Ian passed away suddenly and unexpectedly over 16 months ago now? To me, it seems like yesterday and I still miss him so much. I miss the life we had together, our plans, our laughter and his future that was so cruelly taken away. I just can’t picture a meaningful future without him.
Yet, when I try and explain this to friends and family I’m told I need antidepressants. Why? I’m grieving for the person that I spent the last forty years with…….
It’s 17 months for me. It was the first anniversary I started to really struggle with sleep and not being able to stop crying at the littlest thing.
I needed to get myself back in control, so I did see my GP. She referred me for counseling and put me on a mild antidepressant to help with sleep and emotions.
They helped, but I know they are not for everyone.
I miss Doug so much, I don’t think I will ever stop crying for him and the life we had together, but I do have control back over my life and think of him alot more with a smile .
@Trixie1 - I also keep being told I need counselling or medication - do I? I’m not sure.
I am coping, although very unhappy.
I sleep, although never all through the night.
I work, but struggle to engage and concentrate.
Do I need medication?
Do I need counselling?
My life is shit as my husband has died at 55 years old. Can anything help? I don’t believe so.
@Crazy_Kate. You’re right they do get confused. People were concerned if I was suicidal in the early days but once most realised I wasn’t I think they assumed I was ok and they didn’t need to worry too much.
I aren’t depressed - I’m sad, lonely, unhappy but people don’t know how to help with that.
Hi Debbie…never ever think that asking for help is a sign of failure. There are so many ways we can try to get ourselves back in control…sometimes it’s simply trial & error and don’t forget, we are all different.
You are so loved and everybody wants the best for you, keep on going, best wishes xxx
@Debbie57, I ditto what the lovely Rainbow has said. Asking for help is actually a sign of strength. We are indeed all different. Me? I just have a problem with medication. I do however, take natural remedies. Much love to you. x
Of course you are NOT a failure, you have to do what is right for you. I only started this post because I was fed up with people telling me what to do and how to grieve. I just can’t understand that others just can’t accept how I feel as in a way that belittles my feelings. You must always act in a way that feels right at the time.
@Debbie57 - I feel bad if my post has made you feel this way. Please don’t think you’re a failure for asking for help. It’s a big step to admit you need help and it takes strength and bravery. I feel everyone’s grief is different and whatever helps we must try it. We must keep trying and moving forward and I really hope you are feeling better.
Big hugs and as everyone else has said you are In no way a failure everyone is different. You do whatever gets you through.
My husband passed 7 weeks ago suddenly age 53, I am not coping at all and have to go docs on Monday…he’s already mentioned medication and I don’t want to go down that route. I feel like it would just numb me. Does anyone have any advice when dealing with the doctor as I feel he’s gonna push me this way. I don’t feel in control at the minute and cannot function, I cry all the time. X
As far as I’m concerned medication is NOT the way to go. No pill is going to help us to forget the pain we are in or the things we are missing and there is no quick fix. We all suffer the same but it is how we manage it that is important. Grief and depression are different although it may seem the same. We have to learn to manage our grief for us to have any chance of coming out the other end. I don’t want a potentially addictive drug to take over my life.
Like Kate I also have a problem with medication being prescribed for grief and I also take natural remedies, as well as exercise, walking and yoga. It’s not always easy but I would much rather this than a drug anyday.
@Brokenhearted2022 - don’t allow the GP to push you into accepting medication if it’s not what you want. That has never been my experience and my GP has always been lead by me. Giving me the option to accept medication in the future if I felt it necessary.
It’s been other people who seem to feel I should take medication not my GP. I hope your experience is the same.
I hope so too its just that he was pushing it on the phone without even seeing me and I had to practically ask for a face to face appointment as he was just going to do the phone consult…I hope I can do this without meds its so very hard x
It is so hard. I’m sat here crying in my car as I’ve tried for the last 16 months to lead a meaningful life with no success. Everything I do without Ian is just meaningless. I even tried going to his table tennis club this afternoon and came away in tears as that’s not who I am nor want to be.
The trouble is Ian and I were so close and just loved days out and travelling. We were happy in each other’s company and at nearly 70, I’m just so tired of trying to make a new life for myself.
I just don’t know where to go from here……
I feel the same as you. My wife was my life and I have no motivation to do anything, even the dog died.
Just going through the motions now in an empty shell of a house.
Carry on though, she said she would haunt me if I fell to pieces.