Assaulted by the only parent I had left.

Ok. So you may have seen a post I did about losing my mum so suddenly. I was going to mention about this side of grief. But thought talking and getting my mums story out was way more important. I’ve received some very kind words. And hoping I’d get the same with what I’m about to open up about.

3 days after my mum passed away. My dad decided to sit me and my 24 year old sister down and tell us that he has a girlfriend. And has done for about a year. That my mum apparently knew about. I wasn’t ok with this. Far from it. If that’s his way of showing the pain of losing his wife. I’ll stay away and let him get on with it. He then proceeded to have sex with this woman In my MUMS bed. I was so angry. Upset. Felt like giving the woman some sense. He proceeded to talk about her with all the horrible details when I repeatedly said I don’t want to know. I’ve just lost my mum. I was in no mood for shouting and crying. Was doing enough of that at the time. I’m not going to get involved with his meaningless love life. He should be with my mum. And still be loyal to her. Here or not. me and my sister then decided to leave and stay at our partners and visit my dad frequently. Shouldn’t have to in my own house. But I just couldn’t stand him at that point.Tempers where running high.

I loved my dad to bits. Was always a daddy’s girl. If I needed him. He’d be there. A shoulder to cry on. He’s there with his stupid dad jokes at the ready. With the relationship I had with my dad. Just made this situation a whole lot more painful to deal with.

It was then the wake. I just gave a very emotional speach. Refused to leave my mums coffin. I just wanted to have my family around me. What’s left of it anyway.

My dad had a few drinks. Yes. Fine. He deserved it for organising such a lovely funeral for my mum. But when all of the guests left. And all that was left was me and my sister. Her partner. My partner and his family. He began to change. Wasn’t himself a few minutes before.

He asked me and my sister a question two days before the funeral. Would we want his girlfriend at the funeral and wake? We both made it very clear. NO. We both thought that was that. little did we know.

He then said Infront of the last remaining people. “oh. By the way. She was at the funeral. I snuck her in at the back so you wouldn’t see her” and then she walks through the doors at the wake. I was fuming. We all was. I was Absolutely heart broken. From then on was a complete mess. Not how I wanted such a beautiful day to end.

I then proceeded to have ago at him. For doing such a sick and disrespectful thing.

Me and my sister knew my mum wouldn’t want her anywhere near the wake and funeral. Or even anywhere near my dad. With all the distruction she and my dad had caused. I can just see my dad getting more and more angry. My partners mum tried to calm him down. But he was just shouting and swearing at her. All of us even. I then shouted at him to leave. Go home. We’ll talk once you’ve calmed down.

He looked at me. With this look that gives me nightmares to this day. Ran up to me. Grabbed my throat. Punched my chest a few times. Then pushed me off the chair. Breaking the fire place below me. From that moment everything was a blur. I couldn’t believe he would do this to me. What did I do to deserve this? Did I deserve it?

I was then interviewed by a police officer. And was offered and ambulance. I can just remember screaming “i don’t want him arrested!”. While showing the officer my injuries. I just wanted the only parent I have left to be with me. Be the role of mum as well as dad. But now I’ve lost him too.

From that day on. I hardly see my sister anymore yet alone talk to her. Had a few horrible messages and calls from my dad to a point I had to block them and report them to the police. Other than that I’m lucky enough to have my partner and his family to fall back on. Lots of sleepless nights and over thinking. But I’m getting by slowly.

Felt good to let this all out. And hoping this could help me in the long run. I apologize if some of it doesn’t make sense. Took a lot for me to type this. Thanks

I’m so sorry to hear you had such a terrible experience. Your dad being violent towards you is shocking under any circumstances, and especially when you are grieving. It sounds as though you had a positive relationship with your dad growing up - had he ever shown signs of anger problems or violence before or was this completely out of the blue?

I am glad that your partner and his family are supportive and that you felt some relief from writing it all down. It’s really important to have some support and outlets for your feelings. May I ask why you are not in touch with your sister much? It sounds as though you and she were on the same page about your dad’s new relationship.

Victim support also offer support to victims of violence (even if no crime was reported to the police):

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His violence was totally out of the blue. The most he did was yell if I was naughty. I guess if my sister speaks to me. She’ll hear from my dad. Which won’t be the case. I wish I knew why she doesn’t talk to me.