Another year begins.

Is there really any point. 1 year 11 months without
The love of my life .
And this has been the worst ive ever fealt .
I think i was just in shock the first year and was worrying to much about other people to realise that my life as i new it is over and never coming back.
And i have no desire to make a new life .
Life with out her is pointless… its just get the day the week the month over .
Lack of sleep is driving me insane .
I quit my job which had become unbearable .
And i can see no point in anything…
Apart from. My grandchildren which i think is the only thing that keeps me on this planet.
Its just not looking like i can keep going .
Its like all along you think you had loads of people and family and friends in your life but you look around now and say were are all these people were did they go Where they even ever there.
I wish i new …

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Hello @Fred123, It is so tough, so hard, so difficult, isn’t it? I am only 11 months in, but it feels like forever. Days and nights are both so long. My friend, from what you wrote, you are very sad and grieving badly because you love your wife so much and you miss her. I think maybe a chat with your GP about how you feel might help as sometimes we get so sad it is really difficult to feel better without support. The lovely and hopeful blessing you have are your grandchildren, who I bet really love their granddad. Never mind New Year Resolutions, Fred. Or new starts and all that. I am going to talk to my husband tonight, about the love we share even though he has died. Knowing that this love continues, no matter what, keeps me going. I reckon your beloved wife would want you to take care of yourself, to be kind to yourself and to be the great granddad that you are. There is reason to keep going, my friend. And we are through the shortest day now, Spring will soon be back. Keep posting, your friends are here and we understand exactly how you feel.

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Hi @Fred123, I empathize with you completely.It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, that hole will always be there, that emptiness, but we will gradually put all our broken pieces together around that hole and continue to live our lives, always surrounded by the love we shared with our soulmates. That will never be taken away from us. It’s been just over two years since I lost my husband, but seems like it’s only just happened. I can’t believe this is the third new year and he isn’t here to see it.
@Vancouver, I always talk to my husband too, I tell him about everything that’s happening, he taught me so much with his wisdom and knowledge , I owe it to him if I manage to carry on and I keep telling him that.

Wishing peace and strength to you both and to everyone here, for the coming year.

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Hi yes this is my second Xmas and I feel exactly the same, the realisation hits home that I’m on my own, I’ve tried to be festive for my little grandson but the toll it takes on me is immense and I’ll be glad when this season is over and I don’t have to pretend to keep everyone else happy, thinking of all our poor wounded souls xx

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@Vancouver i too talk to my husband but, oh dear, it really isn’t the same. My husband died very suddenly in November. I have been in so much pain this last couple of days I just don’t know how to get through it. I can see no point in anything any more. I have a big, very supportive family but I just want my husband back. I really don’t feel I can go on without him. It’s too hard. I’m so sorry for your loss and you really seem able to be so positive. You’re an inspiration.

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Yes fred completely resonate wuth what you are saying i am 6mths on from the very sudden death of my soulmate who has been by my side since i was 15 years old . I too have a daughter and granddaughter an have said the exact same words it us only them that keep me on this planet and i only feel normality when looking into my 19mth old hrandaughters eyes. I have has some very dicey moments along the way being pulled back by phoning cruse. I have found councilling helps with getting these issues out, although it is very exhausting. I am attempting to return to work in the new year but not sure if i will be able to hack it . I think the hardest thing for me is my linda was a large reason for everything i did. That part of me died with her and i am back to being that emotional 15year old. So i am truing to get old me to help him, but some days it is ruddy hard. Stay strong buddy.

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I feel exactly the same Jean
Paul suddenly passed away on the 13th December aged 65
I feel like im in a dream, its not real
Im like a shell, no feeling
I dont want 2022 to end as it means he doesnt join me.
This time last year we were here, at my sons home, (from my first marraige) at a family fancy dress party. He dressed up as Harry Potter, even spraying his hair dark brown. and i was Maleficent…we had so so much fun with everyone.
Now i sit here trying to hold back tears as we are watching TV. I cant bear to go back home yet. I have to carry on for my family but i feel like a zombie with no soul.
Before midnight, i will go into the bed my son and wife have set up for me, take a sleeper, and sleep probably until 3am ish.
I feel for you all in the same position as me.x

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Yes. Last year at this time, we were at my eldest daughter’s celebrating our granddaughter’s 10th birthday. I thank God that my husband knew all his 10 grandchildren - I doubt there will be any more.
I’m also getting fed up with people who know what’s happened sending me big, flashing ‘Happy New Year’ messages. At the moment I feel I’ll never be happy again and frankly I’m finding it very thoughtless.

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My husband died in August and on one hand it feels l like i haven’t spoken to, seen our touched him for a very long time and in the other hand i feel as though it’s only just happened. Somehow I survived Christmas - i have no children (or Pets) so i went to my v sisters. My 85 year old father is unwell and is needing multiple visits a day to check so this proved to be a distraction on the day itself but i have really struggled since then and like all of you are finding new year tough. It is also my birthday on wednesday and we were going away. I am still in bed and am finding it hard to motivate myself to get out but i need to go and check on him (my sister has done the morning shift). I still cannot believe my husband is dead and i keep thinking of the last v time i saw him when he dropped me off at the airport seeming fit, healthy and happy and I feel as if i am going mad as i caanot get my head around what had happened. I am so lonely, he was the centre of my world and i can’t imagine every been happy again.

