Anxiety after five years of loosing my Mum suddenly

Hi, I am so thankful to have found this community.

I lost my mum in 2013 before Christmas. My Dad became poorly with the stress and my sisters Mental Heath deteriorated severely.

I had to be strong as there was only me to keep it altogether. I had to think of my husband and daughter to.

Five years later and this Christmas I am filled with Anxiety and doom and gloom feelings. Couldn’t wait for Christmas Day to be over. This is not me, I love Christmas and tried hard with Christmas after mum passed, to enjoy them, knowing my mum loved Christmas too.

This year I feel like I do not want to be around people … I just want to curl up in a ball with my dog. I am scared of these feelings, I suffer at the moment with fatigue during day, suiting , insomnia, palpitations, severe pains in leg joints … shooting pains elsewhere, nausea, etc etc and intense fear done times as if I’m going to have a panic attack again …my good friends father died last week and I know what she is going through and I have a funeral ahead of me and had to go to a funeral last week to support my Dad. My Dad and Sister are well now. I, however am not … I’m struggling !

Hi Sarah,i know only too well those feelings of anxiety you describe,i think our mental health is more important than our physical as the two are linked and if we are suffering emotionally our bodies suffer,if we heal the mind our bodies follow,the pain from grief will always be there ,there is no time limit to something so life changing,i lost my husband this year in March and i have suffered with anxiety for a number of years ,but the grief has raised my anxiety levels,verging on sheer panic some days,like yourself and other days more manageable sort of simmering away waiting to pounce,life throws so much at us doesnt it.I think we should feel what we feel at the time,theres no reason why we should always have to put on a happy face and pretend everything is just fine when its totally not.Im pleased your Dad and Sister are well now,but like you mention you have been strong and kept it together and gave them your strength so its time for you to be strong for yourself and find a good place in your mind,to heal your mental health.I know its not easy,i struggle each day too.I wish you well,be kind to yoursel and take care xx

Hi Robins,

Thanking you so much for your reply. Saddened to hear you lost your husband in March. You are so right … The trauma of it and constant heartache and the strength needed to move forward is a daily battle … there are always something that reminds us. It is I believe a life changing loss. It has changed me as a person, I constantly try to get the old me back but it will never be, as I have this great big black hole in my life now. Therefore, i will plod on and learn to accept the way things are now, without my Mum. Think we really have to look after ourselves too whilst we battle through.

I wish you all the strength and courage to get through your deep sadness …and look after yourself too. We will no doubt share our feelings in the community again very soon, gaining strength. Take care xxx

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