@Brokenhearted2022 - don’t beat yourself up about this. Maybe meds are the best thing for you? Go into the appointment with an open mind, explain your concerns and see what happens.
All the best with it. I agree it’s very hard to live this life 
I think there are illness and conditions that need medication to help . But I feel we need to ensure that the medication helps the illness and not mask it . How much are we better off dealing with im not sure .
@Trixie1 I have always followed your post as they are exactly how I feel. My journey with antidepressants is as follows my beloved passed away a year this Monday 17 October. At first I had a mental health team it got so bad they were going to admit me to hospital this I declined they gave me a series of pills some to help me sleep others for depression. I was assured that in a few months I would be better. As most of us know on this forum you cannot mask grief. I had suicidal thoughts which were quite prominent with no family support to say that is not the route to go. I still get these feelings every now and then as life without him has no purpose. Then after a couple of months my doctor put me on Mirtazapine 30mg I still was getting all these horrible thoughts but they made me sleep for nearly 6 hours at night so that was a help. I then decided on my own choice if I was still feeling this way on the tablets what was the point on taking them so asked if I could lower the dose which I have done to 15 mg. I just get a repeat prescription and the doctor has never reviewed it. I would like to stop them but am afraid I will not get any sleep which is the only time my brain switches off from this nightmare. My grief is still as intense and I have cried solidly for a year and I cannot see it getting any better.
Jessica
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I sympathise with you…I lost my mum in February…Myself and two sisters were with her…Then 2 weeks later my 16 year old dog died in out arms…my partner was not very sympathetic and I felt he was more interested in his own problems. We parted ways…I’m grieving for my mum, my dog and my ex partner…After 8 months I don’t know how to go on and am depressed as its all hitting me…
Hi Jessica
Thank you for replying and also for being so open and honest. I am resisting the pressure from friends and family to go on antidepressants as I know I’m grieving not depressed. I could be wrong I know, but Ian and I were together for over 40 years and the sense of loss, heartbreak and loneliness is always with me. How could it not be? We knew what the other was thinking and often finished each other ‘s sentences!
Luckily I have no problem sleeping but tend to wake up early these days. It’s strange but I’ve never once dreamt of Ian and yet during the day, he is never far from my thoughts. I find my bedroom a refuge and can’t wait to be there most nights. It’s as if ‘great’ I’ve got through another day and now I can just relax.
I too have followed your posts and if you ever feel like meeting, please private message me. I only live outside Tavistock so it wouldn’t be far for me to drive.
Look after yourself,
X Julie
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Hi @Trixie1your posts are exactly the same as mine I cannot wait to get to bed when I feel I can cope with life a bit more perhaps we may meet unfortunately I have been left with having to watch my bills until probate which could take another year.
Jessica
Hi Trixie, everyone is different.
My husband died suddenly 25 months ago. We had been married for 35 years, I was only 18 when I married him and had no idea how to live without him. As many of us feel who have lost our partners.
My own training in bereavement mentoring did little to help in the early days but it did offer me the opportunity to be mentored. I found it invaluable, as it focused on helping me manage and carry the excruciating pain of loss and grief. ( we all sadly know). I have never become depressed enough to feel tablets would work.
However, my daughter found them incredibly helpful. She also had grief counselling too.
If you have no experience of antidepressants, maybe starting with talking therapies, like counselling and see how they help. Take medication if you and your medical advisors believe it will be for the best.
It’s always best to ask for help and is 100% not the weaker route. I saw my Mum and brother suffer greatly with serious mental illness, only made better when they took help.
Lots of love to you all. 
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I’m sorry for your loss, but we are all in the same boat. I’ve had counselling and that was really good for me. I’m the same with the sleep cycle. I need medication for my ongoing health issues. Sometimes I have a problem concentration, and finally my life is shit just like yours and a lot of others. I would like to say that we have to work at the grieving process as there is no formula or guide book,it is down to the individual, a hopefully you will be able to get through this terrible experience.
Hi Lindsay
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply. I know I’m struggling to come to terms with losing Ian 16 months ago now but I just hate this life without him.
Ian was gone within seven short weeks after we’d been told a year. The images of him receiving his terminal diagnosis, the crying out he didn’t want to die and taking his final breath are all still so vivid.
We were together for 40 years and he was gone in such a short time. I just can’t see a meaningful future without Ian. I can distract myself but that’s all I’m doing and will be doing in the future.
Anti depressants can’t change what has happened or my lonely future without Ian.
Julie
lost my wife 14 weeks ago been to the gp he wanted to prescribe sleeping tablets and anti depressants I refused both I would rather suffer than become dependant on them my personal opinion,If you feel you need them then its your choice
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Well done bussteve. How can tablets that numb us or become addictive possibly help us to get through grief. I also would rather do it on my own rather than become addicted to tablets. GP’s have no idea what to do with grieving people so a few tablets seems their only option.
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I totally agree with you. Eddie
It may help to at least try counseling as I am now after my doctor gave me only a couple of weeks medication. The counsel is very tough as I have lost my brother my mum my sister all in short space of time. So I would say try some Meda short term and counseling. I feel ure pain it’s like no otherx
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Counselling is good for you and it may help you to greive.
My Ian passed just 2 months ago and I am struggling. I have no other family. I am so unhappy. I have no reason to live. Unless you are in this situation you do not understand. I cannot think that medication would help me. Chrisw
Hi Chris I am not in the same situation as you I do have family and 2 teenagers who I have to try for…but my husband died suddenly 8 weeks today he waS only 53 and I feel like am now existing…as I say I do have family but they dont understand…Do you have friends you can talk too? If not try and reach out support groups in your area…it must be very hard for you sending all my love and if you ever need to talk you can on here or even private message xxx
Hi, I have some nice neighbours but they mostly have busy lives. We didn’t know many people in the area as lived and worked overseas fir many years. I sm looking for face to face counselling. I have had a couple of private sessions but need it more often. Thanks x
If you need that you have to have the counselling facilities available on the nhs.i had counselling from a local source that was free and I absolutely took what was told to me as therapy and I feel that it worked. But there is guarantee that it has been done. But it is down to the individual as two cases are not alike.and fortunately there is no guide book or formula to grieve. It is up to the individual to get through this terrible experience. Regards Eddie.
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You don’t have to feel like that, there’s people out there who will help. Firstly find bereavement counselling service either nhs or charity run service. And focus on the good things that you and your loss used to do you are grieving over a situation that unfortunately it is only down to you as there is no formula or guide book to get through this terrible experience .keep faith and talk to neighbours, family and friends and even strangers.to help you through this episode. Many regards Eddie
I hope you find what you need, it’s a lonely road even when you have people around you. I haven’t had any counselling as don’t feel I am ready. I feel like my life is over as can see no way forward with out him I just gotta keep putting one step in front of the other for my kids but it very hard x
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