Hi
Another weekend to get through so 
Feeling down today missing my husband badly only 4 + months and just spent my birthday 66 years and i feel like I’ve aged so much. Just feel like due to his sudden death at 63 and 35 years married. I just dont know how long i want to suffer this pain. I could live for 20+ years if statistics are right dont think i want that now suffering ever day year. Why do some people die suddenly no reasons life is unfair i am sure of that.
People think i am doing well but i guess i am as trying to survive in this cruel world.
Please let tomorrow be a better day 
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I truly hate weekends. Particularly Sundays. I survive. I look in the mirror and feel I have aged but people tell me I don’t look my age. I feel every single minute of my 71 years. I am about the same stage as you for grief. It must get better. My neighbour whose husband died 7 years ago assures me it does. At least it is sunny this weekend here. Keep strong. Keep going. Keep surviving. Love and hugs. Sandra
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I do try to keep positive but it really is hard some days
I tell myself it will get better but sometimes at weekends and nights it catches up and i feel sad and upset. I know others are suffering too and i am not or never will be alone in these moments.
Weather here is terrible never stopped raining all day. Could be more upset due to not being out all day due to the weather.
Hope tomorrow’s better.
Each day is different now life will never be the same but i have
To learn how to cope somehow
Take care
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I know weekends and nights are normally when I find myself crying. Tonight Moon River set me off. No idea why. I used to sing it a lot I suppose. Now no one to sing for. It is going to get worse now the darkness will be longer. I suppose I am lucky that in the West Country at least we have had warm sunny weather. Thinking if you.
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@Pudding
Moon River was the song my husband and I had the first dance to on our wedding day. Such a lovely day. Wish he was still here so we could dance to it again.
It was dark by 6.45 here tonight and I had the curtains pulled. You are right, the evenings will seem endless now until the spring.
Take care xx
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It has been so warm here I have just put the blind down with window in half latch. Supposed to change mid week. Long dark nights didn’t used to bother me but I am certain they will this year. Hasn’t helped today that HMRC has sent me the 4th tax code since he died. This one effectively doubles the amount of tax I will pay. Just what I need this month with new glasses to pay for. I also know I am going to have a large tax charge for Norman coming. Why can’t they give us a break?
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@Pudding
Yes, it has been lovely here too, very nice and sunny. I wore a summer dress today as thought I might as well while it is still warm. It will be strange to wear coats and boots again.
The tax office need to get your tax code right. Like you say, you don’t need all of the stress at the moment. They should have some compassion and make sure they deal with bereavement cases quickly and correctly. I hope it soon gets sorted out.
I used to think winter nights were cosy with my husband here. We used to put the lamps on and light candles. I still have candles but it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. xx
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Unfortunately I think HMRC have got my tax code right. At least for this year.
I saw and cried at moon river on strictly too @Pudding no previous Link to that song . I think it was just really emotional. Annabelle Croft’s husband has just died 11 months ago though . She did so well .
Xx
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Once again people seem to abandon me at the weekend even if I contact them! I did manage to pop out last night and the two friends I’d been asking help from turned up!! People seemed kind and understanding, plus I got many hugs when I said I was having a bad day. I normally use music as something to help, I play the piano, so yesterday I sat down for about 2 hours playing all sorts of things including Beethoven and Chopin. After as while I decided to play some music from a book I have of film scores, that was fine until I decided it would be a good idea to play the music from the film Ghost (Unchained Melody)! I managed to, just, finish the piece but could barely see the music at the end as I was in floods of tears. I suppose when my head’s in a very dark place it doesn’t take much to tip me over the edge but I think if I play the piano today I won’t play that one.
I can see why something from Ghost wouldn’t be a good idea. I used to love being involved in music but have forgotten how to play my instruments. As a child I played 3 types of recorder then moved on to clarinet. My father said it sounded like a cow in pain in the Mersey tunnel. I dabbled with guitar and keyboards. It must be cathartic being able to play.
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It certainly helps. I started learning the piano when I was 7 but despite giving it up as an angry teenager I got a piano in my late 30s when we moved back to Kent. I had lessons for many years until my teacher died a few years ago and am at about Grade 8 level. I also play the recorder and sing. My autistic son learnt the clarinet and then progressed to the saxophone, he’s very musical and takes after me rather than his scientific dad! Although the music made me cry yesterday it cleared things and was somewhat cathartic so I’ll probably play some more later. Gail
It myst be very comforting and relaxing for you to be able to play the piano.
Another weekend for us all they seem to last forever. In Scotland we have had lots of rain and flooding so be unable to get out makes it seem longer.
When there is a break in the weather i am going to go out take the brolly or else i wont see anyone again today.
Fresh air might help me feel better too.
Anyway wishing you all a nice sunday and take care. 
Lynne x
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Amazing how different from one end of the country to the other. The sun is shining and it is warm for October. Supposed to be like this until Wednesday. Another horrid Sunday though.
The weather is lovely here too i Kent, but unfortunately my sprained ankle is still causing me problems so won’t be going out for a walk today. The ankle is gradually getting better but I still need to be careful. Hopefully I’ll be able to walk/hobble the 100 yards up the road to go to the raffle at my local micro pub at 4.
Oh it’s a hard journey. I definitely have more better days but still quite a few like you describe. This awful weather doesn’t help. Hoping tomorrow is a better day for you. X
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