Anyone else dreading the Spring

Hi, Were as when my wife was alive we both loved this time of the year, with going for a walk along the canal seeing all the buds coming on the shrubs and trees, etc etc, along with the birds singing,but she loved the daffodils most of all growing wild on the grass verges its just over 2 months she she passed away suddenly so this is just of another "first " that I am experiencing, I didn’t think this sort of thing would effect me but if I go out in the car I have had to change my route as there is a grass verge just round the corner from our house that’s full of Daffodils and I find myself getting upset if I drive past thinking about my wife admiring these, a simple thing but its these sort of things which seem to add to the pain of coping losing her .Take Care everyone x

7 Likes

I woke up this morning and it’s such a beautiful day and I realised it’s the second Spring that Ian won’t see (he died 15/2/21)
I don’t know how I’ve got here, but I have.
13 months on and I’ll cut the lawns while thinking of him. Bring in some beautiful daffodils while thinking of him, then go for a walk while thinking of him.
Thankfully now I can sometimes think of him and smile remembering something he would have said or done.
We’ll miss them for ever
Take care
Janey x

6 Likes

Hi Mickere, it’s amazing what triggers the grief, it usually is the little things that hurt the most, possibly because you are prepared for certain things to hurt, I remember driving away from home to go and visit my daughter, and being in floods of tears because there was nobody at home saying drive carefully, let me know when you arrive etc, it hit me so hard it has got easier over the years, it becomes the new norm, sending hugs Jude x

2 Likes

My hubby would buy me daffodils for my birthday and then every week until the season finished. I was walking in the park yesterday and there was one lonely daffodil. I cried all over it. X

4 Likes

I can imagine how sad that must have been, seeing the daffodil. But it’s as if you were meant to see it, like it was waiting for you, in a good way.

2 Likes

Hello

Sorry for your loss.

I agree totally. Lost my Husband several years ago and a parent 3 months ago. All I can say is eventually the thoughts aren’t as overwhelming. But at the moment I’m finding it very painful as it’s the first spring without Mum. To be honest I have woken up on grey, rainy days and felt more at ease, I wouldnt want anyone to be getting in that state though.

Kind thoughts to you

5 Likes

Hi Mick
Please don’t give up your lovely walks with their memories. My husband and I were keen walkers and before he died he asked me to take him with me when I walked. It was so hard at first but when I started to notice the new growth and the lovely bird songs I knew that I was slowly coming back. It was a therapy that helped me enormously. Accept the tears at first and you will heal eventually.
Good luck

3 Likes

Hello

Spring is when everything starts to come alive
Apart for our loved ones that have gone
It lets us know another year without them
Another year that we have survived without them
And that’s what we have done
Survived
I use to get jealous of seeing people out walking together I would just break down
That was us. Not now
Over time it has been 4 years now that I loss my husband
I can enjoy the daffodils popping up in my garden it jogs my memories of the bunches he would bring me home after work
Some days it makes me cry
Others it makes me smile
The hard thing is when the sun is out and the birds sing the flowers are catching the sun rays it’s hard not to be at peace with the world and happy to be alive even if it’s only for a few minutes
Take care all

5 Likes

Through the winter I thought things will be better in the spring/summer when I can get out more. Now it’s here it’s so hard hearing people planning their trips away and the realisation that the sun is shining the season has changed but nothing has changed here still on my own feeling sad xx

3 Likes

Barbara

Your not alone we are here to listen
You are right though my friends at work are talking about holidays
They are so excited So I am excited for them
Then I come home to a empty house no David

Life is hard but like I said in my previous post if the sun is out birds singing that gives me a wee bit of comfort
Take care Barbara
Xx

3 Likes

My wife deteriorated over 8yrs and had ms as well as AIH. We knew what the outcome would be…

I am disabled and I intend to make planters to attract Bees n butterflies in her “plot” which can be seen from our lounge. That’s my tribute to her and earlier I received hand made ring, with some of her ashes in resin… always with me…

Everyone should do n behave the way they feel to survive.

2 Likes

Hi Mickere. I lost my dear wife Hilda on the 19th Dec 2021, she wasn’t just my wife but best friend. It is hard but your wife would want you to continue your life and be strong. Instead of taking different routes to avoid things that remind you of her, do the route, do them in memory of her, talk to her when you drive past the wild daffs. These are memories that you both built together, try and embrace them. I have found that doing this has made me stronger. In fact I go out of my way to embrace all the things we used to do together and do them on my own. Please don’t be afraid to do it this way.
I have made a bucket list of all the things and places we wanted to do and pledged to myself that I will do them in her honour, yes it is going to be very very hard, but you need to try and made plans, have something to look forward to doing.
I do alot of talking around the house on my own to Hilda, if I do something dumb, I would say such things like: You used to say don’t do it that way or this way. Stop laughing etc. Again it’s all about embracing your wife and dare I say not shutting her out by using avoidance technics.
Stay safe and embrace life. Phil

7 Likes

Absolutely!

