I received my husband’s ashes today…I haven’t stopped crying since, which is natural I know…It’s not him in that box - it’s what’s left of his physical body. I 'm going to be spreading his ashes so I didn’t get an urn. It’s a plain cardboard box with a bag of beige coloured ash, surprisingly more than I had thought there would be. I opened the box , touched the bag and resealed it. I couldn’t bring myself to open it and know the feel of the ashes on my fingertips - that time will come. I’ll be spreading his ashes in the places he loved, the forests and lakes of the Cariboo (region of British Columbia). Some will go in my garden, and some will stay with me…
Hi there. Yes it’s a bit of a shock isn’t it. I had my husband ashes scattered in his grandparents grave and when the funeral director scattered them I felt as if it was a bad dream. Surely those grey ashes wasn’t my lovely, good looking husband.
It’s lovely that you are able to scatter his ashes in a region he loved. I unfortunately couldn’t take Brian’s ashes to the Greek Island he loved and where we visited and walked there for many years. So I had him put with his grandparents, overlooking the river where he sailed his boats and very near to the allotment he loved so much and near to me so that I can visit him and have a chat. I like to think he is watching over these places where he grew up and with his loving grandparent who he adored. I kept some of his ashes in a small urn with the intention of scattering them but haven’t been able to let them go as yet and along with a lock of his hair he is sat on the coffee table. I do have a locket with a photo and ashes also and this is with me when I do anything special but locked away for safe keeping otherwise.
I am so sorry this has upset you so much but it’s to be expected. It’s a realisation of what has happened. Let us know when you scatter his ashes and although we can’t be with you physically we can be with you in thought.
hi heather_ Diane
hope it will bring you a little comfort,placing the ashes of your soulmate were ever you like.
sadly I wasn’t in a position to have any of Jaynes ashes,its been very stressful dealing with Jaynes not so nice family.but I carry my love for Jayne in my heart mind and soul and my tattoos dedicated to Jayne and getting her hair from the brushes from around our little home and washing them and putting them in a little plastic bag ,which I always place in the heart side pocket of the shirt im wearing.sorry for droning on.i did look at the picture of the scenery from your new home looks so beautiful.hope you’ve settled in and still finding ways to get through the days to come.stay safe and take care
Thank you so much Ian & Pat for your kind words…I love the idea of a tattoo, it still might happen…you weren’t droning on Ian - I think the idea of carrying a bit of hair is lovely and special. And Pat that sounds like a beautiful and special spot, and it’s close to you. I’ve been thinking about a locket as well and just some to keep close at home. Until the weather is nicer, and the virus has passed, the ashes can sit in their box on the shelf.
your welcome Heather _Diane
and thank you for your kind words.Dont forget take us a picture if you do decide get a tattoo.
And post it on here some where.
Hi Heather Diane I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I to lost my beautiful loving caring wife a little over 4 years ago although I always seem ok on the outside I am so broken, I wear my wife’s wedding ring on a necklace and often find myself holding on to it and give it a little kiss before I go to sleep. The only reason I joined this forum was to reply to you about your dear husbands Ashes I still have my wife’s ashes at home with me in a beautiful urn i bring her through to the bedroom and in the morning back into the lounge I talk to her all the time maybe one day I will do what she wanted doing with them until then and when and only one the time feels right I will do that and the same goes for you when your ready , may I suggest to you that a tattoo is such a beautiful idea I have several but my most treasured one is the one with some of my wife’s ashes in it contains her name and the musical score to the chorus of her favourite song, it gives me great comfort wherever I go apart of her is always with me. Please let me know if you would get a tattoo done along the same lines ,take care stay strong be safe x
Sadpapa - Thank you for your kind reply. I really like the idea of a tattoo with ashes, and when all this pandemic scare passes, I am going to have one done. I like the idea of the musical score and a song came to mind immediately. Otherwise his ashes sit until the time is right for me to spread them., It has not been quite a year. I am constantly told how “well” I’m doing, and how strong I am, but like you, that is on the outside. I too am broken.
I could not part with my husband’s ashes. I remember my son collecting them and bringing them home, placing them in my hands and saying, Dad’s home again mum. They are still with me and here they will stay until I die and then they will be scattered together in a place we both loved, together with the ashes of our German Shepherd dogs.
I feel as if my husband is still with me, I say goodnight to him, good morning to him, tell him when I am going out and when I get home again. As long as his ashes are with me then he is still here. We were together for most of our lives and will be together forever in death.
Thanks for replying things are still very raw for you and you are in very early days of your grieving, this may sound harsh but like people keep saying time is a healer it’s not you just learn how to cope small steps at a time if you are not already counselling does help but only if you feel you need it do it when you feel the time is right, never do anything to please other people do as you feel. If you need any advice on having a tattoo please email me for advice some tattooists will not do it luckily I have a very dear friend who is a tattooist who suggested it to me, take care x
HI. My darling Johns ashes were picked up by one of his sons ( we both have adult children by previous relationships) and although he says we will scatter them altogether on the moor above the valley where John and i lived and i still do, he said there was no hurry and obv’ with lockdown it wont be possible for a while and i of course understand this but we could have done it before lockdown. John and i had been together for nearly 20 years but were’nt married and i dont seem to have much say. I would so love for John to go free, the thought of him in a box in a cupboard makes me feel so sad. x
Hi nice to hear from you so sorry about your loss 20 years is along time and I bet you had many many good times together, I was married for 10 years together for about 14. My wife was only 52 when she passed away I was 43. I have 3 lovely step sons and 3 step grandchildren one more on the way who I think the world of and likewise. Please don’t feel you have to keep your dearest John in a box in a cupboard I have my wife at home in a beautiful urn it is solid brass but air brushed in a beautiful ice blue with silver butterflies engraved on it quite expensive but she is worth it, there is a company called Angel meadows that sell different designs of these please google them, it is comforting to know my wife is still at home with me, like that I can decide that when the time is right I can do as she asked with her ashes or my Sister as got instructions in my will to scatter us together at our favourite seaside place, whatever you decide to do, do it in your own time when your ready stay strong take care x
Hi. That sounds so comforting to be scattered together. It’s like your obviously much loved wife ( i read your previous post and it shines out) is waiting for you so you can go on together and the seaside sounds perfect. How sad for us all though that instead of having time with our lovely partners visiting our favorite places and exploring new ones to make new memories we find ourselves just trying to get by in a future that even with the best of famlies and friends seems so bleak.
Its John i want to see the Northern lights with, John i want to visit the Alhambra with. We will be together again though one day and we will be free to love and laugh and hug.
Take care x
Oh and thank you for the Angel Meadow information.
Hi thanks for reply trust me once you transfer your dear partners ashes from a box to a beautiful urn you will feel more at ease and comfortable with it all, I talk to my wife all the time and she will show me little signs from time to time which is very comforting and you and your family and friends will have somewhere warm and cosy as your own home to have a chat with your partner, I looked for Angel meadows don’t think they do Urns any more but ebay do some really nice ones from different companies x