Hello I lost my husband coming up 5 months ago. I’ve coped pretty well but miss him all the time. I am so blessed with friends and family support but I want to ask if others have experienced this: why do people not think to ask you on weekends and bank holidays if you need company? I feel so alone at these times when all around you is quieter. Even my step daughter who keeps in touch daily, never thinks of this. I’ve dropped hints about ‘lonely Sundays’ but to no avail! Anyone else feeling the same and how do you cope please?
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Hi Lucy, my wife died on Christmas day so almost five months for me too. I also find weekends difficult, I don’t expect to have visits or to be invited to anything because my closest family live in England and I’m in Spain. Although I have often hinted that I find weekends the worst nobody phones either which would be nice but I suppose their own family life is busier at weekends. It crossed my mind the other day that the summer will feel like a very long weekend and it is worrying. I am going to have to try and be more sociable but up to now I had everything I needed at home.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi, it’s eight months now since I lost my partner suddenly. On the surface I look as if I’m coping but I’m still a crumbling mess inside. I found in general friends and some family don’t text or phone as much as in the first few months. I’m retired so weekends don’t mean much to me anyway. My partner and I didn’t have a big social life as we preferred each others company. Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives. My partner and I always loved the summer. He was always working in the garden. I’m dreading the summer now as sitting the garden all alone really upsets me and I can see no point in it. I’ve had to get a gardener but he’ not very reliable and the garden’s not looking as nice as my partner kept it. I don’t look to the future, it’s still one day at a time for me. Take care, it’s good you have a more positive outlook.
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I honestly get this, it’s why I’m here. I lost my partner in February, so suddenly and unexpectedly. My children loved their stepfather and he was very active in their lives, as my husband had passed when they were young.
both children are out today, living their lives and I’m sat here realising I don’t know how to be on my own. I look at his chair waiting for a ‘shall we pop down the road, go to the beach’ and know I’m responsible for my own activities?? Today I’m struggling more than ever because what do you do? How soon should that ‘new normal’ set in? I know I’m probably rushing myself to understand what a new normal will be but it’s so hard when everyone else carries on around you and suddenly realise, it’s only at these times that it’s changed for you, and only you.
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Hi Poppyjoy, I am very sorry about your partner and your former husband. It’s very difficult to know what the future will be when you have spent so long planning that future with your loved one. I for one have no idea what to do. We closed our business when my wife was given five months to live. So now I have no job, no incentive to start another business and I’m not sure where I want to live. It’s all up in the air and I am quite lost for the moment.
I hope you find some solace here where everyone understands how you feel and what you are going through.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi Lucyjack, I can relate to this so much. I lost my husband to bowel cancer which spread to the stomach 14 months ago. I struggle most days without my husband, best friend and soul mate but weekends and bank holidays are so much harder. I think it’s because we both worked so hard during the week so never wanted to waste anytime at w/ends or holidays. But now I find that I have a lot of time on my hands which is extremely difficult as we were both so active. We loved hiking, coastal walking we didn’t seem to waste a minute.
My husband was 58 when diagnosed and 62 when he died. He was so fit and strong I could not ever think he wasn’t going to make it. I always had hope. But in June 2024 we knew that nothing more could be done. With the help from the pallative care team I managed to care for him at home for the last 9 months of his life and for that I will always be truly grateful. But sorry going back to your point about family and friends not realising we are so lonely especially at weekends and BH’s well sometimes I think it is us putting on a mask making people think we are coping better than we really are. I certainly do.
So sorry for your loss xx
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Hello Tom, I get that about summer being one long weekend….its a tough one and I feel for you, being so far from family. My family live far away too. Except for my step daughter who is two hours away and says I can stay there whenever I want to. Maybe I should start inviting myself!
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My husband loved to sit in the garden all summer, and the good weather sometimes makes me sad as I remember the good times with him there.
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Totally understand what you are saying. Its like you are so alone. You poor thing to have been through this twice! And a sudden death must be a terrible shock to overcome.
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Im so sorry for you Tom. We can only hope with time, it feels less painful.
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Yes I think its a combination of things that make people forget you!
I looked after my husband for three years. Its a huge adjustment to live your life alone. I keep telling myself that others manage it and so can I…how, I dont know!
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It’s good that you have a family, it’s the best thing you can have now. I don’t have anybody here. I live in a foreign country all alone taking care of everything just by myself, sometimes a few friends meet me and help and I work hard to pay my bills and save my home. The two best friends of mine live 10 000 km from here and even despite a distance they are the biggest help. I’ve got 120 minutes from Verizon to keep in touch with them, so I talk to them at least once a week. I’ve spent all morning crying today… You’re right! We are the ones who do the first step, if we need a company. If we’d be waiting all weekend for somebody to ask how we are doing, we’d probably be alone. However I already stopped begging for their time, I just ask and if they have time for me, I thank them. Nobody will ever treat me the way I don’t deserve. I had the best in my life when I had my most beloved husband, but now I just survive…
Janka
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Hi janka, why don’t you use WhatsApp as It is unlimited and free.
All the best
Tom
Hello Tom!
I have the FaceTime that I was using with my dearest husband every day. Even though he was at work, we were still looking at each other and talking each day. I have unlimited internet in my phone, so it’s for free, you’re right, but my friends they don’t use it, they even never tried. I had not either before I met my husband, so I do understand them. They also charge their credit when they need, so no monthly bills. It’s very common in Europe, I was doing it as well. You just use what you need. Now I pay almost 100 $ bill to have unlimited calls, internet and minutes to my country. I’ve been thinking about setting up auto pay, my husband did it, so he had no stress with paying bills, but with my income I have to plan when and what I’ll pay, so this probably wouldn’t work for me. I appreciate your help though!
Janka
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Hello Poppyjoy, so sorry for the loss of your husband 
i lost my husband in March. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, because im now alone, most people I know still have their spouse, but I rather be home anyway, nothing interests me really, my husband and I would go every where together hes was the only one I needed, . I have 2 grown children and 2 grandchildren who mean everything to me, but no one can replace what you had with your life partner. God bless
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I’m sorry for your loss xx
for me it’s really the not knowing how to be on my own. I’m trying to push myself too hard to find a normal that doesn’t exist yet, but I’m grateful I’m aware of that.
I hope you find some peace and joy in the life ahead of you xx
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It’s very hard when you’ve had your special someone for most of your life and are content just being together and then they are gone and you are a kind of limbo in so many ways. Having someone to do nothing with is more precious than we realise until it’s gone.
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I understand that feeling Poppyjay as I feel exactly the same way. We have to be patient and let time heal but it’s hard. So hard.
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Weekends are the worst!
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Oh, how odd. Sundays are awful for me, too. I think it’s because people are busy at weekends with family, football, clubs, running kids around, so I determined to get out myself! Here’s what I do…
Sometimes, I just have a cosy day in with a box of chocolates and a film, sometimes I go out to lunch on my own (with my Kindle!) and sometimes I gatecrash my children whatever they’re doing!
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