeze my hand. That evening I was called and asked to come to the hospital. When I got there the consultant spoke to me but I didn’t understand and still don’t. I asked if he was going to die and the consultant replied we would be having a very different conversation if that was the case. The following day they attempted to stent which was unsuccessful. He was then suddenly sent to Manchester Royal. I spoke to the consultant who said he would need a triple bypass but was too ill at present. He was kept on a ventilator for a month and each time I spoke to the consultant he would say my husband was very ill and would not be the same man if he survived. He then told me that he was almost dead on arrival at the hospital and should never have been transferred. Finally after three weeks they managed to take him
Off sedation long enough to do brain scans. They had known since he was admitted that he had no brain function but had to prove it with tests. I then knew that my husband would never get better. He had pneumonia twice sepsis and kidney failure. The kept him alive and treated him with such dignity until they could eventually carry out the tests required to prove lack of brain function. I stayed with him and held his hand for five hours until he took his last breath. I will never forget that moment. My heart was broken and it will never mend x
So sorry to hear your really struggling. I feel the very same. Just praying that when the sun shines ku it may give us a little boost. To go little bit further then just walking the dogs. Hang on in there . Sending love & hugs
It’s so easy to beat yourself up about what you could have done, it all replays in my head but I know it was always a crisis and making decisions and struggling to manage at that point so don’t be hard in yourself misprint Jim knew you were there for him and had his back, it’s all these restrictions I remember a terrible night my husband was taken by ambulance and just by luck I was able to stay with him in a&e nobody said anything then in a flurry the nurse says right we’re going up on the ward now and when we arrived the young nurse shouted at me and said you can’t be here you need to go and both me and my husband were totally distraught both crying because I had to leave and he only lived for three more weeks but what could I have done but you’re right it plays on your mind and plays havoc with your emotions sending hugs xx