Article on Grief

For those of you that don’t know, president elect Joe Biden has been dogged by grief throughout his incredible life; his first wife and baby daughter died many years ago in a horrific car accident and most recently his son, Beau, passed away because of a very aggressive brain tumour. He is an inspiration, as I’ve found out from reading his biography, and some of his advice on how he coped (and sometimes didn’t) during the darkest of days is contained within this article.

I hope it helps someone. His biography is worth a read too.

C

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Hello CatP21, Thank you so much for posting the Joe Biden information. i read it all and found it most inspiring as I’m sure many others will. What a man eh!
I hope you are getting along O.K. as your own story isn’t an easy one but you will cope just like the rest of us are doing - one day at a time. Please keep posting as we all need to look after each other on this site.

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He is an inspiration, that much I agree. I don’t think people on this forum realise it, maybe because we don’t tell them enough, but they’re a massive inspiration too. We absolutely need one another and we need more people like Joe Biden telling us that these complex emotions - sadness, despair, hope, anger… all have a place. I’m in awe of the inspirational men and women on here that are literally fighting for their life. They’re our little bit of the Joe Biden spirit.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, it means so much x

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thanks a lot for sharing this article Cat xx

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Thank you. How you holding up? Been thinking about you a lot xx

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thanks a lot Cat, that’s so nice of you. I tried to start back at work yesterday (only from home on work laptop, had a meeting with manager and some chats with colleagues ) it didn’t go very well though as i’d hoped that would be one thing I could still do from my old life since René was not involved but it didn’t go like I thought and I couldn’t concentrate. Today I called in sick as got myself in a state crying for hours in bed after work yesterday at the disappointment that i couldn’t even do this one aspect of my former life anymore.

I felt totally hopeless this morning too but then a friend had offered to meet me for a walk which I’d first declined but then decided to try. My stepdad gave me a lift and I cried all the way, I felt sorry for him as he was driving but I just couldn’t stop crying, I had my eyes closed trying to hide it but my breathing and tears gave me away so he kept jabbering all the way things like “ooh look at all those pigeons, how many do you think there are!?” “and there is a seagull” i felt bad for him as obviously making him awkward but I couldn’t stop crying!!

Anyway then I set off walking to meet my friend and cried walking all the way there too with my mask up and hood down getting all these funny looks off other pedestrians but I couldn’t stop then either, crying so hard I couldn’t hardly see where I was going. normally I’m so self conscious so this was weird. Then just met my friend (first time since Renés death except a brief hello at the funeral) and after a while of talking about René and sharing stories I calmed down and then heard some of her news and since then felt quite calm all day.

I was also thinking about you, it is such a help being able to talk about René openly with people who also knew him. I was thinking how hard it must be if you can’t do that, do you have any other way of getting a similar feeling, maybe writing to your beloved things you would say if he was there or is there anyone you can talk to? Hope you and the little one had some good hours today xxxxx

I am really glad to hear that your day ended better than it started & that you have the support of a trusted and caring friend. How are you feeling today? I find getting out of the house does help, especially walking and being in nature. I have also found comfort in work and keeping busy. I’m responsible for a fairly large project, as a project manager, and have thrown myself in to that during the day. At first, like you, I hated work. Me and my daughter’s dad met at work, and still worked together; going back and not seeing him online or popping up in the office has been really really tough, but it’s started to get easier. I hope that your work gets easier too, in time. For me is took about 3 months before I was able to hold it together on calls and not appear like a wreck. I wasn’t able to explain to anyone why I was a wreck and so I’m sure they all think I’ve had a breakdown or got post-natal depression. I knew I didn’t want anyone to gossip about him so I’ve not told anyone why I’m so sad. Perhaps they’ve guessed. I am doing ok at the moment. A lot lot better than I was.
It’s still raw, and at the weekend I wanted to hide away all day. I crawled in to bed at 7pm each evening and sobbed until I was too exhausted to function. My heart hurts in ways I didn’t even know existed. But we get up, we get on, we move, we survive. I’ve told myself a few times that I need to get over myself because others, like you, are suffering far more and fighting even harder to survive than I can even imagine. Thanks again for sharing your story and feelings so openly. It really helps. Xxx

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Thank you Cat x

Today I cried early on but nowhere like the previous days as I listened to some music today and I felt like René was talking to me and it made me feel so calm (I don’t believe in this stuff usually, maybe its just the last of my marbles rolling away!!)

Then our lovely cat that has been such a comfort recently was ill with diarrhoea repeatedly up and down the house, in the end I had to take him to the emergency vet as no appointments. He is sleeping now after a pain relieving injection so I hope he’ll be OK. I think on another day this would had me completely broken in tears but today I managed, I think it was the strength that music this morning gave me.

That gives me hope that you said it started to get easier at work eventually, how on earth have you managed when you have those reminders of him there too… you are amazing… that you also can’t even explain to people why you are upset or talk abouthim openly… urgh I couldn’t do it, I can’t even do much less.

Also in such a demanding job where you are accountable for a project and all the things that involves sounds a lot to keep up with as well as being a mum and grieving.

I totally don’t agree that I am suffering at all more, many times i have thought about your situation to remind myself to try and get a grip and not be so self-pitying. We both have different horrors to deal with and the bottom line is the same, trying to drag ourselves out of this massive hole our lives fell into when our loved one died. Everyone who is here has horrendous grief to try and survive, we all have different stories but that part is the same. I hope we can all do it and it gives me strength to see examples like you.

Goodnight and all the best xxx

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