at a loss

Losing a parent
683

Nice to hear from you Olive - how have you been keeping? :people_hugging:

Its coming up 4 weeks now that i handed over the keys for Mums house and Ive been in a very dark place since then, so my heart goes out to you Olive. :heart: Sending hugs your way :people_hugging:

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684

Hi Ally I hope you arecoming out of it now, its another step on the way I guess. I havn’t been back since mums funeral in May 24 . Will have to go back to complete on the house sale . I spoke to my sister today she is very angry, I avoid calls as things will be said and there is no point. Left me totally at a loss just getting by.
sending love

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Oh no, that’s the last thing you need - family conflict.

My mum just sent me a photo of my cat, chilling on my dad’s bed :heart:. My dad was wonderful to Bonnie. The first time I went away, I devised a rota for feeding - it was shared between my dad and my next door neighbour. But my dad ignored the rota and did all of the feeds himself :rofl:. And any time I went away, he would voluntarily sit with Bonnie and keep her company, with the radio or TV on as well. :heart:

She only moved into my parents’ house after we’d lost my dad, so she didn’t know that that’s where he lived, but I wonder whether she knows, like from his scent. My dad was a friend to all of the animals :heart:.

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My little Bonnie passed away last night. She was probably around 9 years old. We weren’t sure exactly, and my sister never ended up passing on her papers from the breeder to me.

My little Bon Bons was the gentlest girl and the biggest comfort when we lost my dad. She had come to live with me in 2022 because she’d been unsettled at my sister’s busy house (3 boys, a labrador, a chameleon
) and then when we lost Pops she and I moved in with mum.

She was the sweetest girl :yellow_heart:.

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Aww Burgled I am so sorry . Am thinking ov you
Deborah

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Im so sorry to hear that @Burgled. She sounds like a lovely soul. Sending you many hugs :people_hugging: :heart:

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689

So sorry for your loss im with u here i lost my mum nearly 3 weeks ago she was on end of life too we have had her funeral on friday just gone i dont return to work until the 19th August and i dont think i will ever be ready to return i lost my brother 5 months ago and went back to work after 2 weeks and found it was too soon i ended up off again for 6 week so my point is only go back when you feel ready thats what im doing this time. My feelings are like yours i feel numb and empty inside all i want to do is sleep and hide away from the world. Pwoplw say it gets easier and you learn to live with it but i dont know how at this moment in time. I feel your pain hope it gets better for you 1 day at a time x

690

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Well hi everyone off to complete on mums house on Monday, I still refer to it as going to mums.
I havn’t been back since May 24 for her funeral,.
Its as vivid now as it was then, especialy when I am driving the flashbacks take me back to her at EOL, frail and helpless waiting to die, an inhumane and bizarre eight weeks that haunts me every day. Every day I was with her every night I tried to make it better. Now every day I go back there in thought and feelings.
Sorry but I feel I need to go through it with someone before I go back but I have no one to say it to. I have to see my sister and I dont want things that dont need to be voiced to be said. Feel a bit stuck. and lost.

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691

Thinking of you Olive - it must be incredibly difficult going back, especially if youve got the added worry about possible conflict with your sister :people_hugging:

Will you visit the house before completion or is that too painful for you? I know your situation is different to mine, but i took time to sit and remember the happy memories that had occurred in each room - all the sunday dinners, the christmases, how the house kept mum safe during covid, to say thank you to the house and goodbye. Also i took lots of photos - when im really missing the place i find looking at a photo invokes the same calming feeling as actually being there. Do whatever feels right for you Olive :heart:

Will be thinking of you on Monday :people_hugging:

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692

Sending hugs. :people_hugging: I too had to sell a house recently and I did as Ally suggested, went to every room and remembered something about it. It felt good as a sort of goodbye. But I know it still hurts and those memories are awful to carry. It was so long for you and her as well, eight weeks is an eternity during those circumstances. :broken_heart::heart: I hope all goes well and that you and your sister will get along without friction. Let us know what happens!

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693

Hi Olive,
I am also thinking of you.
Like Ally and Ulma I also took lots of photos and 2 yrs on I look at them and find they help me. I also went into every room and spent time in each one in my own. Memories came flooding back especially about the day we moved in when I was about 9 yrs of age. I remembered arguing with my siblings who would have each room. Standing there with it all empty knowing if would be the last time was so painful.
I blew a kiss into each room then closed the door and did the same with the back door
My husband drove away and I closed my eyes. It was a feeling I will never forget.
Do what feels right for you. I hope time has healed things a little with your sister.
Love Deborah

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694

Hugs to you today Olive :people_hugging: You’re in my thoughts :heart:

695

Thank you all well storm Floris has delayed my trip to mums.

696

Ok - so when is completion on your mums? Id thought that was today but maybe i misunderstood. :people_hugging:

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we were signing in anticipation I thought it was completion as well. Apparently they not given a completion date .

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Ok, at least that gives you a bit of breathing space :heart:

699

You should have the completion date soon Olive. Just a matter of solicitors agreeing it after everything is in place.
Apparently it’s mainly on a Friday around lunchtime. Don’t ask me why . I haven’t a clue!!!
Deb

700

Hi Olive - just checking in with you to see how you are doing? :heart: who would believe just over a week ago we were talking about storm Floris, and

701

Im a bit hot.
thank you for checking in.
Mums house completed yesterday and sister has been very upset.
We are sorting the money out which is trick as it is going between grandchildren as well, so Ids needed. I have no interest in the money and would hev been happier if sister had taken the house.
Its strange I somehow feel like I am comig back to life at times, then the guilt and shame come crashing down.
I feel apart from the world , I still have Rosie the cat who I was supposed to pass on, I dont let her out out as my other cats of long ago got squished on the road, so she goes out in the garden which is fairly big (bout 53 foot by 42 foot and very natural) some mornings for an hour and every evening from when i get home to when it goes dark. Its not secure so i sit by the gate so she doesnt go out,
bonkers but it means i have spent so much tome in the garden eating all my meals out here as i am now with my cornflakes.
wow i just meant to say hello,
how are you going

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I just realised my last post finished mid sentence! Thats grief brain for you! :see_no_evil:

Good to hear from you Olive.:heart: did you get a chance to go see the house before completion? I hope everything went ok between you and your sister :people_hugging:

Im glad you’ve got Rosie for some company - it sounds like shes got a big garden area she can explore.

I understand that feeling of being apart from the world - i deliberately pulled myself back because it was too fast, too noisy and just not what i needed. But now i don’t want to go back into it! Its coming up 2 years soon, and part of me still feels like im waiting to wake up out of this dream/nightmare, or waiting for Mum to come back.

Sending you hugs today - I’ll be in my back garden soon (only small and in need of an overhaul), and I’ll think of you sitting in yours across the miles :blush: