Anyone in need of a chat?x
Hi Pam,
I’ve been reading your posts and thought I’d say hello.
Sorry to hear about your mum, life is so cruel and very hard to make a new life without our loved ones.
I lost my husband suddenly nearly four months ago now , and my life feels pointless like so many of us on here. But this site is a life saver in a way, for all of us, as we all know how we are all feeling.
Keep strong
Steph x
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Hi Steph
Its lovely to hear from you. I agree about this site being a lifesaver. There are some lovely people like yourself on it who take the time to say hello. At a time like this thats all thats needed for a bit of comfort. Let me know how youre doing. Hugs pamx
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Hi Pam,
Thanks for your message back.
Struggling a bit today, some days are ok and some are hell. It’s such a horrible feeling isn’t it ,it just floods you and you can’t do anything about it .
How are you today?
Hugs back.
Steph x
Hello Pam and Steph,
I don’t want to muscle-in on your conversation, but I had to smile when I read the comments you and others have made about this place being something of a lifeline. The reason(s) we’re all here - all sorts of emotions and questions about ourselves, decedents, the past and future - are often such a source of pain and anguish, so it is wonderfully heart-warming to see your support for each other and feel the support of everyone here.
It’s easier said than done, but I do wish you both, and all here, a good weekend. This community, you, really do provide a sense of being when too often we’re suffocated by grief and confusion.
Hugs at you 
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Hi Sven,
Thank you for your lovely message. It is lovely how we can all support each other on here and reach out to people who are having a bad day.
This site is definitely a lifeline, as everyone understands and we’re all in the same boat.
People on the outside who haven’t experienced devastating grief can never understand how we truly feel.
Weekends are the hardest, wishing you a good weekend if you can.
Steph x
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Thanks Steph,
I have a packed weekend - lots of jobs that have been put-off - but I’ll call in here a few times. “See” you soon …
Sven x
Talk soon
Steph x
Hi Sven,
Did you manage to get your jobs done?
Been a nice sunny day today, so been catching up in the garden, also takes my mind off slightly .
Steph x
Hey Steph!
I did, most of them … Thanks
Just moving into evening routine; cook, eat, chill. A bit of TV … Silly American real-life crime stuff. Brain numbing stuff, perfect for me. How are you?
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That’s good, I’m ok , not a bad day today.
I’m watching tv just coronation street , that’s brain numbing stuff aswell.
Hope you are well,
Good to chat x
He he … Yes, it’s good. Gotta finish cooking and clear up. Had a new cooker delivered today. But the muck behind the old one - about 20 years worth ! Took a lot of elbow grease and Vanish Oxy (not just good for clothes). I find it pretty therapeutic, cleaning. Trying to type on a new phone, too, right now. Hopelessly clumsy! Will check in again soon on the main PC. I ought to introduce myself more fully to everyone here 
, so cheerio for now. Don’t be a stranger - I’m always around if you or anyone needs to offload. Take care X
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I know what you mean it’s unbelievable how much the dirt builds up behind things.
Thanks Sven
Talk soon x
Hi Steph
Just catching up with how you are. I seem to be the only owl! Had a difficult few days with physical pangs in my stomach as i have now. Has the corona virus affected where you live. I think schools are going to closed after easter hols for a prolonged period. Its difficult to get too worked up about it when youre grieving though i suppose thats a bit selfish for me to say. Take care Steph and sending hugsx
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Hi Pam,
I’m fine, not too bad the last couple of days, this morning that horrible painful heavy heart feeling has hit again. I was also awake from about three o clock this morning, I hate laying there in the middle of the night, horrible thoughts going through my mind .
Yes I think the schools will close, I wonder if there will be a lockdown, things are starting to change here, like we have to talk to dr over the phone, and the supermarkets are hell, it is a bit nerve racking.
Hope you ok where you are. Hope you feeling a bit better with your stomach.
Sending hugs back x
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Hi Pam,
I’m awake, been awake worrying about the few weeks ahead.
How are you? X
Hi Steph
As usual at worst in mornings. We had a routine going for such a long time. I have to venture out today for essentials. How are you today? Are you managing to fill in rhe lockdown days? Sending love x
Hi Pam,
Did you manage to get a bit of shopping?
People are going crazy with all the bare shelves in the supermarket.
It’s hard not seeing anyone, and it makes you feel more sad and brings your feelings back to the surface. Hope this doesn’t last long.
How are you coping with it all ? X
Hi Sven,
How are you coping with the lockdown?
It is strange here, but people don’t seem to get it, still people out and about x
Hi Steph
I’m sorry I’ve been a bit tardy in replying. I’m doing quite well, thanks! My circumstances are just a little different than many here; I’ve not lost a partner and both my parents are still alive. They’re in their eighties and we celebrated their 60th anniversary the other day. I’m not sure how much of it Mum took in having had a series of strokes over the last ten years. She also has pretty severe dementia and it seems Dad is going downhill fast. I’ve been the sole principal care and power of attorney for most things for about ten years - my older brother died just before my sixteenth birthday. It’s good to have this time with them on the one hand, but on the other? I have to realise that I’m watching them die in front of my eyes.
So I came here [Sue Ryder], almost to pre-grieve. I wonder what pain and desolation it will bring when they do die, and what sense I’ll make of it. Probably very little. There are days when I would give anything to turn their life-clocks back some years so we’d have a bit more time. When I look at them now … it’s like these two elderly people I look after can’t be my Mum and Dad, can they? They are so frail, vulnerable, fragile; so changed from the active, strong and healthy parents I was used to. And I will have to say goodbye sometime. I dread it in so many ways, but it’s natural, and so will the grief be when it comes.
Phew! I just had an attack of verbal diarrhoea! To answer your question about lock-down [at last, she says ;)] … coping pretty well. Mum and Dad have effectively been housebound for some years now, anyway. They don’t understand some of the consequences of the virus: supermarket shelves empty, no delivery slots for a week or more … How have you been the last few days? I think we are of the same mind about people who still want to and do go out without needing to. It’s so selfish of them - they might not care about developing COVID-19, but I do!
Stay safe Steph, Hugs at you X