Hi all,
Firstly I want to send my love to everyone here and hope they can find some peace.
I was hoping someone might have any ideas on how to cope with anxiety, I am struggling to get negative thoughts out of my head and generally have been a mess since my beautiful wife passed away on April 29th. I try to think positive thoughts but the demons take over and I get headaches, shake and am just in a bad way. I have managed to do a few hours at work but find this difficult. If there are any techniques people use to help calm them I would really appreciate your help, I was hoping just putting this down might make me be able to understand my feelings better, I am trying my best but am unable to find a way through. Mornings do seem to be the worst time. Thanks in advance and I hope we can all get some comfort in life at some stage.
Joe x

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Sorry you are having such a bad time with anxiety. I didn’t realise til I saw on here that anxiety is common with grief. I’ve never suffered with it before but I was anxious going anywhere even my daughters house and just sitting in the house. It’s mainly in my stomach like feeling nervous all the time and yes mornings are the worst. Eventually I went to the doctor who gave me medication which has helped a lot. Still get it a bit but it’s a big improvement and my mood has definitely lifted.
Might be worth a chat to your doctor.
Take care xx

Hi I didn’t realise I was suffering with anxiety till I read posts on here . I just thought it was my broken brain.putting thoughts in my head doubting everything . Mornings are worse .I think when you wake .if slept . You realise you have another day to get through best you can . without the one person you need and want to make everything perfect again . Also I find my broken brain plays havoc with me on a night especially when I can’t sleep . I’m sorry I don’t know how to help with this. Just thought i would let you know it’s normal to feel like this .hopefully other people might have some good advice . Well done for going to work . I know how hard it is . But I find it does help me a little with some sort of routine to my day. Thinking of you . And I haven’t found anymore white feathers YET . Xtake carex

Thank you Barbara. x

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Thank you Broken, no I haven’t seen any feathers but I did get a beautiful butterfly dancing around me a while back which was nice. x

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Hi Joe, First of all I am so sorry to hear of your loss as I’m sure all of us on this caring site are.
Yes I do know exactly where you’re coming from and I also find the mornings the worst time. My techniques are to first really stretch and yawn… then I splash very cold water on my face and then breathe in deeply some fresh air. I then talk to myself and say what I’ll do that day even the most trivial thing like peel the potatoes!!! I also love aromatherapy oils, lavender and basil are good for lifting the mood mixed with some carrier oil and I rub this into my hands and on the soles of my feet. It smells lovely and it helps me sleep if I put a few drops on my pillow at bedtime.
I have been to see a bereavement counselor who helped me try and come to terms with the loss of my husband Pete. It was good to let it all out to someone I didn’t know as I was trying not to burden my adult children and put on a good show for them which is tiring. Also I hadn’t been able to cry and I did break down at one stage when she asked me when I had first met him, It was such a relief to say how I felt to a stranger who is now a friend.
Not sure if this is any help to you but I think what you describe is very much a apart of the grieving process sadly.
My thoughts to you and everyone here on this tiresome journey.
Love Jenny.

Hi Joe again… Think I managed to send this to Barbara instead of you. I’m not very good in the technical world.
Love Jenny

Thank you Jenny and I am so sorry for the loss of Pete. I am trying various methods, I have spoken to a grief counselor and have started to see a hypnotherapist. My wife loved her perfumes so I do spray one of those around the house, not sure if that’s a good idea but it gives me some comfort. I also try not to burden others, although when I say this I am always told it’s not a burden for them. I appreciate all your ideas and will definately give them a go.
Joe x

My husband of 39 years passed away on 13th June, just 5 days without him. He was only diagnosed on 8th May, and I am still reeling from everything.
I have never been a nervous or anxious person, but I keep waking in the night (when I sleep) and my heart is pounding, I feel like I can’t breathe.
I never imagined that I could feel so sad and heartbroken, wish I was out of it all and with him.

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Hi so sorry for your loss. It is the worst pain possible. Nine months since my hubby died. And the pain is worse now than ever. I write in my diary every night asking him to come and get me .but here I am still plodding on each day. It was our 40 wedding anniversary on thursday and I found it so hard. I sleep very little and forget to eat some days. I still work and find it does help me a little . Posting and reading on here has helped me a lot. I thought sometimes I had totally lost the plot . But realise now it is part of grieving. The only thing I can say is just take things hour at a time. And if you feel like crying let it out. I think I bottled a lot up at first because I didn’t want to upset my adult kids . That is maybe why I feel worse every day. This is so heartbreaking losing the one person who is our life . Thinking of you xtake carex

Thank you so much for your advice and kind words. You have really helped me.
Ann xx

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Hello joeb40,
I am very sorry for loss. My brother (age 74) died mid February this year and I too find it difficult to adjust. He was 5 year older than I and used to look after me even when we where young. And now, I am totally lost without him. We saw each other every day except for about 6 years when we lived in different countries. He was the best brother I could have wished for.

My worst time of the day is about three ours before sundown when anxiety often turns into panic attacks. I often talked to “Cruse Bereavement Support” or the “Samaritans”, and it helped a lot. I just wish I had found them two months earlier.

My mornings are more like a disappointment that I am still alive. But, when my cat jumps onto my chest for a cuddle, it all changes. I remember that I have to look after the cats now. (My brother left me two adorable cats.) The little girl is the sensitive one and she cried the day my brother died. It was a sound I have never heard before.

Having too much time to think is a big problem and we cannot switch it off.

I find it calming talking to my friends on Jitsi Meet. Most of them have scaled back now, apart of one. He is a 85 and lost his wife in 2019. My brother used to phoned him ever so often. And now, he helps me. We did spent a lot of time talking on the phone and later on Jitsi Meet. We have less to talk about now but we have Jitsi still running. There are times when he watches TV and I do some typing. It is as if we are in the same room. (It helps a lot.) (Jitsi is easy and free to use.) - Perhaps you can find someone here to talk with you on Jitsi Meet. - Talking is the key.

Take care of yourself. Nick

Thank you Nick, I appreciate your help, and am so sorry about your loss. I never really understood about grieving, I guess nobody can until something tragic arrives. I will have a look at Jitsi Meet.
Sending love

Hello Joe,
Jitsi Meet is easy to use but might be a bit confusing the first time. Let me know if need any help.


Thanks Nick, I haven’t really got anyone to chat to at the moment, I do use whatsapp and speak to people there.
I think for me I have to get to grips with my new reality, which I know will take time, I have to learn to adjust to a different life like most people here. Currently I still get overwhelmed with stuff so am trying my best to figure it out.
Cheers for your help, really appreciated and sending you and everyone else love.
Joe x

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Hello Joe,

Have you ever tried a supplement called GABA?
I came across it when I was looking for something against anxiety.

  • My brother used to buy it. I found some in a cupboard and I have been taking it again for about a week now. But, it could just be a coincident that I have slept better the last few days.

Ginger is also to have calming properties.
12 Foods that Fight Stress

7 Foods You Need to Avoid to help Your Depression or Anxiety

Does any body take GABA or Ginger?

Thanks for that Nick I will give it a go.
Joe x