Hi Joyce
It is strange and took me by surprise feeling anxious about going to places that I went all the time always on my own over the last 3 years as my husband was battling cancer. I just feel an anxious feeling in my stomach and often when I get where I’m going it goes away. It’s like the thought of going is worse than going. My daughter has suffered anxiety since a teenager and she is experiencing this as well. I think we just have to patient (it’s been 4 and half months for me) and hopefully we will get more confident in this different life we have now.
Take care x
1 Like
That’s so useful to know. I feel just the same ie the anticipation is worse than actually being there. Thank you so much.
The other thing I’ve started to experience is - I thought I’d got over the daily impromptu tears but it’s suddenly come back like a second waive of grief!
1 Like
I hadn’t cried for a while and one day last week I woke up with the anxiety stomach and the tears just came when I was drying my hair. After a good cry I felt a release. I think you need to let the tears come. Someone on here said it’s like a pressure cooker building up and it has to release. A very good description I think. Xx
1 Like
Thank you so much. I feel better knowing it’s normal to go through these different feelings
2 Likes
This group is great for that. I’m sure you will get a lot of help and reassurance xx
1 Like
Thank you so much. I too wake up with anxiety and worry if I have to go somewhere. Ialsohave tears everyday. It makes me feel normal knowing seats all going through the same. I have booked a yoga class foe4.3.22 and am worrying already about going x
1 Like
Hi Karen,
I’m sorry to hear about your loss, you obviously loved him very much.
Can I ask if you think the anxiety is because you are worried you will get upset while you’re out on your own? and you think you wont be able to control it? or maybe you always went out with your husband and you just feel a bit lonely/lost?
I really feel for you when you mention about not being able to repair the sign, its clearly on your mind all the time which is completely understandable and the anxiety I believe is part of that as the feelings are still very raw and you’ve gone from one extreme to the other. I promise this will get easier 
I had the same when I lost my mum when I was 10, I had very little time off school but when I did go back, I was worried and anxious that I’d start crying in front of the class and be laughed at. I know that’s not quite the same but I guess the worry is the same ie. losing control of your emotions somewhere other than home.
It will get better and you might find that some days are better than others once you start remembering the good times and use the people around you, use your friends, ask to chat to them, ask to meet up with them and try and occupy your mind even if its just for an hour or so, it all helps!
Take care of yourself x Lee
1 Like
Hi Lee
Thank you for your message. Yes, I think a bug part of it is about breaking down in front of my students and colleagues.
I’m usually the person who gives emotional support to my friends, family etc so needing it myself is really hard too.
I find it really tough when I bump into people who knew him really well too and they start asking about how I’m coping - as my eyes just water up immediately and I find I have to constantly pause to try and stop myself breaking down.
Karen xxx
Karen,
I guess it can be difficult going from the person who usually helps other people to being the person who needs help, now is the time for them to look after you.
Its nice that people who knew him are asking how you are coping too, it all happened very recently so its completely understandable that you are struggling as you are, anyone would.
Just remember that you have got your friends and family and its ok to be the person asking for help, It’s ok to not be ok as they say
Do you have any hobbies you could concentrate on?
Lee xx
1 Like
Hi Lee,
Yes, I have hobbies. My main hobby was sea angling as we had a small fishing boat, but I just can’t face that without him. I have a dog though so go walking with him and I enjoy crafting and woodwork etc. Just haven’t really felt like doing anything like that yet.
I’m busying myself with decorating at the moment and I have two sons who live at home, as well as my step son who are all great support.
The hard times are of course when you’re alone. I just keep feeling that I’m doing okay then I’ll have some really bad days when I don’t want to do anything except cry.
I just miss him so much, like we all miss our other halves.
Xxx Karen xxx
Hi Karen,
Ah that’s great that you have your sons, step son and your dog too
You will have bad days and in a way its sometimes good to just let it all out, its a way of relieving at least some of the grief in my opinion,
The big breakthrough is when you feel you can go fishing on your own and feel secure, happy and that he would want you to go fishing and enjoy the things you used to do together and that time will come trust me!
Lee xx
2 Likes
So sorry for your loss my husband passed away 9 months ago after being diagnosed with cancer 3 days earlier it was found by accident went to hospital for torn muscle in thigh they found pathological fracture so did mri and ct mutiple cancers I thought I was coping but the last 3 to 4 months have been horrendous my anxiety is awful but it has manifested as a health thing every little pain or ache I think its cancer I think because my husband showed no symptoms of anything he was fit and healthy no medications for anything no weight loss nothing that’s what has shocked me when he was diagnosed I am ok going to shops and stuff but this health anxiety is making me Ill and I cry at the least thing feel I am going mad
2 Likes
Dear Lou. I know exactly where you’re coming from. I’ve just got back from an appointment with the nurse and was mortified when I got outside the health centre to find it had gone dark. I got so anxious because I was outside on my own and it was dark. I’m now tucked up safely in my safe place (home) and my pulse is coming back to normal gradually. I ask myself time and again why? I was a confident out going person before my husband died in August from cancer. He fought his battle for four years but the end came suddenly when he got sepsis.
Joyce
1 Like
I am so sorry joyce to hear this its horrendous my hubby was so quick people say thank god he didnt suffer yes I am thankful for that but I cannot understand this health anxiety I am ok while I am out but the slightest thing headache I think I have brain cancer have been crying all day its seems to be spiraling out of control I saw something on news about Ukraine and Russia had a anxiety attack thinking I am not going to see my kids again I am normally a strong feet on the ground person but this is ridiculous I live abroad so dont see family often can you control your anxiety at all
1 Like
I hope you start to better soon being on this forum has helped me realise I am not alone I just need to try and overcome this anxiety and I hope you overcome it soon .I dont want to go drs for antidepressants god bless you try and stay strong I know it’s hard
1 Like
No Lou I can’t control the anxiety, but it does help to know it’s a normal process of bereavement.
1 Like
Anxiety in grieve is normal lost my wonderful husband 15month ago he had stage 4 cancer cared for him for 10months it was height of Covid so it was just him and me found him died in bed 11th November 2020 lv and take care annie x x
1 Like
The only thing that helps me is safety netting when I go out I have a paper bag a bottle of water one diazepam just in case otherwise I never take them this makes me feel more secure. I also listen to a guided meditation if I can’t control it and do the belly breathing. If all else fails I just cry x
1 Like
Hiya nel cry everyday just want my hubby back but I will try to continue forward like I promised buts it’s so hard lv annie x x
1 Like
Hi Barbara.
Yesterday I was telling a friend how I’m finding it difficult now that people are getting on with their lives but I’m still grieving so lmuch (it’s 6 months since my husband died). I really related to her response - she said “next time you’re having a bad day, sat in front of the TV in your dressing gown just say to yourself (over and over if you need to) that I give myself permission to do this. It’s not wrong no matter what other people say. The difficult thing is you’re sat there thinking you shouldn’t be doing this , but actually there aren’t any rules, so long as you give yourself permission to do whatever makes you feel better. In other words we need to get rid of the guilt we feel about doing something that other people would think isn’t acceptable.
I really related to her comments and am going to try and follow her suggestion,
Good luck
1 Like