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I too am sick of all the Happy New Years etc, a so called very good friend sent me a message wishing me and my husband and sons a Happy New Year, then prattled on about how she had been busy and couldnt celebrate as had work but she will catch up with me and celebrate one day next week ??? I was so shocked :astonished: I asked if she meant to send it but she was so busy standing in the queue at Tim Hortons for a coffee she would message me back later :roll_eyes: which she did but just to complain they gave her the wrong coffee! I have been so upset all day as to me she has forgotten my husband isnt here anymore and that her coffee is more important to her than my feelings.
Sorry for the rant but I am just so upset and angry.

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That must of been so hard for you and incredibly hurtful

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@Fran61, that story about your friend nearly had me in tears. I understand how her words must have upset you. This is just our proof that even our good friends just don’t ‘get it’. They end up hurting us with their insensitive language, I think they are just so embarrassed to find themselves in a situation which is completely unknown to them, as if they just want to run away from us, say anything that comes to their head just to get it over and done with. A neighbour of mine finally came to visit me after two years, she didn’t mention a word about my husband during our chat, then when she left she said I could call her any time to get together and go out for a coffee. As if I would! I wanted to tell her that she should be the one to invite me out (even if I would surely refuse), but I just nodded my head, saying goodbye.
Take care.

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@Fran61 I’m so sorry for your loss, Fran. You really do not need ‘friends’ like that. If there’s one thing this horrible event has taught me, it’s who my real friends are. Some have really stepped up. Some have sent me text book platitudes 6 weeks after it happened. Sorry, but that’s too late when I knew they knew straight away. Please know that we all know how you are feeling and don’t ever apologise for ranting. It’s what we are here for. Big cuddle to you xx. Jean.

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Sending you so much love as I know exactly how you feel. Please take 1 day at a time and just be kind to yourself. It’s hard, I know. You feel like there’s no point for anything and this is made worse when everybody’s celebrating and on a high. My fiancé suddenly died earlier this year and I replayed everything in my head, why I didn’t see it coming etc etc. I’ve been on the go since, working, caring for an elderly parent but you have to be careful not to burn yourself out and if right now all you want to do is stay in bed- that’s fine Put yourself first.
Your partner sounds like he was an amazing charecter.:heart:
It’s going to be ok I promise you. I’ve been a screaming mess on the floor, wanted to scream at most of my friends for not understanding so as horrible as the emotions are feel them safely. :heart:

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I know how you’re feeling jsg…my wonderful Paul died suddenly 3 weeks today.
I feel so lonely and scared for the future.
We would have been away over Christmas and we had a cruise booked for 3rd feb, which he was so looking forward too. He’d watched the video about the ship a few times and was pretty excited that we’d booked it.
I keep having vivid dreams and cry in my sleep.
You’re not alone jsg…xxxx

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The more the days are passing the worse I seem to be getting, I keep on being told it’s early days (she died November of last year) take it day by day but I’m feeling worse everyday, panic attacks, feeling sick & just don’t want to go on, I’m 46 & so wish I was at the end of my life & not so many years ahead to live with this for; I wouldn’t do anything because I’ve got my mother to look after & I wouldn’t put her through that & the fact if one takes their own life I may not be reunited with my partner which I am so hoping for, sooner rather than later!! I just can’t take this anymore; I’ve always had my partner & we did everything together; I can’t take this pain, even medication isn’t helping me.

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Emz i truly feel yout pain,as does eveyone on this site. It is so hard, exhausting and makes you physically ill. It may not seem it but you are doing well by posting to this site. Thinking of you and sending a virtual hug.

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Can anyone actually say on here it does get easier over time?

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It will be coming up to 12 months for me since my husband died and I can’t say it has gotten any easier. I cry daily, sometimes really sobbing. In the car I scream because no one can hear me. Some folk on here have said two years before they start to feel better others have said shorter/longer, so I just think we will do it in our own time. I still can’t believe he has gone. I still expect him to come through the back door from the garden gasping for a cup of tea. Sending love.X

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@Emz - yes - me - I can. My husband died in January 2022, after a year of terrible suffering with cancer. I hit rock bottom - his engineering business went into administration, I struggled with the probate nightmare. I stopped eating properly. I couldn’t sleep. I cried out for him in the night - begging him to come back. A year on, and I am wobbling into a new year, a new start and a new beginning. Today, I took some of his clothes to a charity - I couldn’t contemplate that until now. I wake up and feel ready to face the day. So hang in there, my friend, hang in there. While it may not seem possible right now, the clouds will pass and the sunshine will break through again. Keep posting, your friends here are with you x

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