apologies to all

im a very simple man,who coped okayish losing his sister at 9 ,it did affect my attitude towards death and gave me lack of empathy or sympathy towards others losing relatives etc,when losing my dad I felt worse but had my soulmate Jayne to help me and give me the love support and comfort I very much needed.but having Jayne was everything I needed and more,so although I still miss my dad it was very much easier having Jayne with me.but losing Jayne last feb devastated me beyond belief.my world crumbled around me and im still at the bottom of a chasm looking up.and any type of happiness is way beyond my reach.
so my life experiences of losing my sister Samantha my dad and my soulmate Jayne have lead me to give my at times biased view of losing a loved one,so to anyone ive annoyed or given not so nice advice ,or anyone ive offended in any way shape or form I apologise unreservedly.
regards to one and all ian

Hi Ian,
I have never noticed that you have given a biased view, as far as I am concerned it is very touching that you are grieving so much for your Jayne.
My very best wishes and best regards,


My dear Ian. It is obvious that your great love for Jayne and then to lose her is the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to you and although you loved your Dad and sister and felt devastated by their loss. Losing Jayne, your soulmate and very best friend was a whole different ball game and destroyed your world as I am sure it has for many of us.
You have reached out to many people in grief on this forum and I don’t think anyone could claim that you have not done your best to help them even though your loss of Jayne has proved to be a terrible experience for you.
I also found that losing my parents and even my grandparents was very hard but when Brian died I realised just how different this loss was.
I am sure we all understand how you feel. As we say so often. To lose a loved one is a different experience for all of us and we all have to cope in the best way possible for us.
You take care of yourself.
Pat xxx


hi Pat
thank you for your very kind and very understanding words.
they are very much appreciated.seems like only those who truly found then very sadly lost their soulmates really know how it feels and what others in the same situation are actually going through.im one of the many who in essence are just existing and living with their soulmate in their heart mind and soul.its the only way I can at least get through these
days without the physical presence of my baby Jayne.my love for Jayne will go on till the end of time.
ian xx

Not at all Ian. I’ve exchanged several posts with you, and we share the untimely loss of a sibling, along with losing our parents. I relate to being better able to weather any life crisis, when we have that special someone by our side. When we lost our Mother to lung cancer, my beloved sister & I held each other up. We said we could not have gotten through it without each other. Then 6 years later cancer took my sweet little sister too, and like you, my best friend and strongest support was gone. Jianye was your rock, your go-to in good times & bad. How lost we feel without them. Our entire concept of the world around us has changed,
You are entitled to the myriad of feelings and emotions that define grief. My sister, your Jianye, have left us with a gaping hole in our lives, that nothing or no one can fill. I relate to your pain and will be here to listen any time you need to vent. Our losses are different, but at the same time very much alike. We both lost that “constant” the one we could turn to and share our deepest thoughts & feelings. Keep posting, you never know who your words may touch.
Xxx Sister2

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Hi Ian
I have just noticed your post… agree with our friends who have already responded, you haven’t done anything to cause offence. Your experience has made you sensitive to those facing the same challenges. It’s been really nice to see the progress you have made and the time you spend selecting lovely songs for the Music thread.
There may be a few of us less active now, I know I am, but what I have found is you never really leave the site totally.
So, take care, it’s challenging for everyone at the moment and we can all appreciate that x

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hi San and sister2
thank you kindly for your responses.

Ian, you write so beautifully. You must stop doubting yourself and stop apologising. You have nothing to feel guilty for, nothing that requires any apologies.

You lost your whole world. Your soulmate. Your partner. Your best friend. Your confidant. And although I’ve yet to feel the pain of a partner, I know the pain of losing the thing that meant the most to you. The sheer sorrow, grief, uncertainty, feeling lost, feeling depressed, feeling like half of you is missing, feeling like you can’t shut your mind off for two minutes to get any sleep. If people just can’t understand that, then sod them. Keep speaking from your heart, honouring you’re beautiful Jayne with tattoos and living your life.

Now blast that music and sing to Jayne.
Best wishes to you.
Steph :slight_smile:


thank you Steph
much appreciated.going get another tattoo after this lockdown is over if im still here.its a nasty bug so not taking anything forgranted.hhave you decided get another tattoo.oh meant ask was the other one you had painful .
regards ian

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There is something horribly beautiful about the way the grieving come together. Despite all the pain in our hearts, we pull it together to be there for another. Humans can be alright sometimes.
What are you planning on getting??
My first one was extremely sore I can’t lie about it!! I’m such a wimp, and needles for me are a huge fear. I didn’t watch it being done for fear of fainting.
I think I’ve planned my next one too though… so the pain can’t have been that bad, haha!
Best wishes.

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hate this having chats on other peoples threads,but my first didn’t even notice it being done until last 10 minutes going over the same place was on my torso.but 2nd one ,damn if it wasn’t the fact I was having it done for my baby Jaynes memory id of tapped out after an hour,took over 9 hours in all and was bloody painful,you are no wimp for sure.and very nice words from you yet again.
regards ian
ps its my topic lol shows you what lack of sleep does to you.

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Hahaha you made me LOL! I would never spark a conversation on someone else’s thread.
Anyone who can sit and get needles stabbed in them is pretty tough I suppose. My Dad used to call me his tough cookie, think that’ll be my next one. Just going to stick to small ones - quicker finishes. You’re a champ for sitting for 9 hours wow!! Can we see them?

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I have said before, no one on here ever needs to apologise unless it’s something really bad, and that I have not yet come across. We all do this grief thing in our own way and that way is unique to us. I have never found anything you have said Ian that in any way needs an apology. Your pain is great. You, like so many of us are finding it hard going. But that reflects the deep love you had for Jianye. All our emotions are about that.
Keep posting and keep trying. It’s all we can do. Best wishes. John.

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hi Jonathan
thank you.much appreciated

Hi,I don’t think any of us get it right !!when we have lost our loved ones.Theres no text book that says this is how you should feel .I can remember a very special nurse saying to me you are now in a very inclusive members club that no one wants to be a member of.Dont be hard on yourself you don’t have to be at all.sally.x

hi Sally
thank you for your response,very much appreciated.

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