Good morning all.
It’s 23 weeks today since my soulmate died very suddenly and I am really struggling.
In the past few weeks I’ve had a lot of visitors and been very busy, I thought I was starting to come to terms with losing my world.
But since yesterday I haven’t been able to stop crying, I’ve had our house painted on the outside which is something Pete was so looking forward to, he had even picked the colours. It looks lovely but everytime I look at it I get upset because Petes not here to see it.
I have also packed up a lot of his things that he has left to his grown up children, they will soon be coming to go through it.
I feel like I am removing so much of him from our home and it really hurts.
I know he would be proud to see me carry out the plans we had for our home and to be strong but I feel really tired and weak, trying to put on a brave face for everyone around me.
The truth is I am falling apart and feel like I’m back af rhe beginning.
I am eating really badly and can’t sleep, last night when I got into bed, I had the same gut wretching feeling, i had when I was told he was dead.
My heart feels like its been ripped out of my chest and as I was jying here in floods of tears my heartbeat was pounding really loudly in my head, I just wanted it to stop, like Petes did so I could be with him.
I never knew a broken heart could hurt so much both psychically and mentally.
Are these feelings normal? I hate this life without my soulmate and know I will never be happy again.
Why does life have to be so cruel.?
Muldool
Oh Muldool,
I’m so sorry for how you’re feeling, but, yes, it is perfectly normal to have times when you feel the same as you did when you suffered the loss of Pete 23 weeks ago.
Believe me, doing the things you have done lately, like getting the house painted etc, you are coming to terms with what happened.
But coming to terms with your great loss doesn’t mean you’ll “remove him from our home” as you say.
He’ll always be in your home and your heart. Always. Pete is no longer there physically, but spiritually he’ll be with you forever and ever.
I’m sure I love Ian even more now than I did when he was here, my love for him is with me in everything I do every day.
It’s just over 14 months since I lost him, and outwardly I’m sure I appear to be coping, and I suppose I am…I meet family and friends, I talk, I eat, I laugh, but often when I come home and there is only me and my little cat, I feel deep sadness that Ian isn’t here, sharing in the beautiful spring weather, sharing the meals out, the laughs with friends. But, I do feel slightly lighter than I did, the pain of grief doesn’t weigh as heavily as it did, even 6 months ago.
Please try and eat nice food Muldool, I know it’s easier said than done. Ian used to do all the cooking, and now I often make the same meals as he did, and I really enjoy eating them now too.
If we eat better, we sleep better too, and I’m sure it’s sleeping better which has made me cope better with the waking hours when we miss them more than ever.
It certainly isn’t easy Muldool, it’s far from that, but know that we all understand what you’re going through, and your feelings are normal. Grief turns our world upside down, it’s brutal.
Time doesn’t heal, it simply puts space between what happened to our loved ones, and how we’re feeling now in the present. We have to live our lives in a different way, a way in which neither us nor our soul mates wanted.
I hope you start to feel a little better this morning. Enjoy your newly painted house, good for you getting it sorted.
I’m thinking of you and sending love & hugs
Janey xx
Thank you Jane for your kind reply, I know what you say is correct, the first 6 weeks after Pete died I didn’t sleep more than an hour here and there and I hardly ate anything but then once I started to eat and get a bit of sleep I did feel a bit stronger and more able to cope.
Poor Pete always ate healthy and deprived himself of many treats because he wanted us to have a long and healthy life together and look what happened!
Today is the 6th year anniversary of our first date and it’s my birthday on Monday and then it will be the first anniversary of us moving into this house, I guess I’m rebelling a little bit because I’m so angry to have lost him and feel like I don’t care about my heath now.
Sending hugs back
Muldool
It’s quite normal to feel like you do at the moment.
Grief comes in waves like the tide. Sometimes the waves lap gently on the shore, sometimes they are whipped up with a storm and sometimes they are a tsunami.
My tsunami happened about 3 months after my hubby died for no reason. I just started crying and it didn’t stop all day. It wasn’t nice but it helped me no end to come to terms with it all because like u I’d put a brave face on and tried to be strong for my children.
I recently donated my hubbies suits to the charity shop as its 7 yrs now. Over the years I’ve given loads of his things away but I’ve still got one of his guitars, his dressing gown and of course my photos of him. Moving on is good for you even if its hard and stirs up your emotions.
You’ll get there. Lots of luv n healing.
Lynda
Hi Lynda, I am new to the site I lost my son Theo in a car accident on October 2nd 2021. He was only 22 years old. Could you tell me how you work through your grief? I know everyone is different but I am just trying to get some ideas.
I take each day as it comes.
When my hubby passed away suddenly 7 yrs ago, I decided to continue doing things that we did together even though it hurt and made me emotional at times.
I also decided to get a dog, she’s my reason to get up each day.
In the beginning I did some voluntary work as well.
I’ve got a lot of friends on and off Facebook who let me talk about my feelings. My family have been wonderful too.
Grief is something you learn to live with. I think it’s like the waves on the shore, sometimes it laps gently, sometimes it’s whipped up like a storm and other times it’s a tsunami.
The last tsunami I had I just started crying for no reason and it lasted all day and evening but it did me good because it let it out. Bit like letting the steam out of a kettle. Draining mind but good for you.
Just go with the flow. If you want a duvet day have one.
Also make sure you eat healthy foods. If necessary batch cook and freeze meals so that when you don’t feel like cooking you can just warm something up.
Make sure you spend time with your family and friends. If they ask you out, go. Your son wouldn’t want you to hide away from everything/one.
Every day be thankful for the good things in your life, the bird song, the scenery, your home.
Get up, dress up and live your life like he would want you too.
Finally talk to your GP too they can put you in touch with lots if organisations to help you.
Hope you feel better soon. Love, hugs and healing to you.
Thank you so much for the response. I will soldier on. (Smile)
Hope it’s helped you
Day by day it’s all you can do big hugs annie x x