Hi All never joined anything like this before. My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer mid Jan 2025. Things have been awful with her suddenly passing mid March. During this time lots happened including her having a severe mental health reaction to steroids. I feel I’m probably quite traumatised by the last few days of her life also as she clearly hadn’t been expecting things to deteriorate so quickly, none of us had, had some of the things she said haunt me. I have had anxiety and panic attacks for the last 10 years - ifs fluctuated a lot I’ve tried various medications talking therapies and supplements - nothing ever completely gets rid of it. However since my mum passed my anxiety has escalated way out of proportion and I don’t know what to do. The GP agreed to give me short course of diazepam which I’m nearly through. I’m waiting on community mental health team to advise GP about other possible longer term medication that might help and I’ve referred myself back for counselling. I’m frightened as I’m due back at work end of the month and don’t feel I can cope given I can’t even cope with general everyday life. Don’t even know what I hope to gain from this. Just maybe that I’m not alone and how do other people cope. I just feel I’m doing something wrong or not getting it right. I look around and everyone else seems so ‘together’. Thank you for taking the time to read if you got this far!
Hi Pineapplechunks2018,
Everything you are feeling right now is normal. I lost my mum 2 years ago and felt the same.
You are doing everything bright. You have rea he’d out for help from your Go which is brilliant. You have found this site so you will gain friends on here and lots of support so please keep posting.
As far as work is concerned don’t go back until you feel ready. Ask your GP for a sick note and try to find out how long you are allowed time off on sick leave.
You are nowhere near to being able to go back to work so put yourself first and take time to heal and get through this awful grief.
People on here are so kind and supportive and I know soon you will have more replies.
I just wanted you to know I care and am sending you strength to keep going
Deborah
Hi. I’m really sorry to hear about your mum. 
Please don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, it isn’t strange that your anxiety is sky high now, with how it happened and the trauma of it. And you’re not alone. I too have struggled with anxiety since long before my loss, so I know how hard it is to handle on a daily basis. Diazepam is helpful, but it isn’t a longterm solution. I try my best to distract myself, that’s the only thing that works somewhat, but I wouldn’t say I’m coping either.
It sounds like you are on the right track with the community mental health team and counselling. Perhaps trauma counselling would be beneficial. I agree with Deborah, it’s way too soon for you to go back to work and hopefully your GP will be able to write a sick note. 
Thank you for replying and your kind words.
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your Mum. 
I lost my sister suddenly in October, and there were some experiences and details around her passing that I also found quite traumatic. Like for you, the loss caused a big spike in anxiety, which I’ve had issues with for a long time. I can get overwhelmed by feelings of sheer panic when thinking about the loss.
My GP gave me promethazine to help sleep and propranolol for anxiety flares, which had helped me in the past, but this was only really a short term option. Headspace has always helped me manage anxiety, and I’m leaning on that again at the moment, for mindfulness exercises.
The past six weeks I’ve also been focusing on exercising as much as I can. Walks, cycling, anything at all. I’ve found this to be a bit helpful in getting the nervous energy out of my system and giving me time to clear my head. Maybe it’s something that might help a little bit in the coming months, or provide some distraction. Anxiety is different for everyone though.
For returning to work, I would try to take things as slow as you can, if your job will allow. A phased return helped me, a few days a week until I could settle back in. Maybe you could look at your tasks with your manager, and see if anything can be taken off your plate for a bit. Definitely be kind to yourself, and take it day by day when you do start back.
Hi
I lost my mum to lung cancer just before Christmas… your message on here touched me. I am still feeling like I haven’t fully accepted it yet. It hits me sometimes when I least expect it. My children are grown up and they have been great but I don’t want to put on them when I am struggling and missing mum. Like you I have struggled with anxiety the year leading up to losing mum. It tore me sort inside seeing her decline and become frail and not the happy person she was. Watching someone you love slowly fade away in front of your eyes and knowing that you can’t stop it is heartbreaking. I took an due back in work next week, a totally new job. I am really nervous but I feel that this is something that I need and will maybe help me through my grief and give me some focus.