Yes I feel exactly the same as you, I’m dreading the passing months in many ways as there are so many reminders of my partner who passed away nearly 4 months ago. Spring doesn’t hold the delight that it used to do, I keep thinking this time last year he was here and I felt so different then and was able to enjoy things, now everything I do seems to take so much effort and I feel so drained . You are not alone in your feelings , I feel very much the same way you do. Take care

1 Like

Hello Silverrider
What wonderful sentiments. It took time but I believe I have done the things you advise. Now after three years I have continued to do the things that we both enjoyed together and he is with me every step of the way, It now brings me comfort.
Such wise words and thankyou.

3 Likes

Hi All. I put a post on earlier where I said about all the plans Hilda and I had made to go to places near and far, that I will take her strength and go to those places. So I have made a bucket list of those places and will be hoping to make a start later this year. I have never been on a holiday on my own I my life, so I am not fooling myself that this is going to be both hard and difficult. To start with it will just be a weekend away, not too far so that if it gets to difficult, then I can go home. If all goes well then increase the distance and length of time away. I should say at this point that I do have a 12 year old dog who also gives me strength and importantly companionship.
We were keen campers and had already decided that we would sell the caravan because of Hilda’s health, mine isn’t that good either with a disc prolapse in the sacrum.
To mark 5 year milestones in our marriage we would fly somewhere special to celebrate, that made it more of a celebration as we don’t fly every year. We have been to such places as Maldives, Seychelles, Mauritius etc so some very special memories indeed.
In 2024 it would have been our 45th Wedding Anniversary and hoping to get to Costa Rica, subject to any travel restrictions and how well my mini trips go. I will know if I manage to get on a river cruise on the River Danube in 2023.
All these things are about creating more memories and having things to look forward to. Everything I do is done taking Hilda with me in my heart, sole and memory.
Yes it is very sad and I do have those low moments, then I think back to Hilda and start to recall something positive, she is my strength.
Take care guys and I hope you are able to take something from this post. My heart does go out to all those who have lost someone very dear to them, but at the same time I don’t think they would be happy if they knew we were putting our lives on hold and being very unhappy. Try and do something positive, say something positive instead of always focusing on the negatives, there are alot of positives out there and you have to, no must grasp them and make thos memories xx

7 Likes

Hi Mickere…I too feel your pain having lost my dear wife just 4 months ago. It’s a strange emotion to deal with isn’t it…Spring is all about new growth and new life. The older I’ve got the more and more I truly appreciate Spring…we both did :pleading_face:.

After the dark days of winter, made to feel even darker because of our loss, the days are replaced with bright and warm sunshine…and Daffodils. My wife loved Daffodils…we both used to laugh when we saw huge areas of Daffodil flowers bobbing about randomly in the breeze…as if they were chatting and laughing right back at us. Yes, it is heartbreaking but it can also lift our emotions by reliving the laughter…in the moment, so to speak.

I say thank you to her nearly every hour of the day… especially when a happy time springs to mind.

She said to me last year, the night an ultrasound had revealed “shadows”…

“Mark we need to make new Memories now…for You!” I nearly dropped to the floor in fear in that moment…but we did, as best we could until she passed just 7 months later.

My wife quoted a poem by William Wordsworth about the Daffodil…search online for it. Her Mum used to read it to her when she was a little girl…she lost her Mum to cancer when she was 11. I hope a reading of it helps you a little bit…or a lot?

We talked about Spring often and smiled, even though we both knew she wouldn’t be here for this glorious Spring…it’s a time to enjoy the beauty of it, a time to let it fuel the fondest memories we had together and a time to be truly thankful for the precious precious times we enjoyed together…cherishing them and holding them tight to my heart…very tight :heavy_heart_exclamation:

This is my first post on Sue Ryder…I hope my words help in a small way …take care everyone

4 Likes

Heartwarming post indeed. Although it’s only been 4 months since I lost my dear Loraine, like you I have faced the “Firsts” head on…sometimes the tears of grief flow (which is a healthy way of letting the grief OUT) but other times I smile, not just with my face, but my heart too :heart:. I hope this can continue in the same way…it does seem to help and stops barriers and road blocks being set up in my mind and heart.

I’ve read your other post ref holidays alone…that will be a huge first especially a Greek island holiday or anywhere on a plane without her (if possible)…we always smiled at each other and held hands as we took off and landed. She slept most of the time in between :joy:, which was fine as I liked to gawp out of the window a lot :roll_eyes:.

Some days I find just sitting is helpful…remembering hopefully with more smiles than tears of course

2 Likes

Hi Mark2605,

Welcome to the Post. It isn’t easy putting how us men feel about the loss, we are not known for expressing this kind of stuff, but it does help with the healing process.

It is nice to know that there are other likeminded people out there, as all to often there are alot of posts from people that are really in a bad place. They need to read that there is a way forward for them and it is important that they start thinking of the positives on their lives which are all the good, happy and funny memories. They must did very deep and try to lift themselves in to a more positive place, it will not do them any good writing the way they are on this site about all the negatives, this will drag them in to an awful place and that is not what their loved one would want xx

4 Likes

I lost my wife just before Christmas, the grief hit hard, the tears flowing. Not sleeping for 2 days at a time.

But I am doing things we couldn’t do together and doing a plot just outside our patio doors as we looked all the time playing cards.

I want to live the way she wanted me too, grief is there but better.

Keep on trucking people

Steve

3 Likes