I lost my best pal, sidekick and all round best person, my mum 3 weeks ago. She was ill and we knew she was never going to get better but she passed away quicker than we thought, but… As I know how ill she was, how much pain she was in and all that… I know it’s for the best for her. Now this is where my feelings confuse me… I’m obviously sad she’s gone, but because I know it was for the best for HER I feel I’m not having the huge emotional breakdowns I thought I would, is this because it’s all still new, am I in shock still, on auto pilot or have I processed that it’s not about me but for the best for her… I’m not sure how I feel. People ask how I am and I obviously reply “I’m OK” but I don’t actually know how I feel. Does any of this make sense??
Sorry to hear about your mum @4oddsocks. It makes total sense how you are feeling. I find it very hard to put into words how I am feeling when people ask me.
I lost my Mum in May and she was my best friend, we spent weekends together doing things we enjoyed. A friend asked me not long after Mum passed how I was feeling? All I could say to her was I don’t know, but what I can tell you is this is a different grief when I lost my Dad and I don’t have the words to describe it.
Grief catches you out at the strangest of times, take each day as it comes and go with it.
Thanks for the reply… Don’t get me wrong I have sobbed like I’ve never sobbed before over mum, but it’s almost like… I’m OK ( today) because I knew its the best for her, so I’m relived for her to be at peace, which means I am too. It’s so hard to describe but today uve questioned why I feel this way and is it “normal”… Whatever that is?! My condolences go out to you for your loss too.
Sorry to hear about your mum. This is so normal when you knew someone was going to die. I found out a year ago that my husband has terminal cancer and that was when I grieved the most. I cried to everyone I saw ALOT. As times gone on, I cry less and, although he’s still here, I have no doubt there will be a sense of relief more for him than for me.
There are no rules around grief; accept the good days, accept the bad days and ride the emotional rollercoaster, xx
Yes!!! It’s almost like I grieved before her actually passing, is that even possible???
Absolutely, there’s a section on this forum about it. X
Oh really… Ill have a look. Xxx
I am sorry you are going through this. What you are feeling is completely natural and normal. When I lost my mother to cancer, my mind was on complete autopilot as I had a lot of things to sort out and the emotional grief arrived a little afterwards because the shock of her not being around anymore was still something i was trying to process and come to terms with. Knowing she won’t be in my future anymore or see my milestones and achievements.
Yes, we know and you know that she’s in a better place now and that she is completely in no pain at at peace, but it still doesn’t mean we don’t feel that our parents are ever going to leave us. We think that they’re our heroes and that they’ll always be there as long as possible… just take one day at a time. That’s the only thing you can do. Like anything we go through is just a process and takes time. There’s no time limit
I hope this helps
You may find your grief changes from day to day, week to week. It’s strange how the mind copes with these things. My mum passed in May and that first week (dealing with everything, getting the funeral arrangements sorted, etc.) it is just like you are on autopilot. It’s usually once the funeral is over, the reality kicks in. Your grief changes (possibly) and then you realize she is totally gone. It hits you back and forth, and there is no easy way through. Everyone deals with it in their own way, and there is no right or wrong way in grief. Just take your time, day to day, week to week and ‘be kind to yourself’. I found the weeks after the funeral were so hard, but I am over 4 months in now (I can’t believe where that time has gone!) and I am coping a little better, albeit very sad times hit me completely out of the blue. xx
I feel the same as you. Totally out of the blue I burst into tears over something that triggers me. I am 8 months on and although the crying has eased slightly I still feel so sad inside and it’s constant.I am only now starting to be kind to myself as you say.Its hard because I just want to do nothing somedays. It’s learning to start living in a different way which is so hard.
Thank you for writing exactly how I feel
Thanks Deborah. xx
4oddsocks , hi and im so sorry for your loss, its absolutely devastating, my mum has had the news we didn’t want, its spread and nothing they can do , i absolutely get when you said you are grieving before , this is me at the moment. Its so weird to hear someone say this when i feel exactly the same xx
Hi, i can actually feel the heavyness in my chest for you being told that news, being told of words like Palliative care, and other things actually made me feel like I had a weight on my chest so I totally know how you feel. If you want to chat, I’m only a message away.
Its so very sad and closely rely heavily on family and friends, i sometimes dont want to get out of bed and just sleep.Thank you for the support, i really appreciate it xx
Sleep/bed was my go too… If we’d had bad news… I just wanted my bed, sleep my way thru it… Then I didn’t have to think about any of it…seems a common reaction. Xx