My husband passed away last week, completely out of the blue.
I have no family nearby but lots of very good friends, who are being very supportive but none of them understand my loss as they haven’t experienced it and I wouldn’t wish it on them.
Being a widow at 53, just seems unreal. I am taking it day by day, but wondering when I will fall apart as I seem to be on automatic pilot.
I was thinking of trying meditation to help my mental health so if anyone has any link suggestions I would be grateful
Welcome to the group no one wants to join. I’m afraid I can’t help with meditation but I know a few people have posted links that they have found helpful. I’m sure they will be along to help.
I have found this group a life line. Until you have lost a partner you can’t possibly understand how we feel and think. You can post anything here, a question, a rant or just that your feeling particularly sad that day and someone will be along to offer help or support.
Hi Noo23, I am sorry that you find yourself on this site with all of us here suffering.
My wife died on Christmas day and the pain was unbearable and the loneliness that followed was also unquenchable. When my wife died I decided to channel the pain into exercise. I lifted weights and walked until I dropped. I think this helped with the cortisol and made sleep easier. I also did a little yoga which also helped relax the body but for all of these things it was still very difficult to control all the emotions and now I still find I go through waves of pain that at the moment are normally at the weekends Being able to chat to people on this site who all understand what Iam going through helps a lot. If you’re used to doing meditation I’m sure it would help too. I hope you find the strength you will need. Wishing you all best
Tom
Am so sorry for your sad loss. It’s so cruel to lose the love of your life so young. I’m 55 and lost my darling husband 6 months ago to pancreatic cancer. Like you, I never thought I’d be in this position at my age. I thought we had years ahead of us.
Please do keep reading and posting here. Here you will find friends who know only too well what you’re going through.
hi @Noo23 . I joined https://www.fionawatsonmindfulness.com/ to encompass mediation and mindfulness, and it was highly successful, and helped me hugely to help with my bereavement. Fiona is a lovely coach, and has recently started to concentrate on the ladies. Her coaching is all done by zoom, which works amazingly well. You will get a free 30 minute chat to explore how she can help. Good luck
There are several grief meditation videos on YouTube which might help you. You just have to find one that resonates with you. You could try this one by David Kessler, the grief expert, to see if it helps. It worked for me!
So sorry for your loss. It’s good you feel supported by friends, take all the help that’s available as your thoughts will be all over the place now. For me the first few months after losing my partner suddenly were a blur, a combination of deep sadness, loss, disbelief and anxiety. Grief is horrible it takes over your life. I’m seven months in but don’t really feel any better. Take care and keep on posting especially on those days where you feel particularly down. Everyone this site knows what it’s like.
Hello Noo23, I lost my beloved Mum in October. I don’t know about meditation in relation to bereavement, but I did autogenic training (mindfulness) for a medical condition many years ago at what is now the Hospital for Integrated Medicine and it is evidence based. I do remember one person attending who had lost her mother and she stopped attending as it was not the right time for her. In my work I liaise with CAMHS and they recommend ‘bottom up’ practical activities when there is trauma. I found being physically active, practical has helped me. I still dip into my mindfulness at times.
Im so sorry for your loss @Noo23. I started meditation around 5 years ago via the Headspace app - thats a paid subscription but they offer free trials I think. There are beginners courses on there and useful explanatory videos that helped me. They also offer a lot of free stuff on YouTube if you wanted to check them out first. https://youtube.com/@headspace?si=7kbrYatgswh_dt_J
The Insight Timer app also has a lot of free content and you dont have to sign up to anything to access the app.
If you find it difficult sitting still to meditate initially, I started with some walking meditations where you are focusing on your movement and the sensations around you. Plus you get the benefit of fresh air, sunshine and exercise all at the same time which can all be beneficial. Any type of mindful movement like yoga / tai chi are good too. Its about finding what works for you
I would say, Noo23, to try and relax into the bafflement, but it’s not easy. Keep trying though as it’s not going away - my lovely wife Heather died in 2014 aged 47 and, 12 years later, I’m still baffled every day. Life doesn’t go to plan, but accepting that, and enjoying the life you get, that’s the trick. When you find out how, please let me know Very best wishes to you. For now, just keep going, day by day by day. Take care, Richard x
Hi Rainyggg28, welcome I’m sorry you find yourself on this site but I hope you find it somewhere that brings comfort knowing we all understand how you feel to have lost a partner.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hello Noo, I’ve just joined this site as well. I’m a widow in my 60’s , my husband died in an accident abroad in January this year, total shock and disbelief. The pain and tears we all share, you’re not alone. We all deal with grief differently as we are all unique . For me, I have found my faith and family to be my anchor. I’m far from where I want to be but have great hope due to my faith and that feeds my spiritual health and my family need me. Family ensure I’m eating well and I’m quite active so swim and walk regularly, I don’t know of any meditation techniques but I do meditate on Gods word. Things like ‘ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, ‘ God says ‘i will never leave you or forsake you,’ blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted. ‘On you tube there are videos that offer healing scriptures to help mend a broken heart played with soothing music. That may be something you’d like to try and maybe relax and breath slowly while you listen. I find this helps me. Take it slowly and do what’s best for you. I never thought I would be on my own at my age either, my husband was fit and so am I , so completely unexpected. Sharing is caring.
I envy you your faith. My partner died 7 months ago, it was sudden and my world has crashed. I was brought up a Catholic and attend church regularly, but I am so angry with God for taking him away. He had so much to live for, he was a good person, and the love of my life. He was only 66, we’d been together for 40 years. God didn’t just take his life, he’s taken mine as well. I’ve tried praying but I m just not getting any answers or feeling any comfort. Why take a good man when there are so many evil people in this world.
I think a lot of us ask the same question, why them. I’m afraid to say I’m jealous of other couples, even strangers when I see them out holding hands. I’m hoping it will pass and a faith that our loved ones are safe somewhere will return.
Very best wishes to you. For now, just keep going, day by day by day. Take care, Richard x