Asking for help

My mother suffered from vascular dementia for years. 28th Dec she fell and fractured her pelvis. Yesterday, she died having never returned home. She was skeletal, unrecognisable as my mother. We were told ‘days not weeks…’ from January but she disproved their theory every time. The call came at 5.15a.m Yesterday and my father, siblings and others have been inconsolable since but I cannot cry nor even feel close to it. Why? I really did/do love her. I must be so cold but not ever been that way before. I can’t claim to be shocked, it has been expected for years! Not just the last four months. Is normal?


Hi @Jubes So sorry to hear of your loss. Everyone grieves differently - there’s no right or wrong way for it to happen and our emotions can catch us out at the wrong moments. If it helps you, my Father had vascular dementia, and in the last 2 years of his life didn’t recognise any of us and just ate and slept. It was a relief when he died and whilst he was missed I think his immediate family did a lot of their grieving once ‘he’ had gone and just his body remained. You’re not cold - sometimes grief needs time to kick in. Best wishes.


Hi Jubes,
Everyone’s grief journey is different so take each day at a time and see how you get on. It is ok to feel as you do and there is no right or wrong way in how you deal with your grief.
Thinking of you
Deborah x


Hi justsomebloke,
That really does help me. I cried so much when mum was going through it. Like you, perhaps I lost her a long time ago.
So good of you to answer :revolving_hearts:


@Jubes Glad it helped. I’ve found these forums are full of good advice from people all on a similar journey. Stick around and I’m sure you will find whatever support you may need over the coming months. Best wishes.